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Clips from Weeds - Perro Insano (S05E05)

"What if I need to get in?"
Weeds
"Maybe you need a secret knock."
Weeds
"Really?"
Weeds
"Cool, like what?"
Weeds
"I don't know."
Weeds
"Maybe you should make one up."
Weeds
"Okay."
Weeds
"Oh, I got one."
Weeds
"How's that?"
Weeds
"Celia?"
Weeds
"Security, there's a sweaty Jew in my hallway."
Weeds
"-How much? -A lot of money."
Weeds
"It'll be your bank account."
Weeds
"You can access it with an ATM card from any country. Also--"
Weeds
"-Mom. -Pick a place. Somewhere far."
Weeds
"-Are you serious? -Europe. Go to Europe."
Weeds
"Western Europe, the food's better."
Weeds
"-Amsterdam? -Sure. Amsterdam. Start there."
Weeds
"I'll get you a Eurail pass. You can go to museums..."
Weeds
"...stay in hostels, seduce traveling Australians."
Weeds
"-What's the catch? -There is no catch."
Weeds
"This is what you do when young. You travel Europe with a backpack."
Weeds
"Someone in this family should be doing something normal."
Weeds
"Why not you?"
Weeds
"I have been replaced as candidate for governor."
Weeds
"You leave tomorrow."
Weeds
"It was Celia. She forced me to lie. I didn't wanna do it."
Weeds
"And what did she promise you? Sex? Money?"
Weeds
"No. She-- Come to think of it, she never promised me anything."
Weeds
"Betrayer. Cockbreaker. How could you do this?"
Weeds
"-I didn't have a choice. -I am belly up, buddy."
Weeds
"You put a key on my kite in a shitstorm."
Weeds
"I dropped 5 grand on lip liner. You took away my business."
Weeds
"My splooge doesn't wanna come out."
Weeds
"It's stuck in a pocket between my balls."
Weeds
"Well, how do you think I feel, huh? She squeezed me out."
Weeds
"I was gonna be a drug kingpin."
Weeds
"I was gonna be Tony Montana. I got nothing."
Weeds
"What's with all the boxes?"
Weeds
"Gotta give up the space. Can't afford it."
Weeds
"-This a fresh pot? -Yeah."
Weeds
"She looted me, buddy."
Weeds
"-Wanna call the feds? -I'd be disbarred."
Weeds
"-I'd be fine. -Hey, we're in this together."
Weeds
"-Not until we're even. -Even?"
Weeds
"Yeah. Teeny Deany."
Weeds
"Dip them in."
Weeds
"-What? -Whip them out. Dip them in."
Weeds
"Are you out of your mind? Get away from me."
Weeds
"You wanna go up against Celia? You're gonna need my help."
Weeds
"Drop the pants. Dunk the Dean nuts."
Weeds
"-My balls--? No. Not my balls. -Yes, balls."
Weeds
"And I see you trying to get hard. No way. Flaccid in the acid."
Weeds
"-But-- -Dunk."
Weeds
"You have the votes."
Weeds
"Why aren't you fighting? You could win."
Weeds
"Oh, no. Pilar has an army."
Weeds
"You have the people. In America, we call it "wagging the dog.""
Weeds
"Well, in my country, dogs travel in packs."
Weeds
"-So that's it. She wins. -Yeah. She won."
Weeds
"And now we can be married."
Weeds
"And have a beautiful, lavish wedding..."
Weeds
"...with all our friends and family."
Weeds
"And I will feed you cake."
Weeds
"Small ceremony. No friends. Limited family."
Weeds
"Chocolate cake. Entenmann's."
Weeds
"I cannot put you and your family in anymore danger."
Weeds
"So you would run if you didn't have a family?"
Weeds
"I did not say that."
Weeds
"And you would win."
Weeds
"Yes. I would win."
Weeds
"Then do it."
Weeds
"So I gave it some thought."
Weeds
"And I respectfully decline your offer."
Weeds
"No, you're not declining. No."
Weeds
"-I'm not going. -This is not up for discussion."
Weeds
"Esteban has decided to run for governor independently."
Weeds
"I'll be sure and wear his campaign shirt."
Weeds
"Which means, you not here."
Weeds
"Which means one son less to keep track of, to worry about."
Weeds
"-Shane's here. Stevie's here. -They're kids."
Weeds
"You're old enough to take care of yourself."
Weeds
"Your brothers will be fine."
Weeds
"-Say "excuse me." -No."
Weeds
"I'm announcing in a week."
Weeds
"-You should be gone before then. -Listen to him."
Weeds
"I appreciate you being preemptive for once in our lives, but--"
Weeds
"How is it that I have to beg an 18 year old to travel Europe..."
Weeds
"...with a wad of cash and my blessing?"
Weeds
"How is it you expect me to believe that my brothers will be fine?"
Weeds
"No one is fine around you."
Weeds
"So I'm staying here."
Weeds
"In this house."
Weeds
"This beer is warm."
Weeds
"Someone get me another."
Weeds
"Where's the fucking staff? I have thirst."
Weeds
"No more beer."
Weeds
"And you better protect us."
Weeds
"I can do that."
Weeds
"He can do that."
Weeds
"So I'll move my shit in."
Weeds
"The two of you can stop dicking around already and get married."
Weeds
"And on we'll go."
Weeds
"One big happy."
Weeds
"Get in the pool, fags."
Weeds
"You're early. I'm not even dressed yet."
Weeds
"What's that?"
Weeds
"Wedding present."
Weeds
"I filled out all the forms..."
Weeds
"...to put Esteban's name on the birth certificate."
Weeds
"So sign them and we're done."
Weeds
"You didn't make a registry, so this will have to do."
Weeds
"I actually did make a registry weeks ago. Williams-Sonoma."
Weeds
"-We could use a new tortilla warmer. -I'll get right on that."
Weeds
"Are you sure about this?"
Weeds
"Yes."
Weeds
"Do you have a plan?"
Weeds
"I'm gonna go back to the house and spread out my life like a map."
Weeds
"Deliberate on the topography, chart my path..."
Weeds
"...maybe call a girl who calls me on my shit."
Weeds
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