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Clips from Cheers - Coach Returns to Action (S01E01)

"- How do you mean, strange? - That new men's room attendant."
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"The guy hands me a towel, whisks me off and invites me out to a movie."
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"Guys, meet Nina. She just moved into my place."
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"No, not my apartment, my building."
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"Crazy guys, but nice."
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"I'd still be dragging my box spring without Ernie."
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"You're a dog, Coach."
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"Honey, excuse me. I gotta check the backroom."
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"- That's it for me. - That's Sam."
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"He's handsome. He's a bit of a wolf."
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"I don't know what to do. Anyone know anything about plumbing?"
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"Well, the Romans had an elaborate system of aqueducts."
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"They were sort of the forerunners of..."
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"Cliff. I need somebody to help me fix the plumbing."
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"Sorry, Sammy. Strictly theory."
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"- Let me do it. - Give me a break."
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"Come on. I'm an expert at this stuff."
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"I've got four kids and one bathroom."
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"My kids gave me Drano for Mother's Day."
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"Give me that wrench. I'm going in there."
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"Go get them."
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"Everybody out of the men's room."
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"Why didn't you say that before you came in?"
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"- Give me two beers. - Excuse me."
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"Sam! I know what you're going to do."
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"I can't explain now. Just stay away from that woman."
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"What woman?"
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"Actually, I was going for a coffee."
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"Thanks for pointing her out. I must be slipping."
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"Please, I can't tell you why, but it's just not right."
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"OK. Alright."
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"If you insist."
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"Wait a minute."
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"I understand something about psychology."
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"By telling me not to go, you're trying to get my curiosity up"
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"so I do exactly the opposite, right?"
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"Absolutely not."
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"No!"
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"Probably a friend of yours?"
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"The two of you cooked something up to make me look a silly fool?"
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"- I'm not going anywhere near her. - Thank you."
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"Thank you?"
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"That's what you wanted me to do, walk away."
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"- You don't want me going near her. - No."
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"No meaning yes. Listen, this is my bar and I'll do what I want."
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"Hi, there."
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"Hi."
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"You new in the neighbourhood?"
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"- Yeah, I'm new to Boston. - How do you like it so far?"
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"- Fine, how do you like it? - Much better now."
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"Sorry about this stuff. I'm sat here waiting for my heat to be turned on."
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"How hot do you want it to get?"
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"I heard you were kind of a wolf."
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"Howl at the moon one time, they never let you forget it."
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"Listen. While we're on the subject of subgum,..."
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".. how would you like to go out to Chinese food later?"
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"No, thank you. I'd rather not."
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"Did I make it clear I meant with me?"
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"Painfully."
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"I think I like this girl."
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"If you'll excuse me, I'll go say goodbye to my bathroom."
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"Congratulations, Diane."
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"You and your friend made me look a complete ass. I hope you're happy."
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"- Couldn't have done it without you. - Isn't she great?"
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"You know, Coach, I think you should ask her out."
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"Ask her out?"
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"I haven't asked a girl out in years. I don't know if my old lines work."
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"What was the last one you used?"
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""How would you like a pair of nylons, Fräulein?""
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"- Probably not. - Come on. It worked."
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"What do we need it for? It's just another piece to clog up."
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"It's belongs to something."
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"Don't hang on to things through sentiment."
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"Coach, how about all the women you talk about in your baseball days?"
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"- How did you approach them? - Not by talking with them."
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"What did you do?"
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"I'd spot a cute dame in the stands and to get their attention, I'd..."
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".. injure myself."
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"- You intentionally hurt yourself? - Sure."
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"I'd lean into a pitch or dive face-first into a bag."
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"Take a hard grounder in the gut, anything to get their sympathy."
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"You were a sly one, Coach."
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"One day I wasn't even in the game and there was this real cutie there."
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"So I threw myself down the dugout steps."
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"- It worked. - You don't have to do that now."
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"Look at her."
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"She's all by herself, a stranger in this big city."
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"You are the only friend she has here."
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"- Can we have some service back here? - Coming right up."
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"Go get her, tiger."
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"- Coach. Can you cover me tonight? - Sure, where you going?"
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"I'm going out with that lady."
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"Diane is gonna learn the meaning of the word comeback."
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"Did you say something?"
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"Like...?"
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"- Yeah. - That wasn't me."
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"Can I have another beer, please?"
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"- Coach, what's going on here? - Just a normal evening."
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"I'm pouring a beer. Norm's in line."
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"Sam's sweeping the girl of my dreams off her feet. Normal night."
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"I thought you were gonna do that."
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"Come on, Sam's such a smoothie. When did a woman last turn him down?"
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"Will you bug off?"
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"- Does that refresh your memory? - I got her on the ropes."
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"- You're a glutton for punishment. - The evening's young."
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"But your lines are old."
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"Don't worry. I'm going out with your friend tonight, even if it kills me."
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"Coach, come on. Now's your chance. Go."
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"- Diane, who needs her? - Coach."
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"- Don't give up on Nina. - Please leave me alone. Please."
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"No!"
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"Get in there, you pipe, and no backtalk."
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"You can't come in here, it's the men's room."
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"- Carla's in here. - Carla doesn't count."
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"Watch it!"
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"- Diane, please, I want to be alone. - Coach, if you don't act now,"
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"your life will be forever haunted with the memory of lost opportunity."
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"Maybe you're right, I should've tried earlier, but Sam's after her now."
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"- Can't you see that? - So? He's not getting anywhere."
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"- You got the hots for Nina? - You know that, too?"
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