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Clips from Family Guy - An App a Day (S14E14)

"Are you also married?"
Family Guy
"My phone's broken."
Family Guy
"I'm not surprised."
Family Guy
"It's probably because of all those apps"
Family Guy
"you've been downloading."
Family Guy
"Don't say apps like you're young."
Family Guy
"No, I took it in the shower"
Family Guy
"'cause I didn't know you could pause a game."
Family Guy
"Here, Chris. Your first cell phone!"
Family Guy
"Yay!"
Family Guy
"Something my dad held in the bathroom!"
Family Guy
"You know, Chris, you could probably salvage that phone."
Family Guy
"If you put it in a bag of uncooked rice, it'll dry out."
Family Guy
"Really?"
Family Guy
"Yeah. And then you can use the rice"
Family Guy
"to pretend someone wanted to marry you."
Family Guy
"Ladies and gentlemen,"
Family Guy
"Mr. and Mrs. Dog and Meg the Bounty Hunter!"
Family Guy
"Holy moley!"
Family Guy
"Marcy Miller!"
Family Guy
"She bought feminine products at my dad's pharmacy,"
Family Guy
"so you know she's up and running."
Family Guy
"Yeah, I wish I had the guts to talk to her."
Family Guy
"Talk to her?"
Family Guy
"Chris, no one talks to each other anymore."
Family Guy
"If you want to get a girl's attention,"
Family Guy
"you text her a picture of your penis."
Family Guy
"What? Really?"
Family Guy
"Are-Are you sure? Oh, yeah."
Family Guy
"People who send their daughters to public high schools"
Family Guy
"are basically asking for this."
Family Guy
"Well, I did just get this new phone from my dad."
Family Guy
"All right, what could go wrong?"
Family Guy
"It worked out great for..."
Family Guy
"Ah. This is it, Bri."
Family Guy
"The Quahog Racquet Club."
Family Guy
"Where frail old men come to weigh themselves in the nude."
Family Guy
"Does that say 84 or 85?"
Family Guy
"It says 63."
Family Guy
"Oh, dear."
Family Guy
"How'd you get all those cuts on your butt?"
Family Guy
"Wow, they allow drinking here at 10:30 in the morning?"
Family Guy
"Oh, yes, half the bathroom trash is thrown-up scrambled eggs."
Family Guy
"Okay, so this place has hot women,"
Family Guy
"morning booze and free vomit?"
Family Guy
"Maybe I'll join you. You don't play tennis."
Family Guy
"What are you talking about? I'm a great tennis player."
Family Guy
"You are? Well, that's perfect."
Family Guy
"There's a doubles tournament coming up,"
Family Guy
"and I could really use a partner."
Family Guy
"Well, you found him!"
Family Guy
"All right, all right, I suppose we can make this work."
Family Guy
"Like that actress from Rizzoli & Isles"
Family Guy
"and her husband do."
Family Guy
"Honey, I thought we could do"
Family Guy
"a little role-playing tonight."
Family Guy
"Oh, yeah? What'd you have in mind?"
Family Guy
"Maybe I could be my character from the show."
Family Guy
"Oh! Yeah!"
Family Guy
"From the show!"
Family Guy
"Sure."
Family Guy
"Um... oh, no!"
Family Guy
"It's the... law enforcement woman."
Family Guy
"Part of that great team of Rizzoli and Isles."
Family Guy
"You don't know what part I play, do you?"
Family Guy
"Hey, look, you didn't marry me because of my brains."
Family Guy
"You married me because I play"
Family Guy
"one of the main bad guys in Blue Bloods."
Family Guy
"Now let's just stop talking and have idiot actor sex."
Family Guy
"Thank you for coming, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin."
Family Guy
"We've got a bit of a situation,"
Family Guy
"which is why I've asked Officer Swanson to join us."
Family Guy
"It appears Chris sent an inappropriate photo of himself"
Family Guy
"to one of his classmates."
Family Guy
"That's right."
Family Guy
"He texted a picture of his peenie."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God!"
Family Guy
"And apparently the girl... Oh, thank God."
Family Guy
"...he sent it to doesn't like him back,"
Family Guy
"so she turned him in."
Family Guy
"Okay, I can see everybody's mad, but..."
Family Guy
"what'd you think?"
Family Guy
"Thank you for bringing this"
Family Guy
"to our attention, Principal Shepherd."
Family Guy
"We'll make sure Chris apologizes"
Family Guy
"to that little knob-tease."
Family Guy
"I'm sorry, Lois, but it's not that simple."
Family Guy
"When Chris sent that picture,"
Family Guy
"he was technically distributing child pornography."
Family Guy
"Child pornography?!"
Family Guy
"Joe, that's crazy!"
Family Guy
"He's just a teenager who made a bad choice."
Family Guy
"I don't know what to say, but the laws just haven't caught up"
Family Guy
"to how cool kids are now."
Family Guy
"I'm sorry, but this makes Chris a sex offender."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God!"
Family Guy
"Huh."
Family Guy
"Well, I'm not about to make a Batman exit right now,"
Family Guy
"but has that thing always been over there?"
Family Guy
"Over where?"
Family Guy
"What are you doing, Peter?"
Family Guy
"Ah, you looked back too fast."
Family Guy
"Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker."
Family Guy
"Today, we bring you a disturbing case of child pornography."
Family Guy
"Local teenage scumbag Chris Griffin,"
Family Guy
"whose name will be omitted here,"
Family Guy
"was caught sending, quote-unquote,"
Family Guy
"graphic selfies of his hog--"
Family Guy
"not sure where that quote is from--"
Family Guy
"to another underage student."
Family Guy
"Coming up next, teleprompter guy puts the period in a weird."
Family Guy
"Place."
Family Guy
"Oh, this is awful."
Family Guy
"Now everyone in town knows I'm a sex offender!"
Family Guy
"We know you didn't mean any harm, Chris."
Family Guy
"We're just living in a different time."
Family Guy
"When I was your age,"
Family Guy
"boys used to just whip it out on the bus."
Family Guy
"Can't I just go on the news and tell everyone I'm sorry?"
Family Guy
"Oh, I wish you could, sweetie,"
Family Guy
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