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Clips from Cheers - Pick a Con... Any Con (S01E01)

''Precise measurements are one of the keys to a good drink.'' Page 1 2.

"''Precise measurements are one of the keys to a good drink.'' Page 1 2."

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Serving it the same day it's ordered is right up there, too.

"Serving it the same day it's ordered is right up there, too."

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Carla,...

"Carla,..."

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Girls, please.

"Girls, please."

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C'mon, Harry. You got anything? You got any ideas?

"C'mon, Harry. You got anything? You got any ideas?"

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l think you need a poker game. The Mole is not known for poker.

"l think you need a poker game. The Mole is not known for poker."

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Call him and tell him you have a little game going here at closing.

"Call him and tell him you have a little game going here at closing."

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That makes you the roper. You bring him into the game.

"That makes you the roper. You bring him into the game."

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How do we know that he brings enough money to cover Coach's losses?

"How do we know that he brings enough money to cover Coach's losses?"

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The guys always carry a big roll. They gotta be ready for action.

"The guys always carry a big roll. They gotta be ready for action."

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You have to promote this as a friendly neighbourhood game.

"You have to promote this as a friendly neighbourhood game."

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- You're the inside man. - With you so far.

"- You're the inside man. - With you so far."

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- l'm gonna need a bankroll. - You just lost me.

"- l'm gonna need a bankroll. - You just lost me."

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Sam, if you don't stake me, it doesn't go down.

"Sam, if you don't stake me, it doesn't go down."

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- l need about five grand. - Five grand? Are you kidding me?

"- l need about five grand. - Five grand? Are you kidding me?"

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This whole thing's getting out of hand.

"This whole thing's getting out of hand."

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Sam, please.

"Sam, please."

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Alright. l'll be the... What d'you call the guy who brings the money?

"Alright. l'll be the... What d'you call the guy who brings the money?"

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You call him the guy who brings the money.

"You call him the guy who brings the money."

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One other thing, Sam.

"One other thing, Sam."

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- l appreciate this. - l appreciate getting bailed out.

"- l appreciate this. - l appreciate getting bailed out."

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Besides, l don't like the idea of somebody else plucking my pigeons.

"Besides, l don't like the idea of somebody else plucking my pigeons."

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See ya.

"See ya."

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Thanks, Sam.

"Thanks, Sam."

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''A dash of pepper.''

"''A dash of pepper.''"

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A lot of ingredients in a Bloody Mary.

"A lot of ingredients in a Bloody Mary."

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That's why we usually mix up five gallons and put it in the fridge.

"That's why we usually mix up five gallons and put it in the fridge."

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Carla, why'd you let her do it?

"Carla, why'd you let her do it?"

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l wanted to see her try and make vodka.

"l wanted to see her try and make vodka."

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- Closing time. - Sammy, let me get this straight.

"- Closing time. - Sammy, let me get this straight."

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Whatever we lose, we're gonna get back.

"Whatever we lose, we're gonna get back."

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- That's right. - Great.

"- That's right. - Great."

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l love to gamble without risk.

"l love to gamble without risk."

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Sam, would you mind if l stay and watch?

"Sam, would you mind if l stay and watch?"

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l promise l won't ask a bunch of dumb questions.

"l promise l won't ask a bunch of dumb questions."

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- You won't even know l'm here. - OK.

"- You won't even know l'm here. - OK."

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So, why poker?

"So, why poker?"

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Why not crazy eights or chess? Why don't l shut up like l said l would?

"Why not crazy eights or chess? Why don't l shut up like l said l would?"

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l always get this way when l'm nervous. What can l do to stop?

"l always get this way when l'm nervous. What can l do to stop?"

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l know what to do with hiccups, but with runaway chattering...

"l know what to do with hiccups, but with runaway chattering..."

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Hello, everyone.

"Hello, everyone."

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Hi, George.

"Hi, George."

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l understand you fellas have a little poker game going tonight?

"l understand you fellas have a little poker game going tonight?"

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We get together every once in a while.

"We get together every once in a while."

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Coach thought you might like to sit in.

"Coach thought you might like to sit in."

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l haven't played poker in years. l just hope l don't embarrass myself.

"l haven't played poker in years. l just hope l don't embarrass myself."

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Embarrass yourself? You're playing poker with guys

"Embarrass yourself? You're playing poker with guys"

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who can't bet and chew gum at the same time.

"who can't bet and chew gum at the same time."

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We got an extra chair in here, Harry, if you wanna sit in.

"We got an extra chair in here, Harry, if you wanna sit in."

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Me?

"Me?"

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Well, l've heard that poker can be a pleasant diversion,

"Well, l've heard that poker can be a pleasant diversion,"

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if it doesn't get too intense.

"if it doesn't get too intense."

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- Aren't you playing, Coach? - Not me, George. Gin's my game.

"- Aren't you playing, Coach? - Not me, George. Gin's my game."

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OK. Minimum buy-in's $500. Let's see some money, gentlemen.

"OK. Minimum buy-in's $500. Let's see some money, gentlemen."

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You're pretty good.

"You're pretty good."

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- Lucky tonight. - Yeah, real lucky, huh, Harry?

"- Lucky tonight. - Yeah, real lucky, huh, Harry?"

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Your bet, Cliff.

"Your bet, Cliff."

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l'll see that 50 and l'll raise you...

"l'll see that 50 and l'll raise you..."

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Let's see. l'll raise you 1 00 Paul Revere commemoratives.

"Let's see. l'll raise you 1 00 Paul Revere commemoratives."

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You can't bet stamps.

"You can't bet stamps."

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l'll fold, then.

"l'll fold, then."

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- Up to you, Norm. - The Lord hates a coward.

"- Up to you, Norm. - The Lord hates a coward."

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l'll see the 50 and raise $300.

"l'll see the 50 and raise $300."

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- You're bluffing. - You're right. l'm out.

"- You're bluffing. - You're right. l'm out."

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l'll raise 500.

"l'll raise 500."

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Too rich for my blood.

"Too rich for my blood."

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l'm calling you, George.

"l'm calling you, George."

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Looks like it's my night, boys.

"Looks like it's my night, boys."

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Harry, maybe we ought to get out of the game.

"Harry, maybe we ought to get out of the game."

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- What for? - No reason.

"- What for? - No reason."

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You lost most of the money l put in,

"You lost most of the money l put in,"

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George has got all the cards, and you're playing lousy.

"George has got all the cards, and you're playing lousy."

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Everything's fine. l'm toying with him.

"Everything's fine. l'm toying with him."

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l'm giving him a false sense of security.

"l'm giving him a false sense of security."

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You're giving him a genuine sense of security.

"You're giving him a genuine sense of security."

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Fellas, let's play cards.

"Fellas, let's play cards."

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Straight to the jack.

"Straight to the jack."

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Damn.

"Damn."

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- What the hell happened? - l lost.

"- What the hell happened? - l lost."

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No kidding. You lost everything l put in.

"No kidding. You lost everything l put in."

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Why didn't you cheat? That was the whole point.

"Why didn't you cheat? That was the whole point."

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l ran every gaff l know and he beat me.

"l ran every gaff l know and he beat me."

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l don't know what to say to you except l'm sorry.

"l don't know what to say to you except l'm sorry."

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l'm going to wash up.

"l'm going to wash up."

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure."

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Sam, could l ask you a question? Does four of a kind beat a straight?

"Sam, could l ask you a question? Does four of a kind beat a straight?"

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Of course.

"Of course."

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Then why did Harry throw in these four threes?

"Then why did Harry throw in these four threes?"

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- Look what time it's getting to be. - George, hang on a second.

"- Look what time it's getting to be. - George, hang on a second."

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- What's going on here? - l'm just going home.

"- What's going on here? - l'm just going home."

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Maybe not.

"Maybe not."

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You and Harry concocted this whole deal this afternoon, right?

"You and Harry concocted this whole deal this afternoon, right?"

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Are you gonna go outside and split the winnings?

"Are you gonna go outside and split the winnings?"

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Of course not.

"Of course not."

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Then you wouldn't mind if we just take our money back.

"Then you wouldn't mind if we just take our money back."

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Try anything and l'll tell the police about this poker game.

"Try anything and l'll tell the police about this poker game."

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You could lose your liquor licence.

"You could lose your liquor licence."

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You've done this before.

"You've done this before."

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You made a fool out of me, and you can keep my money.

"You made a fool out of me, and you can keep my money."

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l just want my friends to get their money back, every penny.

"l just want my friends to get their money back, every penny."

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You understand?

"You understand?"

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l'm not giving you any of my money back, Coach.

"l'm not giving you any of my money back, Coach."

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- What if we cut up Harry's share? - That's not such a bad idea.

"- What if we cut up Harry's share? - That's not such a bad idea."

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You could play him again, beat him, and give us our money back.

"You could play him again, beat him, and give us our money back."

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l never did like the guy.

"l never did like the guy."

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- l'll challenge him to another game. - You think you can beat him?

"- l'll challenge him to another game. - You think you can beat him?"

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Of course l can.

"Of course l can."

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l can have three queens in my hand at any time.

"l can have three queens in my hand at any time."

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All l need to know is when he can't beat that.

"All l need to know is when he can't beat that."

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You mean like a sign?

"You mean like a sign?"

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Please let me give the sign. All this trouble's on account of me.

"Please let me give the sign. All this trouble's on account of me."

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Please let me give the sign.

"Please let me give the sign."

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l don't know. lt's tricky, isn't it?

"l don't know. lt's tricky, isn't it?"

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He is the last person Harry would figure being in on anything clever.

"He is the last person Harry would figure being in on anything clever."

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Just don't screw it up. Come here, Coach.

"Just don't screw it up. Come here, Coach."

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Give your sign the first time Harry can't beat three queens.

"Give your sign the first time Harry can't beat three queens."

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- What's the sign? - Let me see.

"- What's the sign? - Let me see."

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l'll rub my nose like this. lt's the old bunt sign.

"l'll rub my nose like this. lt's the old bunt sign."

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Got it.

"Got it."

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OK, good night, everybody.

"OK, good night, everybody."

Cheers

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