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Clips from I Dream of Jeannie - My Master, the Great Rembrandt (S01E01)

Oh, there's nothing to it. You find a few kind words...

"Oh, there's nothing to it. You find a few kind words..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...to say about each painting.

"...to say about each painting."

I Dream of Jeannie

You may have to lie a little, but--

"You may have to lie a little, but--"

I Dream of Jeannie

-And then you get the bidding started. -l'll give it a try if you want me to.

"-And then you get the bidding started. -l'll give it a try if you want me to."

I Dream of Jeannie

-Thank you. -Right over here?

"-Thank you. -Right over here?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Yes, right there.

"Yes, right there."

I Dream of Jeannie

You know, this isn't just a copy of a Rembrandt.

"You know, this isn't just a copy of a Rembrandt."

I Dream of Jeannie

lt looks to me like a deliberate forgery.

"lt looks to me like a deliberate forgery."

I Dream of Jeannie

And not a very clever one.

"And not a very clever one."

I Dream of Jeannie

The brush strokes are all wrong.

"The brush strokes are all wrong."

I Dream of Jeannie

And the frame, new.

"And the frame, new."

I Dream of Jeannie

And everyone knows that the original of this painting...

"And everyone knows that the original of this painting..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...is hanging in the Louvre.

"...is hanging in the Louvre."

I Dream of Jeannie

Still, it would be nice to have...

"Still, it would be nice to have..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...as a conversation piece.

"...as a conversation piece."

I Dream of Jeannie

Yes, wouldn't it?

"Yes, wouldn't it?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Ladies and gentlemen, may l have your attention, please?

"Ladies and gentlemen, may l have your attention, please?"

I Dream of Jeannie

l'd like to start the auction now, and bear with me.

"l'd like to start the auction now, and bear with me."

I Dream of Jeannie

l'm kind of new at this.

"l'm kind of new at this."

I Dream of Jeannie

Our first painting of the day is by Major Davis.

"Our first painting of the day is by Major Davis."

I Dream of Jeannie

Major Davis.

"Major Davis."

I Dream of Jeannie

Pretty little thing, isn't it, huh?

"Pretty little thing, isn't it, huh?"

I Dream of Jeannie

l'll start the bidding off today with...

"l'll start the bidding off today with..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...a bid for $50.

"...a bid for $50."

I Dream of Jeannie

-Fifty dollars. Do l hear sixty? -Sixty.

"-Fifty dollars. Do l hear sixty? -Sixty."

I Dream of Jeannie

Sixty dollars. Thank you very much, sir. Do l hear 7 0?

"Sixty dollars. Thank you very much, sir. Do l hear 7 0?"

I Dream of Jeannie

-Seventy. -Seventy dollars! Do l hear 1 00?

"-Seventy. -Seventy dollars! Do l hear 1 00?"

I Dream of Jeannie

-Seventy-five! -Seventy-five. Seventy-five.

"-Seventy-five! -Seventy-five. Seventy-five."

I Dream of Jeannie

Do l hear 80? Eighty. Seventy-five.

"Do l hear 80? Eighty. Seventy-five."

I Dream of Jeannie

Seventy-five going once. Seventy-five going twice.

"Seventy-five going once. Seventy-five going twice."

I Dream of Jeannie

Seventy-five going thrice. Sold to the lucky gentleman over there.

"Seventy-five going thrice. Sold to the lucky gentleman over there."

I Dream of Jeannie

Take the picture to him, Roger.

"Take the picture to him, Roger."

I Dream of Jeannie

The next painting for the day is...

"The next painting for the day is..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...by Major Roger Healey.

"...by Major Roger Healey."

I Dream of Jeannie

Roger. This is a perfect example of the neo-primitive school.

"Roger. This is a perfect example of the neo-primitive school."

I Dream of Jeannie

Neo-primitive school?

"Neo-primitive school?"

I Dream of Jeannie

l'm so enthusiastic about it that l'm gonna start the bidding myself for $50.

"l'm so enthusiastic about it that l'm gonna start the bidding myself for $50."

I Dream of Jeannie

Do l hear 1 00?

"Do l hear 1 00?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the kind of painting that goes well in...

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the kind of painting that goes well in..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...any room in the house.

"...any room in the house."

I Dream of Jeannie

Do l hear 90?

"Do l hear 90?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Please, ladies and gentlemen.

"Please, ladies and gentlemen."

I Dream of Jeannie

You are missing the bargain of the day.

"You are missing the bargain of the day."

I Dream of Jeannie

An original painting by Major Roger Healey.

"An original painting by Major Roger Healey."

I Dream of Jeannie

Sixty?

"Sixty?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Fifty-five? Oh, come on now, 55.

"Fifty-five? Oh, come on now, 55."

I Dream of Jeannie

Well, guess who just bought the painting.

"Well, guess who just bought the painting."

I Dream of Jeannie

Let that be a lesson to all of you. Thank you, Roger.

"Let that be a lesson to all of you. Thank you, Roger."

I Dream of Jeannie

You just bought yourself an original Roger Healey.

"You just bought yourself an original Roger Healey."

I Dream of Jeannie

Now, let me see. Oh, the next one--

"Now, let me see. Oh, the next one--"

I Dream of Jeannie

The third painting is....

"The third painting is...."

I Dream of Jeannie

This, as you can see, is a copy of a Rembrandt...

"This, as you can see, is a copy of a Rembrandt..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...and l should know. l painted it myself.

"...and l should know. l painted it myself."

I Dream of Jeannie

Well!

"Well!"

I Dream of Jeannie

Now, who'd like to start the bidding--

"Now, who'd like to start the bidding--"

I Dream of Jeannie

l'll bid $1 0.

"l'll bid $1 0."

I Dream of Jeannie

Ten dollars. Thank you very much, sir. Ten dollars. Do l hear $1 0.50?

"Ten dollars. Thank you very much, sir. Ten dollars. Do l hear $1 0.50?"

I Dream of Jeannie

-Twenty dollars. -Twenty dollars.

"-Twenty dollars. -Twenty dollars."

I Dream of Jeannie

-Twenty. Do l hear 21 ? -One hundred dollars.

"-Twenty. Do l hear 21 ? -One hundred dollars."

I Dream of Jeannie

A hundred? A hundred! Well, thank you very much, sir.

"A hundred? A hundred! Well, thank you very much, sir."

I Dream of Jeannie

These two art critics know a great masterpiece when they see one.

"These two art critics know a great masterpiece when they see one."

I Dream of Jeannie

One hundred dollars, going once, going twice--

"One hundred dollars, going once, going twice--"

I Dream of Jeannie

-Five hundred. -Five hundred? Well, l--

"-Five hundred. -Five hundred? Well, l--"

I Dream of Jeannie

-One thousand dollars. -One thou-- Now, see, l have a bid--

"-One thousand dollars. -One thou-- Now, see, l have a bid--"

I Dream of Jeannie

-Five thousand! -Ten thousand dollars.

"-Five thousand! -Ten thousand dollars."

I Dream of Jeannie

You're bidding 1 0,000 for that?

"You're bidding 1 0,000 for that?"

I Dream of Jeannie

-Fifty thousand dollars. -Fifty thousand dollars?

"-Fifty thousand dollars. -Fifty thousand dollars?"

I Dream of Jeannie

One hundred thousand dollars.

"One hundred thousand dollars."

I Dream of Jeannie

Now, wait. No, sir, no, gentlemen, please.

"Now, wait. No, sir, no, gentlemen, please."

I Dream of Jeannie

l don't think you quite understand. This is not an original Rembrandt.

"l don't think you quite understand. This is not an original Rembrandt."

I Dream of Jeannie

-l painted it myself. -Two hundred thousand dollars.

"-l painted it myself. -Two hundred thousand dollars."

I Dream of Jeannie

Two hundred thousand--?

"Two hundred thousand--?"

I Dream of Jeannie

That's certainly very generous of you gentlemen.

"That's certainly very generous of you gentlemen."

I Dream of Jeannie

l had no idea you were that interested in the Air Force Benevolent Fund.

"l had no idea you were that interested in the Air Force Benevolent Fund."

I Dream of Jeannie

Three hundred thousand dollars. And that is my highest price.

"Three hundred thousand dollars. And that is my highest price."

I Dream of Jeannie

Three hundred thousand?

"Three hundred thousand?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Take it.

"Take it."

I Dream of Jeannie

This painting is going for $300,000 once, $300,000 twice...

"This painting is going for $300,000 once, $300,000 twice..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...going thrice!

"...going thrice!"

I Dream of Jeannie

Well, congratulations.

"Well, congratulations."

I Dream of Jeannie

Your painting brought more than my painting...

"Your painting brought more than my painting..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...and you nosed me out by $299,950.

"...and you nosed me out by $299,950."

I Dream of Jeannie

l don't know what happened, Roge. The people just went crazy.

"l don't know what happened, Roge. The people just went crazy."

I Dream of Jeannie

Three hundred thousand dollars.

"Three hundred thousand dollars."

I Dream of Jeannie

Well, maybe they figured because it was for a charity...

"Well, maybe they figured because it was for a charity..."

I Dream of Jeannie

-...they could use it as a tax write-off. -Maybe that's it.

"-...they could use it as a tax write-off. -Maybe that's it."

I Dream of Jeannie

Hey, where are you gonna hang my painting?

"Hey, where are you gonna hang my painting?"

I Dream of Jeannie

-l don't know. l haven't decided yet. -Treat it gently, won't you?

"-l don't know. l haven't decided yet. -Treat it gently, won't you?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Come in.

"Come in."

I Dream of Jeannie

-Major Nelson? -Yes.

"-Major Nelson? -Yes."

I Dream of Jeannie

Dr. Bellows would like to see you in the laboratory right away.

"Dr. Bellows would like to see you in the laboratory right away."

I Dream of Jeannie

-Thank you very much. -My pleasure, major.

"-Thank you very much. -My pleasure, major."

I Dream of Jeannie

l'd like to see her in a laboratory.

"l'd like to see her in a laboratory."

I Dream of Jeannie

l wonder what Dr. Bellows wants.

"l wonder what Dr. Bellows wants."

I Dream of Jeannie

Probably painting lessons.

"Probably painting lessons."

I Dream of Jeannie

Very interesting, that. You see?

"Very interesting, that. You see?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Come in.

"Come in."

I Dream of Jeannie

Oh, pardon me.

"Oh, pardon me."

I Dream of Jeannie

-You want to see me, doctor? -l certainly do, major.

"-You want to see me, doctor? -l certainly do, major."

I Dream of Jeannie

Would you mind turning the lights on, please.

"Would you mind turning the lights on, please."

I Dream of Jeannie

Oh, yeah.

"Oh, yeah."

I Dream of Jeannie

There's no doubt about it. This is a genuine Rembrandt.

"There's no doubt about it. This is a genuine Rembrandt."

I Dream of Jeannie

Oh, no, sir. That's a genuine Anthony Nelson.

"Oh, no, sir. That's a genuine Anthony Nelson."

I Dream of Jeannie

-Believe me. l painted it myself. -Oh, did you, major?

"-Believe me. l painted it myself. -Oh, did you, major?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Then perhaps you'd mind telling me where you got canvas 300 years old?

"Then perhaps you'd mind telling me where you got canvas 300 years old?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Oh, well, l didn't know it was that old. l just found it lying around the garage.

"Oh, well, l didn't know it was that old. l just found it lying around the garage."

I Dream of Jeannie

This pigment is at least 300 years old.

"This pigment is at least 300 years old."

I Dream of Jeannie

Can you explain that, major?

"Can you explain that, major?"

I Dream of Jeannie

Well, really there's nothing to explain, sir.

"Well, really there's nothing to explain, sir."

I Dream of Jeannie

The art dealer sold me a bunch of old pigment.

"The art dealer sold me a bunch of old pigment."

I Dream of Jeannie

l think you gentlemen are making a ridiculous mistake.

"l think you gentlemen are making a ridiculous mistake."

I Dream of Jeannie

Major Nelson...

"Major Nelson..."

I Dream of Jeannie

...l am perhaps the world's foremost authority on Rembrandt.

"...l am perhaps the world's foremost authority on Rembrandt."

I Dream of Jeannie

Harmenszoon van Rijn.

"Harmenszoon van Rijn."

I Dream of Jeannie

His brush strokes are as familiar to me as my wife's face.

"His brush strokes are as familiar to me as my wife's face."

I Dream of Jeannie

l don't know about your wife's face, but those brush strokes are mine.

"l don't know about your wife's face, but those brush strokes are mine."

I Dream of Jeannie

Besides, isn't the original hanging in the Louvre?

"Besides, isn't the original hanging in the Louvre?"

I Dream of Jeannie

We thought that it was.

"We thought that it was."

I Dream of Jeannie

The one in the Louvre must be a fake.

"The one in the Louvre must be a fake."

I Dream of Jeannie

There is no question about the authenticity of this painting.

"There is no question about the authenticity of this painting."

I Dream of Jeannie

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