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Clips from Mr. Mayor - The Debate (S02E02)

"I'll tell you a little something about loyalty."
Mr. Mayor
"[quirky music]"
Mr. Mayor
"Go L. A. sports!"
Mr. Mayor
"[wild cheers and applause]"
Mr. Mayor
"Chet, Chet, you can't bring props."
Mr. Mayor
"You cannot bring props--"
Mr. Mayor
"I guess the biggest question is:"
Mr. Mayor
"what do I do after being the youngest mayor in L. A. history?"
Mr. Mayor
"[laughs] - Okay, thank you all"
Mr. Mayor
"for stopping by. See you all again at 200."
Mr. Mayor
"I used to work in this building."
Mr. Mayor
"I met Mayor Bowron here in 1948."
Mr. Mayor
"Now I'm meeting you here. The current mayor."
Mr. Mayor
"That's right."
Mr. Mayor
"I know it's hard to believe it happened in your lifetime."
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, yes, Obama was first."
Mr. Mayor
"But in some ways, this is a bigger deal."
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, thank you for coming, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"- Thank you. - Thank you, thank you."
Mr. Mayor
"- Bye. - Bye-bye."
Mr. Mayor
"What?"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm not gonna apologize for brightening up their day."
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, Eugene said I had gams for miles,"
Mr. Mayor
"and for a second, I was like, "This old man could get it.""
Mr. Mayor
"Oh...kay."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, back to reality."
Mr. Mayor
"I made a dinner reservation,"
Mr. Mayor
"but can we drive there separately?"
Mr. Mayor
"I've got a psych-up mix,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I don't think it's gonna work if you're there."
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, yeah, James, um,"
Mr. Mayor
"what exactly do we need to talk about tonight?"
Mr. Mayor
"'Cause you said "talk" like "talk.""
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, okay."
Mr. Mayor
"So you know I don't actually work here."
Mr. Mayor
"- Uh-huh. - And at some point,"
Mr. Mayor
"Impactium is gonna put me on another project,"
Mr. Mayor
"and they can send me anywhere."
Mr. Mayor
"You know, before everything shut down for COVID,"
Mr. Mayor
"I spent six months in Kansas City."
Mr. Mayor
"On which side?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Kansas. - I don't know why I asked."
Mr. Mayor
"I don't have an informed opinion."
Mr. Mayor
"So I asked my boss"
Mr. Mayor
"if my next assignment could be in Southern California."
Mr. Mayor
"[bright music]"
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, what, because of me?"
Mr. Mayor
"So we can see where this goes..."
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"You okay? - Oh, yes, more than okay."
Mr. Mayor
"I am A-okay."
Mr. Mayor
"A-okay! [laughs]"
Mr. Mayor
"[cheers] A-A-okay-okay!"
Mr. Mayor
"Why did I cheer that?"
Mr. Mayor
"Okay."
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"Ms. Meskimen, it is true that you are running"
Mr. Mayor
"against the administration that you work for."
Mr. Mayor
"What exactly would you do differently?"
Mr. Mayor
"Well, for starters, I don't think I'd build"
Mr. Mayor
"a 20,000-mile-long space elevator."
Mr. Mayor
"What's that compensating for?"
Mr. Mayor
"[laughter and applause]"
Mr. Mayor
"Probably a small penis."
Mr. Mayor
"Sometimes tall guys are like that."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, unlike Ms. Meskimen,"
Mr. Mayor
"I didn't make sexual advances towards a subordinate"
Mr. Mayor
"who was then fired. [audience gasps]"
Mr. Mayor
"Are we at Burger King, folks?"
Mr. Mayor
"'Cause that fib was a whopper. [laughter]"
Mr. Mayor
"I think we should believe"
Mr. Mayor
"the victims of workplace harassment."
Mr. Mayor
"So do I!"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, he's here."
Mr. Mayor
"Good job, Tommy."
Mr. Mayor
"My name is Patrick Schenk."
Mr. Mayor
"I used to film city council meetings,"
Mr. Mayor
"but then Deputy Mayor Meskimen"
Mr. Mayor
"kissed me in a parking lot,"
Mr. Mayor
"and threw me away"
Mr. Mayor
"like a remote control shark balloon"
Mr. Mayor
"that breaks one second after you assemble it!"
Mr. Mayor
"And she did it at Christmas. [audience jeering]"
Mr. Mayor
"We'll be right back after a full episode of "Scrubs.""
Mr. Mayor
"Our scheduling guy made a mistake."
Mr. Mayor
"He's lying! Patrick didn't get fired,"
Mr. Mayor
"'cause he didn't work at city hall!"
Mr. Mayor
"He was a stalker."
Mr. Mayor
"That doesn't matter."
Mr. Mayor
"What matters is that you look like a winner."
Mr. Mayor
""L.A. Weekly" has a "who wore it better?""
Mr. Mayor
"with you and Lisa Vanderpump."
Mr. Mayor
"And you now have a page on celebrityankles.net."
Mr. Mayor
"I just can't believe they'd go low."
Mr. Mayor
"Tommy talks more trash than Oscar the Grouch."
Mr. Mayor
"But I have a move up my sleeve"
Mr. Mayor
"that'll make Oscar look like freakin' Elmo."
Mr. Mayor
"I didn't know you had it in you, Kwapis."
Mr. Mayor
"The dirty tricks. - I don't like it,"
Mr. Mayor
"but I am a student of Nixon."
Mr. Mayor
"Cynthia Nixon."
Mr. Mayor
"You remember when she ran for governor of New York?"
Mr. Mayor
"I only went negative to win, and I am not winning."
Mr. Mayor
"Sir, Arpi can't keep this up."
Mr. Mayor
"It's like when I tried to date women in college."
Mr. Mayor
"Sure, you can fake it for a couple weeks,"
Mr. Mayor
"but eventually they want more than just cuddling"
Mr. Mayor
"and listening to the London cast recording of "Les Mis,""
Mr. Mayor
"and then you snap."
Mr. Mayor
"I don't have wigs, Tommy. [phone vibrating]"
Mr. Mayor
"I need a knockout punch now!"
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, kiddo."
Mr. Mayor
"Wow, Dad. I can't even watch this."
Mr. Mayor
""Scrubs?" It was a hit, honey."
Mr. Mayor
"No, "Scrubs" is funny and touching,"
Mr. Mayor
"and Neil Flynn is a treasure."
Mr. Mayor
"Just-- how could you go so negative?"
Mr. Mayor
"Well, what about Arpi?"
Mr. Mayor
"Her hair looks different, and she's smiling."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, and meanwhile,"
Mr. Mayor
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