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Clips from Avenue 5 - Are You a Spider, Matt? (S01E01)

"...is teeming with tenth-class passengers"
Avenue 5
"-bleating about a dead pope? -Well?"
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"Now, when are comms back on?"
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"-Oh, you mean now? -JUDD: (QUIETLY) Well..."
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"I'm gonna need some information. Who-- Who is this guy?"
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"IRIS: Harrison Ames is an awful and awfully litigious man"
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"with more trillions than you have nostrils."
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"Three. He has three trillion."
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"-HARRISON: Because you're costing me money, you hairball. -Okay."
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"(AMERICAN ACCENT) Mr. Harrison Ames!"
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"Captain Ryan Clark."
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"HARRISON: Well, that's quite a grip you got there, Captain."
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"Well, I treat handshakes the way I treat my job."
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"I like pressure."
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"Oh, yes. Well, pressure... creates diamonds."
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"Then consider this a 25-carat shake."
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"-I like it. I like that. -I-- I also have manly hands."
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"-Correct, Iris? -Absolutely. Like shovels."
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"Tell him about my firm grip. Did you guys hear about my grip?"
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"-What? -(WEAKLY) My... firm grip."
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"First of all, Mr. Ames, what I want to say"
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"is that that nonsense in the hallway is unacceptable."
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"And that stops right now."
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"That is impressive. You see this, Fudd?"
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"-Judd. -This, Fudd,"
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"-is what power looks like. -Judd."
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"-Tell me, Captain, do you golf? -Do I--"
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"Does the pope shit in the woods?"
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"--I don't know. -Well, according to these guys,"
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"he probably does."
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"(LAUGHTER)"
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"-I'm playing this bozo on the VR golf range. -Okay."
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"Why don't you join us for a few cheeky holes?"
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"You know, my VR golf is very cool."
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"You can tee off as young Judy Garland,"
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"and then sink your last putt"
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"-as old, drunk Judy Garland. -IRIS: Mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm."
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"Not that I have done that. I would-- I don't do that."
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"He's totally done that,"
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"and I think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard."
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"And I've heard whalesong."
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"See you on the virtual green, Fudd."
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"Not if I see you first, Farrison."
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"-Oh, Jesus. -Oh, Fesus."
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"We have great banter."
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"-HARRISON: No, we don't, you fucker! -See?"
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"ALAN: We found a short window for a supply shuttle,"
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"and communications to Avenue 5 should be restored in ten."
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"Oh, goody, goody, gum disease."
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"Last ten minutes with no Judd."
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"Oh, and I've wasted some of it saying this."
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"Just a quick heads-up."
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"There are some pretty gnarly protesters outside."
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"Just in case you hear any effin' and jeffin'."
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"Protesters? What are they, anti-jet propulsion?"
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"-No, anti-you. -Me?"
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"-(PROTESTORS CLAMORING) -FEMALE REPORTER: Queen of Death Rav Mulcair"
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"orders the murder of 500 Avenue 5 innocents."
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"This should all be on Judd. He's in charge."
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"I was just following--"
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"Yes, yes, I know, but sometimes that is what people should do."
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"I suppose you are Head of Mission Control."
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"And I guess what, you know, they're saying..."
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"is that you're not."
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"In control. Of the mission."
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"Alan, could you possibly find me some coordinates"
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"as far away from Earth as possible?"
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"(WHISPERS) Fuck off there!"
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"MATT: Are you into spiritual epiphany and poop?"
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"Then come down to deck five. It's like Woodstock down there."
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"But Catholic."
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"KAREN KELLY: Hey, honey."
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"Wow, this is, uh--"
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"Have you come to take a look at the Pope?"
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"Some people can't see it. But good-- good people can."
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"And then, right below that, the nostrils, you look at"
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"where, like, the almost similar sized holes are."
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"KAREN: Honey..."
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"(SIGHS) Honey, are you sure this is a good idea? You look tired."
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"-No, I'm fine. I'm-- I'm happy. -No."
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"I know what makes my Frankie happy."
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"A little light jazz, maybe a nice box of raisins."
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"Yeah, you have your thing. Why can't I have my thing?"
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"Because my thing is trying to get us all home alive,"
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"and your thing is proclaiming toilet miracles hither and yon."
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"Hey! Don't belittle it."
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"I am not belittling it, honey."
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"It just is little!"
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"No, it's not."
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"Hey John, did the pope heal your anxiety?"
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"Yeah! I took a Xanax and I prayed right here,"
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"and then, the Xanax totally worked."
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"Yes, you see?"
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"-Sweetie-- -Shh."
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"I can't listen to you now."
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"I have to go help some people who are looking at the pope"
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"in the wrong direction. I have to..."
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"HERMAN JUDD: Golf. Yeah... The sport of kings."
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"IRIS KIMURA: Uh, I think that's horse racing."
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"RYAN: Who's this little guy?"
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"Some physical manifestation of Judd's ego?"
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"IRIS: It's Iris."
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"RYAN: That's what I said. Boom!"
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"HARRISON: (LAUGHING) Very good."
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"I didn't think Judy Garland could get more tragic."
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"JUDD: Trust me, I can get a lot more tragic if I--"
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"-(SCUTTLING NOISE) -MATT: Hey, guys."
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"Comms are about to come back on."
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"JUDD: Ah, thank fuck."
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"RYAN: Are-- What are you? Are you a spider, Matt?"
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"MATT: Well, I admire their industry,"
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"and the fact that they play the long game."
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"(CHUCKLING) Hey, look at my abdominal ganglion!"
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"But there you go,"
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"messages from the past eight days coming through now."
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"-(PHONE PINGS) -JUDD: (AUTOMATED VOICE) You got a message!"
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"HARRISON: About bloody time."
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"MATT: Oh my god! Tobey Maguire died."
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"Throat slit in a prison shower."
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"Well, off I scuttle."
Avenue 5
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