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Clips from Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I DON'T THINK THEY'D TOUCH ME...

"I DON'T THINK THEY'D TOUCH ME..."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

'CAUSE MY VICE PRESIDENT WOULD BE MEXICAN

"'CAUSE MY VICE PRESIDENT WOULD BE MEXICAN"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

FOR A LITTLE INSURANCE.

"FOR A LITTLE INSURANCE."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ?

"KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ?"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU CAN SHOOT ME IF YOU WANT,

"YOU CAN SHOOT ME IF YOU WANT,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

BUT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA OPEN THE BORDER UP, SO,

"BUT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA OPEN THE BORDER UP, SO,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU MIGHT AS WELL LEAVE ME

"YOU MIGHT AS WELL LEAVE ME"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND VICE PRESIDENT SANTIAGO TO OUR OWN DEVICES.

"AND VICE PRESIDENT SANTIAGO TO OUR OWN DEVICES."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

"AIN'T THAT RIGHT, SANTIAGO ?"

""AIN'T THAT RIGHT, SANTIAGO ?""

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

"Sí, Sí !

""Sí, Sí !"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

ELIAN CAN STAY !"

"ELIAN CAN STAY !""

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY,

"DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I DON'T GOT NO ELIAN JOKES.

"I DON'T GOT NO ELIAN JOKES."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

ALL I'LL SAY ABOUT ELIAN IS THANK GOD HE'S CUBAN.

"ALL I'LL SAY ABOUT ELIAN IS THANK GOD HE'S CUBAN."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

'CAUSE IF HE WAS HAITIAN,

"'CAUSE IF HE WAS HAITIAN,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU WOULD'VE NEVER HEARD ABOUT HIS ASS !

"YOU WOULD'VE NEVER HEARD ABOUT HIS ASS !"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

UH-UH...

"UH-UH..."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

IF ELIAN GONZALEZ WAS ELIAN MAMUMBO

"IF ELIAN GONZALEZ WAS ELIAN MAMUMBO"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

FROM HAITI,

"FROM HAITI,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THEY WOULDA PUSHED THAT LITTLE RUBBER TUBE

"THEY WOULDA PUSHED THAT LITTLE RUBBER TUBE"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

RIGHT BACK INTO THE WATER.

"RIGHT BACK INTO THE WATER."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

"SORRY, FELLA, ALL FULL.

""SORRY, FELLA, ALL FULL."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

GOOD LUCK."

"GOOD LUCK.""

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THE ONLY THING IN OUR SOCIETY THAT BOTHERS ME THE MOST,

"THE ONLY THING IN OUR SOCIETY THAT BOTHERS ME THE MOST,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

IS THE WAY THAT MEN AND WOMEN

"IS THE WAY THAT MEN AND WOMEN"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

DON'T GET ALONG NO MORE.

"DON'T GET ALONG NO MORE."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THAT'S REALLY WHAT'S BUGGING ME ABOUT IT.

"THAT'S REALLY WHAT'S BUGGING ME ABOUT IT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

MEN AND WOMEN JUST DON'T GET ALONG.

"MEN AND WOMEN JUST DON'T GET ALONG."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

LIKE, I HEAR WOMEN SAY THIS ALL THE TIME.

"LIKE, I HEAR WOMEN SAY THIS ALL THE TIME."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I KNOW A LOT OF YOU SISTERS WILL BE LIKE,

"I KNOW A LOT OF YOU SISTERS WILL BE LIKE,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

"CHIVALRY IS DEAD."

""CHIVALRY IS DEAD.""

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

DON'T YA ALL FEEL THAT WAY ?

"DON'T YA ALL FEEL THAT WAY ?"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

LIKE MEN AREN'T GENTLEMEN ANYMORE ?

"LIKE MEN AREN'T GENTLEMEN ANYMORE ?"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THAT'S RIGHT,

"THAT'S RIGHT,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

CHIVALRY IS DEAD, AND WOMEN KILLED IT.

"CHIVALRY IS DEAD, AND WOMEN KILLED IT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THERE'S A FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE

"THERE'S A FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

IN THE WAY WE'RE GONNA SEE THINGS.

"IN THE WAY WE'RE GONNA SEE THINGS."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

WE'RE NOT GONNA SEE EYE-TO-EYE ON THIS ISSUE,

"WE'RE NOT GONNA SEE EYE-TO-EYE ON THIS ISSUE,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

WE'RE JUST NOT.

"WE'RE JUST NOT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

OUR TESTS IN LIFE ARE DIFFERENT.

"OUR TESTS IN LIFE ARE DIFFERENT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

A WOMEN'S TEST IN LIFE IS MATERIAL.

"A WOMEN'S TEST IN LIFE IS MATERIAL."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

A MAN'S TEST IN LIFE IS A WOMAN.

"A MAN'S TEST IN LIFE IS A WOMAN."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

NOW, BY TESTS, I MEAN THAT THOSE ARE THE THINGS

"NOW, BY TESTS, I MEAN THAT THOSE ARE THE THINGS"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THAT WE DESIRE.

"THAT WE DESIRE."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

MEN HAVE NICE CARS.

"MEN HAVE NICE CARS."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

NOT 'CAUSE THEY LIKE NICE CARS,

"NOT 'CAUSE THEY LIKE NICE CARS,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

BECAUSE THEY KNOW WOMEN LIKE NICE CARS.

"BECAUSE THEY KNOW WOMEN LIKE NICE CARS."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THAT'S HOW IT GOES.

"THAT'S HOW IT GOES."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

'CAUSE MEN ARE HUNTERS AND THE CAR'S THE BAIT.

"'CAUSE MEN ARE HUNTERS AND THE CAR'S THE BAIT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND A WOMAN COMES OUT AND SAYS, "OOH, NICE PORSCHE."

"AND A WOMAN COMES OUT AND SAYS, "OOH, NICE PORSCHE.""

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

"GOTCHA BITCH !"

""GOTCHA BITCH !""

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

( applause )

"( applause )"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THAT'S HOW IT IS.

"THAT'S HOW IT IS."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THAT'S TRUE.

"THAT'S TRUE."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

C'MON, NOW, YOU GO TO A WOMAN'S HOUSE

"C'MON, NOW, YOU GO TO A WOMAN'S HOUSE"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

HER HOUSE'LL BE COMFORTABLE AS SHIT.

"HER HOUSE'LL BE COMFORTABLE AS SHIT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

WOMEN LOVE COMFORTABLE SURROUNDINGS,

"WOMEN LOVE COMFORTABLE SURROUNDINGS,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

SO, MEN GET COMFORTABLE SURROUNDINGS.

"SO, MEN GET COMFORTABLE SURROUNDINGS."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

BUT, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

"BUT, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

IF A MAN COULD FUCK A WOMAN IN A CARDBOARD BOX,

"IF A MAN COULD FUCK A WOMAN IN A CARDBOARD BOX,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

HE WOULDN'T BUY A HOUSE.

"HE WOULDN'T BUY A HOUSE."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

BUT, THAT'S STILL NOT WHERE CHIVALRY GOT KILLED.

"BUT, THAT'S STILL NOT WHERE CHIVALRY GOT KILLED."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

CHIVALRY GOT KILLED BY THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT

"CHIVALRY GOT KILLED BY THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

ON THE MAGAZINES THAT GOT WOMEN GOING CRAZY.

"ON THE MAGAZINES THAT GOT WOMEN GOING CRAZY."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

BECAUSE WOMEN GOT TOO MUCH ADVICE ABOUT MEN

"BECAUSE WOMEN GOT TOO MUCH ADVICE ABOUT MEN"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

FROM OTHER WOMEN.

"FROM OTHER WOMEN."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.

"AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

IT'S TRUE.

"IT'S TRUE."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I SEE THIS SHIT IN THE MAGAZINES.

"I SEE THIS SHIT IN THE MAGAZINES."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I DON'T READ 'EM, BUT, I BE SEEIN' THE COVER.

"I DON'T READ 'EM, BUT, I BE SEEIN' THE COVER."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I'LL BE IN THE GROCERY STORE,

"I'LL BE IN THE GROCERY STORE,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

FELLAS, YOU LOOKING AT MAGAZINES, "WHAT IS THIS ?"

"FELLAS, YOU LOOKING AT MAGAZINES, "WHAT IS THIS ?""

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND IT SAYS ON THE COVER,

"AND IT SAYS ON THE COVER,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

"100 WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR MAN",

""100 WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR MAN","

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

BY SOME LADY.

"BY SOME LADY."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

GET OUTTA HERE, NOW, C'MON.

"GET OUTTA HERE, NOW, C'MON."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AIN'T NO 100 WAYS, THAT LIST IS FOUR THINGS LONG.

"AIN'T NO 100 WAYS, THAT LIST IS FOUR THINGS LONG."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

JUST, SUCK HIS DICK, PLAY WITH HIS BALLS,

"JUST, SUCK HIS DICK, PLAY WITH HIS BALLS,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

FIX HIM A SANDWICH, AND, DON'T TALK SO MUCH !

"FIX HIM A SANDWICH, AND, DON'T TALK SO MUCH !"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND THEY'RE GONNA BE HAPPY !

"AND THEY'RE GONNA BE HAPPY !"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YEAH.

"YEAH."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND THEN THE MAGAZINE'S TRICK THE WOMEN.

"AND THEN THE MAGAZINE'S TRICK THE WOMEN."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THE MAGAZINE'S START PICKING AT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.

"THE MAGAZINE'S START PICKING AT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

EVERY PAGE YOU TURN,

"EVERY PAGE YOU TURN,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU START FEELING FATTER AND UGLIER,

"YOU START FEELING FATTER AND UGLIER,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR CLOTHES AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

"AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR CLOTHES AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND THE MAGAZINES HAVE YOU FORGETTING

"AND THE MAGAZINES HAVE YOU FORGETTING"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

HOW FUCKING BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.

"HOW FUCKING BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.

"AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

NOW, LOOK WHAT HAPPENS...

"NOW, LOOK WHAT HAPPENS..."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

( applause )

"( applause )"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND THEN YOU FORGET HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE,

"AND THEN YOU FORGET HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND WE ALL SUFFER.

"AND WE ALL SUFFER."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

IF PUSSY WAS A STOCK,

"IF PUSSY WAS A STOCK,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

IT WOULD BE PLUMMETING RIGHT NOW

"IT WOULD BE PLUMMETING RIGHT NOW"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

BECAUSE YOU FLOODED THE MARKET WITH IT,

"BECAUSE YOU FLOODED THE MARKET WITH IT,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU'RE GIVING IT AWAY TOO EASY.

"YOU'RE GIVING IT AWAY TOO EASY."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I'M JUST BEING TRUTHFUL.

"I'M JUST BEING TRUTHFUL."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I'M JUST TALKING.

"I'M JUST TALKING."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

IT WOULD PLUMMET.

"IT WOULD PLUMMET."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU'D BE WATCHING THE NEWS,

"YOU'D BE WATCHING THE NEWS,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

"TODAY, PUSSY PLUMMETED AGAIN

""TODAY, PUSSY PLUMMETED AGAIN"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

"ON THE NASDAQ.

""ON THE NASDAQ."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

GOLD IS UP 10 POINTS."

"GOLD IS UP 10 POINTS.""

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU CAN SEE IT, YOU EVER HAVE THIS HAPPEN ?

"YOU CAN SEE IT, YOU EVER HAVE THIS HAPPEN ?"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THIS IS HOW CONFUSING IT IS.

"THIS IS HOW CONFUSING IT IS."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

THIS IS THE PRACTICAL APPLICATION

"THIS IS THE PRACTICAL APPLICATION"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

OF WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.

"OF WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

A GUY'LL BE OUT, THIS HAPPENS TO A LOT, GUYS,

"A GUY'LL BE OUT, THIS HAPPENS TO A LOT, GUYS,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU'LL BE OUT AT A CLUB, A BAR, RIGHT ?

"YOU'LL BE OUT AT A CLUB, A BAR, RIGHT ?"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU'RE JUST KICKING WITH YOUR BOYS.

"YOU'RE JUST KICKING WITH YOUR BOYS."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND A GIRL WALKS BY, AND, MAN, SHE LOOKS GOOD.

"AND A GIRL WALKS BY, AND, MAN, SHE LOOKS GOOD."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

NOT GOOD IN THAT CLASSICAL WAY.

"NOT GOOD IN THAT CLASSICAL WAY."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

I'M TALKING GOOD LIKE,

"I'M TALKING GOOD LIKE,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

SHE GOT HALF HER ASS HANGING OUT OF HER SKIRT,

"SHE GOT HALF HER ASS HANGING OUT OF HER SKIRT,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

MMMM.

"MMMM."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

HER TITTIES ARE ALL MASHED TOGETHER.

"HER TITTIES ARE ALL MASHED TOGETHER."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

POPPING OUT THE TOP OF HER TURTLENECK AND SHIT.

"POPPING OUT THE TOP OF HER TURTLENECK AND SHIT."

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

AND YOU'RE WITH YOUR BUDDIES, RIGHT ?

"AND YOU'RE WITH YOUR BUDDIES, RIGHT ?"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

YOU GOT A COUPLE OF DRINKS IN YOU,

"YOU GOT A COUPLE OF DRINKS IN YOU,"

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

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