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Clips from Single Drunk Female - Pilot (S01E01)

"♪ 'Cause it won't end up going your way ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ I've been fooled once, but I won't be fooled again ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ My Z‐O‐D told me we don't match today ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ So I've been duckin', you're buggin' ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ Like Frank, catch me if you can ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ Catch me if you can ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ Quite frankly, I think that you'll thank me ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ For this when you understand ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"Oh. What are you getting all tarted‐up for?"
Single Drunk Female
"I have an audition for Chicago, national tour."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Really? ‐I'm going to meet"
Single Drunk Female
"‐my new probation officer. ‐Well,"
Single Drunk Female
"let's hope, for your sake, he's a man,"
Single Drunk Female
"because men let things slide"
Single Drunk Female
"‐when you're pretty. ‐Oh."
Single Drunk Female
"Thank you for saying I look pretty while I"
Single Drunk Female
"‐hide my withdrawal zits. ‐You're welcome."
Single Drunk Female
"You're not actually really covering your zits."
Single Drunk Female
"‐That's a little... It's pale. ‐Okay."
Single Drunk Female
"The color. Teeny. Teeny. Here..."
Single Drunk Female
"♪ Trying to play a big boy game... ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"WOMAN: Don't play the family card."
Single Drunk Female
"I cannot right now."
Single Drunk Female
"Mm‐mmm."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay."
Single Drunk Female
"(sighs) Bye. Bye."
Single Drunk Female
"Sorry."
Single Drunk Female
"My sister's husband just died."
Single Drunk Female
"‐It's a whole thing. (sighs) ‐Oh."
Single Drunk Female
"Well, he was 87."
Single Drunk Female
"He lived a good life."
Single Drunk Female
"And now she's very rich."
Single Drunk Female
"But we're here to talk about you."
Single Drunk Female
"So..."
Single Drunk Female
"Mm."
Single Drunk Female
"I had one bad day"
Single Drunk Female
"that turned into a Class A misdemeanor."
Single Drunk Female
"Otherwise known as reckless assault."
Single Drunk Female
"Yes, but I did a 30‐day rehab program."
Single Drunk Female
"I picked up enough trash on the side of the road"
Single Drunk Female
"to make it all good, you know? I..."
Single Drunk Female
"I did the crime, but I did the time,"
Single Drunk Female
"and I'm not sure why I'm here."
Single Drunk Female
"You're here 'cause someone got you the best deal"
Single Drunk Female
"‐I've ever seen. ‐Well, I think if it was"
Single Drunk Female
"the best deal you'd ever seen, I wouldn't be"
Single Drunk Female
"sitting in your office, I'd be watching"
Single Drunk Female
"every version of Pride and Prejudice ever made."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay."
Single Drunk Female
"So, the State of New York"
Single Drunk Female
"has put under my care,"
Single Drunk Female
"and as part of your probation,"
Single Drunk Female
"um, you'll need to attend meetings every day for 90 days."
Single Drunk Female
"Go ahead and get someone at the meeting"
Single Drunk Female
"to sign that for you, okay?"
Single Drunk Female
"(sighs)"
Single Drunk Female
"Uh, all right. I'm just spitballing here."
Single Drunk Female
"What if I hit three meetings a day for 30 days?"
Single Drunk Female
"Some‐some fast math."
Single Drunk Female
"Feel like I could just get sober real quick."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay. You know what?"
Single Drunk Female
"(sighs)"
Single Drunk Female
"(mutters)"
Single Drunk Female
"♪"
Single Drunk Female
"Hi."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Hi. ‐(chuckles)"
Single Drunk Female
"‐I'm Olivia. ‐Samantha."
Single Drunk Female
"You're new."
Single Drunk Female
"How can you tell?"
Single Drunk Female
"That's easy."
Single Drunk Female
"You're vibrating."
Single Drunk Female
"Oh."
Single Drunk Female
"Who's this?"
Single Drunk Female
"Uh, this is Samantha."
Single Drunk Female
"Samantha, say hi to James."
Single Drunk Female
"Hi, James."
Single Drunk Female
"Hey."
Single Drunk Female
"So, what brings you here today?"
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, uh, public intoxication,"
Single Drunk Female
"destruction of personal property,"
Single Drunk Female
"almost blinding my coworker."
Single Drunk Female
"Being awesome."
Single Drunk Female
"Sounds epic."
Single Drunk Female
"I'm gonna go check in"
Single Drunk Female
"with my harem of sponsees."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Excuse me. ‐Yeah, no, of course."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Great. (clears throat) ‐Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm. Mm."
Single Drunk Female
"All right, yo, so we can keep our thing a secret,"
Single Drunk Female
"unless you want to talk about it,"
Single Drunk Female
"or we can just pretend like it never happened."
Single Drunk Female
"Talk about what?"
Single Drunk Female
"Last Thanksgiving."
Single Drunk Female
"Yikes. You don't remember."
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, no."
Single Drunk Female
"What? There's a lot about the last 12 years I don't remember."
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah, then forget about it."
Single Drunk Female
"Don't even worry... I didn't say anything."
Single Drunk Female
"‐It's fine. ‐Forget about what?"
Single Drunk Female
"Okay."
Single Drunk Female
"Last Thanksgiving, you and I met at Good Time Sally's."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Met? ‐Yeah."
Single Drunk Female
"We met at Good Time Sally's."
Single Drunk Female
"We met once on the bar,"
Single Drunk Female
"and, uh, once in the bathroom."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Oh. ‐Okay, that's enough. ‐Yeah."
Single Drunk Female
"‐Go sit down. ‐Yeah. Nice to meet you, Sam."
Single Drunk Female
"Is that... is that something?"
Single Drunk Female
"You guys gossip a lot for a place"
Single Drunk Female
"that's supposed to be anonymous."
Single Drunk Female
"Um, can you please"
Single Drunk Female
"sign this thing that proves I was here?"
Single Drunk Female
"Not 'till after the meeting, I'm afraid. (chuckles)"
Single Drunk Female
"‐Oh, that's, like, 45 minutes. ‐It's actually longer, 'cause"
Single Drunk Female
"‐I like to schmooze afterwards. ‐Yeah, but I'm not one of them,"
Single Drunk Female
"‐so... ‐No, but if you're ever looking"
Single Drunk Female
"for more than a signature, give me a call."
Single Drunk Female
"This is not something you want to do alone."
Single Drunk Female
"I don't want to do this all."
Single Drunk Female
"♪ Watch your back, watch your back, feel the contact ♪"
Single Drunk Female
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