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Clips from Avenue 5 - Are You a Spider, Matt? (S01E01)

"We bring him back on the supply shuttle."
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"A lost wallet was found on level six,"
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"but money is essentially useless up here,"
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"so we're-- we're probably just gonna throw it out."
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"(MIA GIGGLES)"
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"RYAN: (AMERICAN ACCENT) He's here, he's hungry..."
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"-...he's in the third person. -(LAUGHTER)"
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"Putting the "captain" into "Captain's Table,""
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"-and-- and "stable," actually. -BARBARA: Yes, that's true."
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"RYAN: Wow. I think for the first time ever,"
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"we have some no-shows."
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"Uh, best seats in the house! You guys..."
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"you guys wanna fight over it?"
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"No, I'm good over here."
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"Having dinner with my father-- Don't know why I said that."
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"Oh, hey, Billie. You wanna join us?"
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"Oh, uh... I would love to, but... No, I wouldn't."
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"-JORDAN: Hey! -RYAN: All right, well..."
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"All the people I wanna be with... right here."
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"-MIA: Aww. -RYAN: Right?"
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"(LOUDLY) Best table on board!"
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"The real hot ticket is the fecal pope."
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"It's The Shrining. That's why this place is so empty."
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"Ryan, when are you gonna clear"
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"these gawping cockroaches from my corridor?"
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"It's at the top of my agenda."
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"It's actually above the word "agenda.""
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"-(LAUGHTER) -Thank you. (FORCED CHUCKLE)"
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"What's, like, your best joke?"
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"Uh, that's subjective, really."
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"'Cause that's like asking you"
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"uh... what's your favorite part of the engine."
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"-Belkron filter. -Sure."
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"MADS: This is nice. For once, I'm not thinking about"
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"-being stuck up here for years. -Hmm."
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"Although, now I am."
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"Surrounded in shit."
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"How do they say that in Swedish?"
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"Uh... (SPEAKS SWEDISH)"
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"MIA: Oh, it's a beautiful language."
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"Mike, how's the fish?"
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"Mm. Yeah, it's good."
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"Great. And the tomatoes?"
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"The tomatoes are very good. Very good."
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"-Don't eat with your mouth full. -RYAN: Harrison."
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"How are your tomatoes?"
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"Well, they're tomatoes. What can you say about tomatoes?"
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"MIKE: Well, I said they were good."
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"BARBARA: Yeah, Mike said they were good."
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"Great, we get action replay."
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"(CHUCKLES) That's... I like that."
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"Wow, Captain's Table is really, uh, killing it"
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"on the conversation front."
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"Tomatoes. I can't wait to hear your opinion on the sweet corn."
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"Ooh, the muscly toddler is giving us a challenge!"
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"Be more interesting, Captain."
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"(WHISPERING) What's happening over there?"
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"I think Ryan is boring him to death."
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"(SIGHS) Boring is bad."
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"But to death... To death is good."
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"Great news. I just got out of a sexless marriage."
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"Dry as a desert."
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"Now I'm living on a flood plain"
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"with the hottest man in the galaxy."
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"She's-- She's referring to my attractiveness"
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"-and not my temperature. -No, they know."
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"(BILLIE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)"
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"That's fun-- (LAUGHS)"
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"I don't get a lot of comedy,"
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"but it's-- it's tragedy plus time, right?"
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"Yeah. But, you know..."
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"how much time is enough time?"
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"(STILTED) I don't know. How much time is enough time?"
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"There's no punchline to that one."
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"(LAUGHING)"
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"So, Mike, Barbara, tell us about yourselves."
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"Do you have kids?"
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"We-- We have a son, and it's-- it's real hard"
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"being away from him for so long."
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"Aw, he must be missing you."
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"He's in a coma."
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"-What? -The fuck?"
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"Comas are all in the mind. Did you know that?"
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"You can literally bring yourself out of one."
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"-Mm... -You left your son in a coma..."
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"to come on holiday?"
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"We didn't induce the coma. He hit the curb..."
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"MIA: Oh, god."
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"-(SIGHS) He was skateboard. -Skateboarding."
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"Oh, that's cool."
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"-MIKE: Yeah. -What?"
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"He's been in a coma for 18 months."
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"We thought we'd only be here for eight weeks. (CHUCKLES)"
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"Are you fucking serious?"
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"Well, that's disrespectful."
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"Yeah, well, you're the ones drinking Mai Tai"
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"while your son's tubed up like a potato clock."
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"When I was younger, I used to wonder"
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"what it would be like to have a son,"
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"and then, suddenly, one day, I realized I am a son."
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"Fuck's sake. "Captain's Table.""
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"It's got a captain and a table! And that's it."
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"And as for this food, I can't touch this taste-free guano!"
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Right! That's it! I am fucking done!"
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"I'm done!"
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"Fuck it! There are jauntier dinners on death row,"
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"and god forbid that anybody should actually ask"
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"-how I'm doing! -How are you doing?"
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"And you know what else is in a coma? My marriage."
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"And I've just heard that they're gonna switch off life support."
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"(ALL GASP)"
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"Thank you and good night."
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"Are we fully certain he understood the term "schmooze?""
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"Do you wanna go, uh, check out an old pope's face"
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"in some excrement?"
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"He pushed the table forward and he went backwards."
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"Sure. I mean, you like a guy who disrespects furniture,"
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"-I can do that. -Opposite and equal."
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"So, if we jettison some stuff, we could push forward,"
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"past the ring-- Oh!"
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