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Clips from This Fool - The Devil Made Me Do It (S01E01)

"She's mean to your tío Julio."
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"- What does she do to you?"
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"- She calls me nasty names."
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"Like Pepperoni Tits."
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"- That's funny. - Well, that's not all she does."
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"She also hits me."
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"- She does?"
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"- Yeah, she hits me really hard, and it hurts a lot."
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"And if you let her be your godmother, she might start hitting you too."
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"Also, she worships the devil."
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"- [gasps] Does she drink your blood?"
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"- I've lost so much blood, mijo."
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"- Is that why you look so old?"
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"♪"
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"- Yes."
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"- Don't cry, tío."
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"- I'm not crying. - Oh."
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"Kinda looked like you were going to cry for a second."
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"- No, I wasn't. - Oh."
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"ROCIO: Okay, kids, it's time to go."
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"- Okay, just tell your mom you don't want your tía Maggie"
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"to be your madrina, okay?"
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"- Okay. JULIO: I'll protect you. Give me a hug."
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"[whispering] Get outta here. Go, go."
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"[evil laughter on TV]"
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"- We are all animals, my lady."
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"Most are too afraid to see it."
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"JULIO: Hey."
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"How are the amends going?"
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"I know that shit can be hard."
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"- No, I'm not doing that shit anymore."
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"Turns out the devil made me do all that stuff,"
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"so it wasn't even my fault."
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"- What are you talking about, the devil made you do it?"
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"- Julio, you fucking pendejo!"
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"- Did you tell Aiden that Maggie hits you and worships the devil?"
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"- What? - It was a joke."
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"That fuckin' snitch wasn't supposed to tell."
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"And also, I was just giving you an out."
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"You know, just in case you don't wanna be Aiden's godmother."
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"- I didn't ask for an out."
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"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
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"- You know what, Julio? You're fired as padrino."
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"- Good. It's what you get."
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"- Hey, Luis, you wanna be Aiden's nino?"
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"- Oh, wow. It's a lot of responsibility."
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"You know, protecting him from the devil and all."
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"Just wonder if I'm up for the task at hand."
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"- Just fuckin' say yes, goddamn it. - Alright. Yes, I'll do it."
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"Sabes que? I could get him a piñata for the after-party."
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"[whistles]"
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"- People don't buy piñatas for a First Communion, dumbass."
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"- You clearly don't know what you're talking about."
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"You just got fired, bitch."
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"- Why the fuck would you tell Aiden I hit you?"
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"- It was a joke!"
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"[camera shutter clicking]"
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"♪ mariachi music playing ♪"
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"♪"
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"LUIS: Hey, I like your necklace. - Oh, thank you."
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"Um, you look good too. Is this a new tie?"
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"LUIS: Nah, I jacked it from Julio."
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"[Luis laughs]"
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"It looks like I'd be the manager of Circuit City."
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"- Okay."
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"- Ay, see you in there."
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"COUSIN JOHNNY: Damn."
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"So you're a padrino now?"
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"Don't seem right to me."
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"- Oh, shit, Johnny?"
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"It's been a long-ass time."
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"The last time I saw you, you were skinny."
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"What happened, homey, you got a set of twins in there or what?"
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"- Hey, fuck you, perro!"
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"You got something you wanna say to me?"
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"- Like what?"
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"- Like a fuckin' apology for doing me dirty back in the day."
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"- Oh! Hey, you know what?"
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"I recently found out it wasn't me that did you dirty."
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"It was the devil."
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"I'm mad he did you dirty too."
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"JOHNNY: That's some bullshit."
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"You're still a fuckin' asshole."
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"With a godfather like you,"
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"I'm worried about little dude Aiden over there."
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"Cabrón."
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"- ¿Sabes que?"
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"I'm gonna be the best godfather that little fool's ever had."
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"Aiden, where the fuck you going?"
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"- I-I gotta do my first confession."
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"- Alright, then, I got you, mijo."
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"I'm your fuckin' nino."
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"[bell tolling]"
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"Let's go."
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"- [nervously] Uh, hi, father, this is my first confession."
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"- Nothing to be nervous about, my son."
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"Just speak your sins."
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"- Alleged sins, homey."
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"- The sacrament of penance is one that must be taken privately."
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"- It's cool, father, alright? I'm the nino."
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"Go ahead, mijo."
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"- I make fart noises with my armpit during school"
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"when the teacher isn't looking."
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"I accused my brother Michael of farting"
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"when it was actually me who farted."
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"And I farted on his face while he was sleeping."
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"- Well, my son, farting itself is not a sin,"
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"but doing so with malice is."
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"- Nah, nah, nah, hold up, dawg."
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"The devil made him do those farts."
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"- God gave us free will so that we may choose between right and wrong."
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"- Damn, father!"
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"You're just gonna let the devil off the hook like that?"
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"And furthermore, you're gonna victim blame a little boy"
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"who was tricked by a demon?"
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"The devil made him throw those pedos. Satanas!"
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"- Let's forget about the devil right now."
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"- Wish I could."
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"- Tell me more about your sins, my son."
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"- I also collect gum from underneath the tables"
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