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Clips from The Goldbergs - Lainey Loves Lionel (S03E03)

"ADULT ADAM: The '80s gave us the multiplex..."
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"10 glorious movies under one roof,"
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"a heaven where you could literally spend"
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"a whole day inside, delighting in mystery, action,"
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"and some of the greatest films ever made."
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"One for ET. One for Indiana Jones, please."
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"One ticket for Mannequin."
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"One for The Lost Boys, please."
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"One for Weekend at Bernie's."
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"They put sunglasses on a corpse. (CHUCKLES)"
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"ADULT ADAM: And then a movie came along that changed everything"
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"for countless young men on the verge of adulthood."
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"Porky's! Oh, yes!"
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"Hell, no!"
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"Do you realize that movie is packed with potty language,"
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"adult situations, and Florida attitude?"
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"Yeah. That's why I want to see it."
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"Not with those beautiful and innocent eyes."
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"One's kind of wonky. The other one's all right."
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"Point is, no Porky's."
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"It's rated R, and you need my permission,"
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"which I will never, ever, ever give."
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"Well, in a few years, I won't even need your permission."
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"I'll just rent it on Beta."
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"Well, not if I contact every video store in the state."
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"Well, I'll legally change my name."
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"Well, then I'll do a mass mailing for your photo."
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"Well, then I'll have extensive plastic surgery and change my face."
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"Well, then I'll hire the A-Team"
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"to capture you and bring you home."
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"Well, then I'll hire Delta Force"
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"to combat your precious A-Team."
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"What's going on with you two?"
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"What's going on is, you're a good boy."
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"And if I say that movie isn't appropriate, then you'll listen."
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"(GASPS) What about Annie, huh?"
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"I hear you singing it's a hard-knock life."
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"Every morning when you make your poopalas."
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"ADULT ADAM: But my mom was on to something."
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"That little redhead would be our perfect cover."
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"Okay. Just got our Annie tickets."
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"Now all we got to do is sneak into Porky's."
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"This is it. The last time we'll see each other as boys."
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"Bear witness to the end of my innocence, bro."
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"Okay, no one panic, but I'm like 99.9% sure"
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"that ticket guy is on to us!"
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"You're freaking out."
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"I am not!"
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"Then why is your voice all high and squeaky?"
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"That's just how I sound now."
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"Stop yapping and come on already."
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"Wait! We missed the first minute!"
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"All the naughty stuff will be way less enjoyable"
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"if we don't understand how it fits into the story!"
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"ADULT ADAM: It was one of those moments"
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"that show you what you're made of."
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"Was I gonna stay a scared little boy,"
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"or would I become a man?"
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"No, Annie! There's no way to go but up."
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"How is this not rated R?"
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"This wasn't in the stage production."
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"I was not prepared for this."
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"¶ I'm twisted up inside"
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"¶ But nonetheless I feel the need to say"
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"¶ I don't know the future"
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"¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶"
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"ADULT ADAM: It was February 10, 1980-something,"
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"and Valentine's Day was right around the corner."
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"Barry, you know I love you, but please don't be an idiot"
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"and go crazy on Valentine's Day."
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"I mean it. What?"
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"All I asked was if there was anywhere to park"
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"a hot-air balloon on your property."
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"I'm serious."
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"I'm not one of those girls who likes"
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"big public displays of affection."
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"Just keep it small, okay?"
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"ADULT ADAM: Back then, keeping it small meant"
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"my brother's only option was the Love-A-Gram."
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"It made the cool kids feel cooler"
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"and the lonely goobers feel even lonelier."
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"Hey, uh, I'd like to send a flower to chemistry class for,"
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"um (CHUCKLES)"
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"Yourself?"
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"It's okay, Naked Rob. You'll find love one day."
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"Hey, man. How you doing?"
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"Uh, I'm fine."
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"Gah! You're always, like, right there."
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"Enough already. Okay?"
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"Look, just do what every high-school boy on the planet does."
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"Get her flowers."
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"You want me to get Lainey flowers?"
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"They're nature's trash! They don't even do anything."
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"Trust me. Every girl loves roses."
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"(SINGSONG VOICE) Erica Goldberg!"
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"I got roses for you!"
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"Crap. Why?"
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"Don't you just love V-Day?"
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"Ooh! Here."
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"I got 100 roses from your secret admirer."
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"100? Come on, man!"
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"How mysterious and sexy."
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"Not to mention bulky and unwieldy."
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"Who knows? Maybe today, your secret admirer will reveal himself"
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"and you'll realize that love was under your nose the whole time."
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"Or I tell him that I have no feelings for him at all"
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"and we shake hands and go our separate ways."
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"Or you kiss him 'cause you realize you're soul mates."
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"Or I knee him in the coin purse"
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"because now he's getting creepy."
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"(SIGHS) I was so close."
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"Were you, though?"
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"ADULT ADAM: While Erica was breaking hearts,"
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"my friends were bragging about breaking in to Porky's."
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"I feel like Porky's graphic adult content wasn't blatant."
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"It was earned, you know?"
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"I feel like, at its core, it was a story of friendship."
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"Mmm. And boobs."
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"(CHUCKLES) Not to be this guy, but Kim Cattrall is so hot."
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"Psst! Know who's even hotter?"
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