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Clips from Central Park - Mother's Daze (S02E02)

"She goes for the eyes."
Central Park
"Just make her drinks and we'll deal with this when I get back."
Central Park
"All right. Thankfully, I've got these two talented guys to help me out."
Central Park
"- My arms. - [laughs]"
Central Park
"- [hums] - Check out what I got for Mom."
Central Park
"- Oh, nuts. I was afraid this would happen. - What?"
Central Park
"That's gonna look like crap compared to my gift,"
Central Park
"- which I bought with my own money. - Which you bought with my own money."
Central Park
"- We know. - A stunning pearl necklace for a princess."
Central Park
"These are fake."
Central Park
"What? They're fake? But they're from the drugstore."
Central Park
"They wouldn't sell fake pearls at the drugstore. It's against the law."
Central Park
"- They're plastic. - Yeah."
Central Park
"- Pearls aren't made from plastic? - No, they're made from oyster stuff."
Central Park
"Oyster stuff?"
Central Park
"[gasps] Oysters make pearls? Was this on the news?"
Central Park
"I can't give her this junk!"
Central Park
"That's it. I'm making her a card like every year."
Central Park
"No! We're not little kids anymore, remember?"
Central Park
"You're a big boy. That's why this year we bought her stuff."
Central Park
"You're right. Mom needs a real gift, like real pearls."
Central Park
"I need 40 pregnant oysters, stat!"
Central Park
"I don't think that's how it works."
Central Park
"- Then we gotta go shopping. - Who's we?"
Central Park
"If you're not with me, I might buy her a fake hat or something."
Central Park
"What's a fake hat?"
Central Park
"- Are any hats real? - Okay, I'll go with you."
Central Park
"Milk and three sugars, just the way you like it."
Central Park
"- That's very sweet. - I'm a good husband."
Central Park
"I mean the coffee. Three sugars is very sweet."
Central Park
"I also got you this."
Central Park
"Oh, that's so nice. Also, I love having to carry things on a walk."
Central Park
"Get to carry things on a walk."
Central Park
"Shall we continue on with our already incredible stroll?"
Central Park
"And if we happen to find ourselves in an admittedly touristy swan boat--"
Central Park
"- Gosh darn it. - What?"
Central Park
"It's nothing. Work stuff."
Central Park
"Sorry, didn't mean to curse. Ignoring it. Today is your day."
Central Park
"- No, what is it? - That's an unsanctioned plaque."
Central Park
"What does that mean?"
Central Park
"People who don't wanna pay the money put up their own fake plaques."
Central Park
"- Sentimental punks, I guess. - Aw."
Central Park
""It's all really valuable, just keep going."
Central Park
"You'll find the next plaque where the streetlight is glowing.""
Central Park
"Great! Not even sentimental, they're just regular punks."
Central Park
"There's a process for plaques."
Central Park
"You fill out forms, you follow the rules. What's not fun about forms and rules?"
Central Park
"Huh. "You'll find the next plaque"--"
Central Park
"No, no, no. No reportering."
Central Park
"We're not doing an investigative piece about this plaque-simile."
Central Park
"[grunts] It comes right off and we're gonna keep moving."
Central Park
""Where the streetlight is glowing.""
Central Park
"I just wanna see one thing, real quick."
Central Park
"Paige, I have a super-thoughtful schedule that we kinda wanna stick to."
Central Park
"Don't plaque-block me."
Central Park
"[Bitsy] What's that, Mother?"
Central Park
"You're sorry you went to Europe on my birthday every year for 40 years?"
Central Park
"- Oh, I forgive you. - [licking]"
Central Park
"- [phone beeps] - One o'clock?"
Central Park
"Where's my 12:30 Schnapps Goes the Weasel?"
Central Park
"- Huh. Why am I so unstable? - [rattling]"
Central Park
"I mean, other than my childhood. Oh, my God. I'm sober!"
Central Park
"[groans] Dear, God! I'm going to die alone!"
Central Park
"- Shampagne will eat my corpse. - [sniffing]"
Central Park
"Stop that! I'm not dead yet!"
Central Park
"I just need my frigging room service! [sighs]"
Central Park
"Helen! Check the dumbwaiter. Helen!"
Central Park
"Oh, right, I keep forgetting."
Central Park
"[gasps, groans] Must get drinkie."
Central Park
"[quiet piano music plays]"
Central Park
"Ms. Brandenham, how's everything?"
Central Park
"Thirsty. You're three drinks late, Lionel,"
Central Park
"- and you've shot my pee schedule to hell. - Sorry."
Central Park
"I'm backed up, 'cause-- Actually, maybe now's a good time to talk to you."
Central Park
"Gross. Trust me, it's not. Make me a Schnapps Goes the Weasel."
Central Park
"- I just really need you to-- - [spits]"
Central Park
"- To hire back the... - [spits]"
Central Park
"- ...service bartenders. - [spits]"
Central Park
"Put drinkie in mouthie."
Central Park
"Listen, Bitsy, I'm the only person here who knows how to make your crazy drinks."
Central Park
"Which is bad news for you,"
Central Park
"because if you don't hire back the service bartenders, I'll quit."
Central Park
"- [spits] What? - You heard me."
Central Park
"Take it up with Helen."
Central Park
"She's in charge of the babies and wah-wahs in the hotel."
Central Park
"Which is what I'm hearing. Wah-wah!"
Central Park
"Helen's not here, so I'm telling you."
Central Park
"And if I leave, all of my customers leave with me."
Central Park
""Wah-wah. I'm Lionel."
Central Park
"Now I have to make drinks for the service bar too. Poor me.""
Central Park
"♪ It's all so draining ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Not that I'm royalty ♪"
Central Park
"♪ But so much complaining ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Where is his loyalty? ♪"
Central Park
"♪ I'm hardly a matron ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Yet I stand accused ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Decades his patron ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Just bring me my booze ♪"
Central Park
"[ice tinkles]"
Central Park
"♪ Pour, poor me ♪"
Central Park
"♪ More, more, please ♪"
Central Park
"♪ I'm so, I'm so thirsty ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Pour, poor me ♪"
Central Park
"♪ More, more, please ♪"
Central Park
"♪ I'm so, I'm so thirsty ♪"
Central Park
"♪ I could have been a doctor ♪"
Central Park
"♪ But I took my skills to libations ♪"
Central Park
"♪ A master serving master glasses ♪"
Central Park
"♪ She's finally in perspective ♪"
Central Park
"♪ The disrespect she has shown ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Shellacked and cracked In lacquered plaster ♪"
Central Park
"♪ You can't put a price on magic ♪"
Central Park
"♪ But he brings us booze ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Now anyone can be your friend ♪"
Central Park
"♪ But Lionel brings us booze ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Pour, poor me ♪"
Central Park
"♪ More, more, please ♪"
Central Park
"♪ We're so, we're so thirsty ♪"
Central Park
"♪ Pour, poor me ♪"
Central Park
"♪ He gave me his pants ♪ When I needed pants ♪"
Central Park
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