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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Pilot (S01E01)

"Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story."
How I Met Your Mother
"The story of how I met your mother."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Are we being punished for something? - No."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Yeah, is this gonna take a while? - Yes."
How I Met Your Mother
"Twenty-five years ago, before I was Dad, I had this whole other life."
How I Met Your Mother
"It was way back in 2005,"
How I Met Your Mother
"I was 27, just starting to make it as an architect"
How I Met Your Mother
"and living in New York with Marshall, my best friend from college,"
How I Met Your Mother
"My life was good,"
How I Met Your Mother
"And then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Will you marry me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yes. Perfect."
How I Met Your Mother
"And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne, you drink a toast,"
How I Met Your Mother
"you have sex on the kitchen floor."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Don't have sex on our kitchen floor. - Got it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother
"Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily."
How I Met Your Mother
"I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily."
How I Met Your Mother
"The night you met, your first date, other first things."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, sorry, we thought you were asleep."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's physics, Marshall."
How I Met Your Mother
"If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too."
How I Met Your Mother
"My God, you're getting engaged tonight."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah. What are you doing tonight?"
How I Met Your Mother
"What was I doing? Here, Uncle Marshall"
How I Met Your Mother
"was taking the biggest step of his life, And me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm calling up your Uncle Barney,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, now I've got a new favorite. Lebanese girls."
How I Met Your Mother
"Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, you wanna do something tonight?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Hey. - Where's your suit?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Just once, when I say "suit up," I wish you'd put on a suit."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I did. That one time. - It was a blazer."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know, ever since college it's been Marshall and Lily and me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Now it's gonna be Marshall and Lily and me."
How I Met Your Mother
"They'll get married, start a family."
How I Met Your Mother
"Before long, I'm that weird middle-aged bachelor"
How I Met Your Mother
"their kids call "Uncle Ted.""
How I Met Your Mother
"I see what this is about."
How I Met Your Mother
"Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Barney. We met at the urinal. - Oh, right. Hi."
How I Met Your Mother
"Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn't go with your suit."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I'm not wearing a suit. - Lesson two, get a suit."
How I Met Your Mother
"Suits are cool. Exhibit A."
How I Met Your Mother
"Lesson three,"
How I Met Your Mother
"don't even think about getting married till you're 30."
How I Met Your Mother
"Thirty. Right, you're right."
How I Met Your Mother
"I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged,"
How I Met Your Mother
"- you start thinking about that stuff. - I thought I was your best friend."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, say I'm your best friend."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You're my best friend, Barney. - Good."
How I Met Your Mother
"Then as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game I like to call,"
How I Met Your Mother
""Have you met Ted?""
How I Met Your Mother
"No, no, no, no, we're not playing "Have you met Ted.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Hi, have you met Ted?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Hi, I'm Ted. - Yasmin."
How I Met Your Mother
"- It's a very pretty name. - Thanks. It's Lebanese."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm exhausted."
How I Met Your Mother
"It was finger-painting day at school and a 5-year-old boy"
How I Met Your Mother
"got to second base with me."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Wow, you're cooking? - Yes, I am."
How I Met Your Mother
"Are you sure that's a good idea after last time."
How I Met Your Mother
"You looked really creepy without eyebrows."
How I Met Your Mother
"I can handle this."
How I Met Your Mother
"I think you'll find I'm full of surprises tonight."
How I Met Your Mother
"So there's more surprises? Like what?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Marshall was in his second year of law school,"
How I Met Your Mother
"so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Boogedy boo! And that's all of them."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm gonna go cook."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am."
How I Met Your Mother
"I just couldn't imagine settling down right now."
How I Met Your Mother
"- So do you think you'll ever get married? - Well, maybe eventually."
How I Met Your Mother
"Some fall day. Possibly in Central Park."
How I Met Your Mother
"Simple ceremony. We'll write our own vows."
How I Met Your Mother
"Band, no DJ."
How I Met Your Mother
"People will dance, I'm not gonna worry about it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Actually, I think it's cute. - Well, you're clearly drunk."
How I Met Your Mother
"One more for the lady!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, hey, look what I got."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, honey, champagne."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm not scared."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Then open it. - Fine."
How I Met Your Mother
"Please, open it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Gosh, you are unbelievable, Marshall."
How I Met Your Mother
"There are two big questions a man has to ask in life,"
How I Met Your Mother
"One you plan out for months, the other just slips out"
How I Met Your Mother
"when you're half-drunk at some bar,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Will you marry me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You wanna go out sometime?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Of course, you idiot!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend."
How I Met Your Mother
"What's up, Carl?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I promised Ted we wouldn't do that."
How I Met Your Mother
"Did you know there's a Pop-Tart under your fridge?"
How I Met Your Mother
"No, but dibs."
How I Met Your Mother
"Where's that champagne?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I wanna drink a toast with my fiancÈe."
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't know why I was so scared of this."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's pretty easy, right?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? This is crazy."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm not ready to settle down."
How I Met Your Mother
"How does Carl land a Lebanese girl?"
How I Met Your Mother
"The plan's always been"
How I Met Your Mother
"don't even think about it until you're 30."
How I Met Your Mother
"Exactly. The guy doesn't even own a suit."
How I Met Your Mother
"Plus, Marshall's found the love of his life."
How I Met Your Mother
"Even if I was ready, which I'm not,"
How I Met Your Mother
"but if I was, it's like, "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?""
How I Met Your Mother
"And there she was,"
How I Met Your Mother
"It was like something from an old movie"
How I Met Your Mother
"where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor,"
How I Met Your Mother
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