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Clips from Cheers - Norman's Conquest (S02E02)

OH, YEAH. NORM'S DAME.

"OH, YEAH. NORM'S DAME."

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OF COURSE HE ISN'T HERE.

"OF COURSE HE ISN'T HERE."

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I THOUGHT HE WAS PITCHING WOO WITH YOU.

"I THOUGHT HE WAS PITCHING WOO WITH YOU."

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YOU'RE KIDDING.

"YOU'RE KIDDING."

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OH, MAN. IT FIGURES.

"OH, MAN. IT FIGURES."

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WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

"WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?"

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YEAH, YEAH. I'LL TELL HIM TO CALL YOU.

"YEAH, YEAH. I'LL TELL HIM TO CALL YOU."

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WHAT?

"WHAT?"

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YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN."

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NORM CHICKENED OUT.

"NORM CHICKENED OUT."

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AW, COME ON.

"AW, COME ON."

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WHAT HAPPENED?

"WHAT HAPPENED?"

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HE DROPPED HER OFF AT HER APARTMENT

"HE DROPPED HER OFF AT HER APARTMENT"

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AND WENT TO PARK THE CAR.

"AND WENT TO PARK THE CAR."

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THAT WAS 2 HOURS AGO, AND SHE HASN'T SEEN HIM SINCE.

"THAT WAS 2 HOURS AGO, AND SHE HASN'T SEEN HIM SINCE."

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IF HE HAS ANY PRIDE, HE'S KILLED HIMSELF.

"IF HE HAS ANY PRIDE, HE'S KILLED HIMSELF."

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CARLA, HE JUST CAME TO HIS SENSES.

"CARLA, HE JUST CAME TO HIS SENSES."

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HE CAME TO HIS KNEES.

"HE CAME TO HIS KNEES."

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HE DID THE DECENT, HONORABLE, AND MORAL THING.

"HE DID THE DECENT, HONORABLE, AND MORAL THING."

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YEAH, AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE HIM PAY FOR IT THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

"YEAH, AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE HIM PAY FOR IT THE REST OF HIS LIFE."

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OK, QUIET EVERYBODY. HERE HE COMES.

"OK, QUIET EVERYBODY. HERE HE COMES."

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NOW JUST ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

"NOW JUST ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING."

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YEAH, AND SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU BOYS CAN HANDLE THAT.

"YEAH, AND SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU BOYS CAN HANDLE THAT."

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WHEW! SHE'S AN ANIMAL.

"WHEW! SHE'S AN ANIMAL."

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GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY.

"GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY."

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All: HI, NORM!

"All: HI, NORM!"

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WHEW.

"WHEW."

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I'M SPENT.

"I'M SPENT."

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GIVE ME A BEER, COACH.

"GIVE ME A BEER, COACH."

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SHE, UH, SHE COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOU, HUH, NORM?

"SHE, UH, SHE COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOU, HUH, NORM?"

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CLIFFY, I HAD TO CLIMB OUT THE FIRE ESCAPE.

"CLIFFY, I HAD TO CLIMB OUT THE FIRE ESCAPE."

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YOU GOTTA GIVE US ALL THE DETAILS, NORM, AND I MEAN DETAILS.

"YOU GOTTA GIVE US ALL THE DETAILS, NORM, AND I MEAN DETAILS."

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ALL RIGHT, BUT, UH...

"ALL RIGHT, BUT, UH..."

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IS EVERYBODY OVER 21 HERE?

"IS EVERYBODY OVER 21 HERE?"

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NORMAN, DON'T DO THIS.

"NORMAN, DON'T DO THIS."

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SHUT UP AND LET THE MAN TALK.

"SHUT UP AND LET THE MAN TALK."

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Patron: SO, COME ON, NORMIE. GIVE.

"Patron: SO, COME ON, NORMIE. GIVE."

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WELL, I THINK THIS JUST ABOUT SAYS IT ALL...

"WELL, I THINK THIS JUST ABOUT SAYS IT ALL..."

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WHOA, NOW! MAJOR HICKEY!

"WHOA, NOW! MAJOR HICKEY!"

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THAT'S THE ONLY ONE I CAN SHOW YOU IN MIXED COMPANY, CLIFFY.

"THAT'S THE ONLY ONE I CAN SHOW YOU IN MIXED COMPANY, CLIFFY."

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NORM,

"NORM,"

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I'D HATE TO SEE YOU MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF,

"I'D HATE TO SEE YOU MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF,"

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BUT EMILY CALLED.

"BUT EMILY CALLED."

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SHE WANTS MORE?

"SHE WANTS MORE?"

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YOU KNOW, THAT WOMAN IS INSATIABLE.

"YOU KNOW, THAT WOMAN IS INSATIABLE."

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SHE WANTED TO KNOW WHERE YOU WERE.

"SHE WANTED TO KNOW WHERE YOU WERE."

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SHE SAID YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP.

"SHE SAID YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP."

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AND EVERYBODY HERE KNOWS IT.

"AND EVERYBODY HERE KNOWS IT."

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OF COURSE.

"OF COURSE."

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WHAT DO YOU EXPECT HER TO DO, BRAG ABOUT IT?

"WHAT DO YOU EXPECT HER TO DO, BRAG ABOUT IT?"

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I MEAN, ONLY A CRASS LOWLIFE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

"I MEAN, ONLY A CRASS LOWLIFE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT."

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LET'S YOU AND ME GO BACK AND TALK IN THE POOL ROOM.

"LET'S YOU AND ME GO BACK AND TALK IN THE POOL ROOM."

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SURE. BIG GUY WANTS SOME POINTERS NOW.

"SURE. BIG GUY WANTS SOME POINTERS NOW."

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SURE, SAMMY. I'LL FILL YOU IN.

"SURE, SAMMY. I'LL FILL YOU IN."

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WHAT A PATHETIC DISPLAY.

"WHAT A PATHETIC DISPLAY."

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I'M ASHAMED GOD MADE ME A MAN.

"I'M ASHAMED GOD MADE ME A MAN."

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I DON'T THINK GOD'S DOING

"I DON'T THINK GOD'S DOING"

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A LOT OF BRAGGING ABOUT IT, EITHER.

"A LOT OF BRAGGING ABOUT IT, EITHER."

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I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO GO IN, SAM.

"I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO GO IN, SAM."

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I'VE BEEN SITTING OUT IN THE CAR FOR THE LAST 2 HOURS.

"I'VE BEEN SITTING OUT IN THE CAR FOR THE LAST 2 HOURS."

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WHAT ABOUT YOUR HICKEY?

"WHAT ABOUT YOUR HICKEY?"

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I GOT ONE OF THOSE LITTLE VACUUM CLEANERS

"I GOT ONE OF THOSE LITTLE VACUUM CLEANERS"

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IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

"IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT."

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SUCH A COWARD!

"SUCH A COWARD!"

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OH, COME ON, NORM.

"OH, COME ON, NORM."

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YEAH, BUT...

"YEAH, BUT..."

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MEANINGLESS AFFAIRS AREN'T ALL THEY'RE CRACKED UP TO BE.

"MEANINGLESS AFFAIRS AREN'T ALL THEY'RE CRACKED UP TO BE."

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I'VE HAD LOTS OF THEM. DO YOU THINK THAT MADE ME HAPPY?

"I'VE HAD LOTS OF THEM. DO YOU THINK THAT MADE ME HAPPY?"

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ECSTATIC.

"ECSTATIC."

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YEAH, BUT THAT'S ME, NORM.

"YEAH, BUT THAT'S ME, NORM."

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YOU'RE A--YOU'RE A DIFFERENT KIND OF MAN.

"YOU'RE A--YOU'RE A DIFFERENT KIND OF MAN."

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YOU'RE TELLING ME.

"YOU'RE TELLING ME."

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SAMMY? YEAH?

"SAMMY? YEAH?"

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CAN I MAKE A CONFESSION TO YOU RIGHT NOW?

"CAN I MAKE A CONFESSION TO YOU RIGHT NOW?"

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OH, PLEASE DON'T. I--I GOT...

"OH, PLEASE DON'T. I--I GOT..."

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I LOVE MY WIFE.

"I LOVE MY WIFE."

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WELL, AT LEAST THAT'S NOT AS BAD

"WELL, AT LEAST THAT'S NOT AS BAD"

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AS I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE.

"AS I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE."

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YEAH, WELL, JUST WAIT A SECOND. IT GETS WORSE.

"YEAH, WELL, JUST WAIT A SECOND. IT GETS WORSE."

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OH, GOD.

"OH, GOD."

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VERA IS THE ONLY WOMAN I'VE EVER HAD.

"VERA IS THE ONLY WOMAN I'VE EVER HAD."

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NOW, AHEM, NOW, WHEN YOU SAY, "HAD," YOU MEAN--

"NOW, AHEM, NOW, WHEN YOU SAY, "HAD," YOU MEAN--"

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YES.

"YES."

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OH, COME ON. HA HA! COME ON, MAN. BE SERIOUS.

"OH, COME ON. HA HA! COME ON, MAN. BE SERIOUS."

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I AM.

"I AM."

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WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? WHAT'S WRONG...

"WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? WHAT'S WRONG..."

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I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN WANT OTHER WOMEN, SAM.

"I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN WANT OTHER WOMEN, SAM."

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ALL RIGHT, DON'T GET ME WRONG. I GET URGES, OK?

"ALL RIGHT, DON'T GET ME WRONG. I GET URGES, OK?"

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IF I ACTED ON THOSE URGES,

"IF I ACTED ON THOSE URGES,"

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I'D BE NO BETTER THAN A RUTTING PIG.

"I'D BE NO BETTER THAN A RUTTING PIG."

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A HAPPY, SINGING, DANCING, RUTTING PIG.

"A HAPPY, SINGING, DANCING, RUTTING PIG."

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WELL, I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS ALL WAS ABOUT,

"WELL, I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS ALL WAS ABOUT,"

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I MEAN, YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE YOU'RE CONFESSING A CRIME HERE.

"I MEAN, YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE YOU'RE CONFESSING A CRIME HERE."

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COME ON, SAM. PEOPLE DON'T GO BRAGGING AROUND

"COME ON, SAM. PEOPLE DON'T GO BRAGGING AROUND"

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HOW THEY LOVE THEIR WIVES.

"HOW THEY LOVE THEIR WIVES."

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WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW A BUNCH OF GUYS

"WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW A BUNCH OF GUYS"

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SITTING AROUND A BAR, SLAMMING BEERS,

"SITTING AROUND A BAR, SLAMMING BEERS,"

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EXCHANGING GREAT TALES OF MARITAL BLISS, HUH?

"EXCHANGING GREAT TALES OF MARITAL BLISS, HUH?"

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SO, THOSE JOKES ABOUT VERA...

"SO, THOSE JOKES ABOUT VERA..."

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A BUNCH OF BALONEY, HUH?

"A BUNCH OF BALONEY, HUH?"

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I MEAN, YOU--YOU REALLY LOVE HER, HUH?

"I MEAN, YOU--YOU REALLY LOVE HER, HUH?"

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OF COURSE I DO.

"OF COURSE I DO."

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MOST OF THEM AREN'T EVEN TRUE, YOU KNOW,

"MOST OF THEM AREN'T EVEN TRUE, YOU KNOW,"

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LIKE THAT ONE ABOUT THE TENTACLES? YEAH?

"LIKE THAT ONE ABOUT THE TENTACLES? YEAH?"

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WELL, I CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR MYSELF HERE,

"WELL, I CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR MYSELF HERE,"

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BUT I THINK THAT'S WONDERFUL.

"BUT I THINK THAT'S WONDERFUL."

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UNDERARM.

"UNDERARM."

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YEAH, YOU KNOW, YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE ME, BUT I...

"YEAH, YOU KNOW, YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE ME, BUT I..."

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I ENVY YOU.

"I ENVY YOU."

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YOU ENVY ME? YEAH, I DO.

"YOU ENVY ME? YEAH, I DO."

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I USED TO THINK THAT THE MORE WOMEN I CONQUERED,

"I USED TO THINK THAT THE MORE WOMEN I CONQUERED,"

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THE MORE IT'D MAKE ME A MAN.

"THE MORE IT'D MAKE ME A MAN."

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BUT NOW I GUESS...

"BUT NOW I GUESS..."

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I'M JUST LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT ONE.

"I'M JUST LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT ONE."

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AND NOW YOU'VE FOUND DIANE.

"AND NOW YOU'VE FOUND DIANE."

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THAT'S RIGHT.

"THAT'S RIGHT."

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BOY, WHEN THEY MADE HER, THEY BROKE THE MOLD.

"BOY, WHEN THEY MADE HER, THEY BROKE THE MOLD."

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THEY TRIED TO PRETEND LIKE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

"THEY TRIED TO PRETEND LIKE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT."

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HA HA HA HA HA!

"HA HA HA HA HA!"

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SEE...THERE, YOU'RE DOING IT.

"SEE...THERE, YOU'RE DOING IT."

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