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Clips from Avenue 5 - Are You a Spider, Matt? (S01E01)

"Legal hat on."
Avenue 5
"-Legal hat off, great trip. -Thank you."
Avenue 5
"Apart from the food flavors. It's a lot of banana."
Avenue 5
"Yeah, that's enough. I will ruin you, Fudd."
Avenue 5
"-Prepare for penury. -JUDD: (WHISPERS) ...small brain..."
Avenue 5
"Enjoying the cruise?"
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"I bet you would love the skating rink!"
Avenue 5
"Iris, give it to me straight. What does this mean?"
Avenue 5
"If Harrison sues, we get no rescue money."
Avenue 5
"So..."
Avenue 5
"Why don't we have Ryan schmooze him at the Captain's Table"
Avenue 5
"-and talk him out of it. -Wait, okay. Wait."
Avenue 5
"What if..."
Avenue 5
"we have Ryan invite Harrison to the Captain's Table"
Avenue 5
"-to schmooze him out of it. -(IRIS SIGHS)"
Avenue 5
"Yep. You fixed it."
Avenue 5
"♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪"
Avenue 5
"So, Doug, do you see the pope out there?"
Avenue 5
"-Or are you on the fence? -I'm on the fence."
Avenue 5
"Hmm. Okay, well, this might focus you a little bit."
Avenue 5
"Five hundred non-essential passengers"
Avenue 5
"are not going to be jettisoned out of the airlock."
Avenue 5
"But, if they were, why are you essential?"
Avenue 5
"Fuck. Yeah, uh..."
Avenue 5
"I can... put a pencil in my teeth"
Avenue 5
"and flick with my finger and play the theme to Rawhide."
Avenue 5
"(CHUCKLING) Isn't it funny what our minds produce"
Avenue 5
"-when we're panicking? -That was just-- No, I--"
Avenue 5
"And I'm also a generous and warm husband."
Avenue 5
"I should've led with that. Shit, can I go back?"
Avenue 5
"MATT: No, we have more people to interview,"
Avenue 5
"but, uh... I loved that. You were great."
Avenue 5
"Get outta here."
Avenue 5
"Oh... Thank god there's not gonna be a cull"
Avenue 5
"'cause it would be bad news for, uh... (CHUCKLES)"
Avenue 5
"Hey, Billie, comms are up."
Avenue 5
"Yeah, I know. Just got the rescue plan."
Avenue 5
"Waiting for messages from my husband and wife."
Avenue 5
"I sent them a "can we try again" plea."
Avenue 5
"Huh. Cool. Okay, so the plan."
Avenue 5
"Firstly, Mission Control are gonna send up a huge docking station."
Avenue 5
"-Oh... -What?"
Avenue 5
"Looks like the messages I sent them didn't go."
Avenue 5
"-Oh, titting Jupiter. -Oh."
Avenue 5
"I'm-- sorry about that. Um... So, the plan?"
Avenue 5
"What is this?"
Avenue 5
"BILLIE: This is, uh... a kind of floating airport terminal"
Avenue 5
"which they send into deep space."
Avenue 5
"We dock, everybody gets in 500 shuttles,"
Avenue 5
"and we evac in a 48-hour window."
Avenue 5
"Hmm. And go home."
Avenue 5
"Can you remind me why I'd wanna go there?"
Avenue 5
"Right, well, there's-- there's a little bit more."
Avenue 5
"Um... So, maybe you should sit down."
Avenue 5
"-Hmm, here we go. -(CLEARS THROAT)"
Avenue 5
"You remember, at the launch ceremony,"
Avenue 5
"that Joe paired your handprint with the emergency console."
Avenue 5
"And he secretly paired his own."
Avenue 5
"But they are now in a coffin with the rest of his corpse,"
Avenue 5
"leaving us with only one set of hands that can now do..."
Avenue 5
"♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪"
Avenue 5
"...that."
Avenue 5
"What? You--"
Avenue 5
"(STAMMERS) You mean you want me to dock the ship? Me?"
Avenue 5
"-And you can. You can learn. -But--"
Avenue 5
"Because we have three and half years."
Avenue 5
"Is that enough time?"
Avenue 5
"Well, it usually does take five."
Avenue 5
"-Five years? -Mm-hmm."
Avenue 5
"Right, well, you see, I noticed a difference"
Avenue 5
"between those two numbers."
Avenue 5
"But there are some extremely gifted candidates"
Avenue 5
"that can do it in four."
Avenue 5
"And these extremely gifted candidates,"
Avenue 5
"are they guys in their late 50s"
Avenue 5
"who can barely steer piss into a toilet bowl?"
Avenue 5
"You can do this."
Avenue 5
"I can do this?"
Avenue 5
"You can."
Avenue 5
"-I can do it. -Absolutely."
Avenue 5
"You really think I can do it?"
Avenue 5
"No, you can't do it. Who am I kidding?"
Avenue 5
"Well, you just said that I could do it!"
Avenue 5
"Yes, I know, but I was trying to just boost your confidence."
Avenue 5
"For three seconds."
Avenue 5
"That's all I can muster, I'm really sorry."
Avenue 5
"-Well, muster more. -Okay, look, Ryan..."
Avenue 5
"You can do this because, quite frankly, you have to."
Avenue 5
"-But I can't. -But you will."
Avenue 5
"-I will? -You will."
Avenue 5
"Now, say it like you mean it."
Avenue 5
"I don't mean it. Neither do you."
Avenue 5
"Well, can't you just pretend?"
Avenue 5
"Yeah. I can do this."
Avenue 5
"-(DOOR OPENS) -Captain Ryan?"
Avenue 5
"(AMERICAN ACCENT) You-- I'm sorry, you're, uh-- You're in the wrong place."
Avenue 5
"The ice rink is on the next level."
Avenue 5
"Oh, no, no, no. It's you that I'm looking for."
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"I need to serve you with a notice"
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"for divorce proceedings. (CHUCKLES)"
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"It's quite a working vacation for me."
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"Yeah, I gotta get back to the rink. (CHUCKLES)"
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) By rights, this should be the worst moment of my life."
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"But now, I have to go up and host the Captain's Table"
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"and smile and be charming."
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"So... that can be the worst moment of my life."
Avenue 5
"-You can do--! -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Avenue 5
"RAV MULCAIR: Alan, I need the plans"
Avenue 5
"for the emergency supply shuttle."
Avenue 5
"Yes."
Avenue 5
"We've just time with a one-hour window for a shuttle"
Avenue 5
"to bring medical supplies and food flavorings--"
Avenue 5
"PROTESTERS: (CHANTING) Fuck you, Rav! Fuck you, Rav!"
Avenue 5
"-Fuck you, Rav! Fuck you, Rav! -Fuck you, Rav! Fuck you, Rav!"
Avenue 5
"(CHANTING CONTINUES)"
Avenue 5
"(SIGHS, COUGHS)"
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"We need Judd here. He's the problem. Not me."
Avenue 5
"His face is a giant blast shield,"
Avenue 5
"and I intend on cowering behind it."
Avenue 5
"How?"
Avenue 5
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