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Clips from Cheers - Norman's Conquest (S02E02)

HEY, NORM. YOU'RE-- YOU'RE HER NEW ACCOUNTANT.

"HEY, NORM. YOU'RE-- YOU'RE HER NEW ACCOUNTANT."

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HAVE, UH, HAVE YOU GONE OVER HER FIGURE? [LAUGHS]

"HAVE, UH, HAVE YOU GONE OVER HER FIGURE? [LAUGHS]"

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DOES SHE HAVE SIZEABLE ASSETS?

"DOES SHE HAVE SIZEABLE ASSETS?"

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YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. IS SHE, UH, SHOWIN' YOU

"YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. IS SHE, UH, SHOWIN' YOU"

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A COUPLE OF CAPITAL GAINS

"A COUPLE OF CAPITAL GAINS"

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THAT MAKE YOU LIQUIDATE IN YOUR HOLDINGS?

"THAT MAKE YOU LIQUIDATE IN YOUR HOLDINGS?"

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[ALL LAUGH] ALL RIGHT.

"[ALL LAUGH] ALL RIGHT."

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IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO BE WITTY HERE,

"IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO BE WITTY HERE,"

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BUT, UH, YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW?

"BUT, UH, YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW?"

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SHE'S, UH, JUST A VERY NICE LADY,

"SHE'S, UH, JUST A VERY NICE LADY,"

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AND SHE JUST WANTED TO BRING ME IN HERE

"AND SHE JUST WANTED TO BRING ME IN HERE"

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TO SHOW ME A LITTLE APPRECIATION.

"TO SHOW ME A LITTLE APPRECIATION."

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THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, NORM.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, NORM."

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HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THOSE SUBTLE LITTLE LOOKS SHE'S BEEN SHOOTING AT YOU?

"HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THOSE SUBTLE LITTLE LOOKS SHE'S BEEN SHOOTING AT YOU?"

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

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LIKE YOU'RE A JUICY STEAK SOON TO BE SIZZLING ON HER GRILL.

"LIKE YOU'RE A JUICY STEAK SOON TO BE SIZZLING ON HER GRILL."

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SHH!

"SHH!"

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WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SIT, NORM?

"WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SIT, NORM?"

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OH, THAT TABLE RIGHT THERE IS FINE.

"OH, THAT TABLE RIGHT THERE IS FINE."

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WHAT CAN I GET YOU TO DRINK?

"WHAT CAN I GET YOU TO DRINK?"

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OH, I'M SURE WHATEVER YOU HAVE

"OH, I'M SURE WHATEVER YOU HAVE"

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WILL BE FINE WITH ME, NORM.

"WILL BE FINE WITH ME, NORM."

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OH!

"OH!"

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OH, COME ON.

"OH, COME ON."

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DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

"DON'T BE RIDICULOUS."

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I DON'T KNOW.

"I DON'T KNOW."

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LET'S JUST SUBMIT THIS TO OUR RESIDENT EXPERT ON WOMEN-OLOGY.

"LET'S JUST SUBMIT THIS TO OUR RESIDENT EXPERT ON WOMEN-OLOGY."

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WELL, I DON'T USUALLY THINK OF MYSELF THAT WAY.

"WELL, I DON'T USUALLY THINK OF MYSELF THAT WAY."

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I'D BE HAPPY TO SHARE ANY THOUGHTS I HAVE WITH YOU.

"I'D BE HAPPY TO SHARE ANY THOUGHTS I HAVE WITH YOU."

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SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, SAM?

"SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, SAM?"

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I THINK SHE'S SCOUTING NEW TERRITORY.

"I THINK SHE'S SCOUTING NEW TERRITORY."

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NORMAN, IGNORE THESE BLATHERSKITES.

"NORMAN, IGNORE THESE BLATHERSKITES."

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THEY'RE JUST HAVING FUN AT YOUR EXPENSE.

"THEY'RE JUST HAVING FUN AT YOUR EXPENSE."

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SHE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, NORMIE.

"SHE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, NORMIE."

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THE EMPTINESS OF THEIR LIVES

"THE EMPTINESS OF THEIR LIVES"

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CAUSES THEM TO CAST ASPERSIONS ON YOUR OWN.

"CAUSES THEM TO CAST ASPERSIONS ON YOUR OWN."

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YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, COACH.

"YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, COACH."

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NO, I CAN'T, DIANE.

"NO, I CAN'T, DIANE."

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Norm: I HAPPEN TO KNOW THESE GUYS ARE JOKING.

"Norm: I HAPPEN TO KNOW THESE GUYS ARE JOKING."

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THEY KNOW AS WELL AS YOU DO

"THEY KNOW AS WELL AS YOU DO"

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THAT IF ANYTHING DID HAPPEN,

"THAT IF ANYTHING DID HAPPEN,"

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IT WOULD INJURE IRREPARABLY

"IT WOULD INJURE IRREPARABLY"

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THE SPECIAL ONE YOU LOVE.

"THE SPECIAL ONE YOU LOVE."

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AW, COME ON, DIANE. I'D GET OVER IT IN A COUPLE WEEKS.

"AW, COME ON, DIANE. I'D GET OVER IT IN A COUPLE WEEKS."

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LOOK AT THE WAY SHE'S LOOKING AT YOU, NORM.

"LOOK AT THE WAY SHE'S LOOKING AT YOU, NORM."

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SHE IS HOT FOR YOUR BOD.

"SHE IS HOT FOR YOUR BOD."

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HERE YOU GO.

"HERE YOU GO."

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THERE YOU ARE.

"THERE YOU ARE."

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I'VE BEEN GETTING LONELY.

"I'VE BEEN GETTING LONELY."

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WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME JUST FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE?

"WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME JUST FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE?"

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YOU'RE RIGHT. THE WOMAN'S A SHE-DEVIL.

"YOU'RE RIGHT. THE WOMAN'S A SHE-DEVIL."

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WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

"WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT?"

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WELL, THE COURSE IS CLEAR, NORM.

"WELL, THE COURSE IS CLEAR, NORM."

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YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP TALL,

"YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP TALL,"

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ACT LIKE THE MAN YOU ARE,

"ACT LIKE THE MAN YOU ARE,"

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AND SUBMIT TO HER EVERY DEMAND.

"AND SUBMIT TO HER EVERY DEMAND."

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THANK YOU, CLIFF.

"THANK YOU, CLIFF."

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NOW CAN I HAVE AN OPINION FROM SOMEONE

"NOW CAN I HAVE AN OPINION FROM SOMEONE"

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WHO'S HAD A DATE THIS CENTURY?

"WHO'S HAD A DATE THIS CENTURY?"

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NORM, YOU TOLD HER YOU WERE MARRIED, RIGHT?

"NORM, YOU TOLD HER YOU WERE MARRIED, RIGHT?"

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OF COURSE. SHE KNOWS ABOUT VERA.

"OF COURSE. SHE KNOWS ABOUT VERA."

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I MENTIONED HER AT LEAST A COUPLE OF TIMES.

"I MENTIONED HER AT LEAST A COUPLE OF TIMES."

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MY WEDDING RING'S RIGHT OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE--

"MY WEDDING RING'S RIGHT OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE--"

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THAT PAWNSHOP ON BOYLSTON STREET.

"THAT PAWNSHOP ON BOYLSTON STREET."

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YOU SEE, NORMAN? YOU SEE?

"YOU SEE, NORMAN? YOU SEE?"

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YOU'RE ALWAYS MAKING THESE CRASS,

"YOU'RE ALWAYS MAKING THESE CRASS,"

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ADOLESCENT JOKES ABOUT VERA,

"ADOLESCENT JOKES ABOUT VERA,"

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AND NOW IT'S GETTING YOU INTO TROUBLE.

"AND NOW IT'S GETTING YOU INTO TROUBLE."

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THIS WOMAN PROBABLY TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY,

"THIS WOMAN PROBABLY TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY,"

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AND NOW SHE THINKS THAT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR WIFE.

"AND NOW SHE THINKS THAT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR WIFE."

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DON'T LISTEN TO HER, NORM.

"DON'T LISTEN TO HER, NORM."

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HOW MANY CHANCES DO YOU GET? GO FOR IT.

"HOW MANY CHANCES DO YOU GET? GO FOR IT."

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Patron: BE A MAN, NORM.

"Patron: BE A MAN, NORM."

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YOU PEOPLE ARE RECOMMENDING

"YOU PEOPLE ARE RECOMMENDING"

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THAT NORMAN COMMIT ADULTERY.

"THAT NORMAN COMMIT ADULTERY."

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IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, STICK.

"IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, STICK."

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THAT'S THE WAY LIFE IS.

"THAT'S THE WAY LIFE IS."

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I'M TELLING YOU, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DYNASTY AND THE REAL WORLD

"I'M TELLING YOU, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DYNASTY AND THE REAL WORLD"

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IS THEY GOT BETTER HAIRCUTS.

"IS THEY GOT BETTER HAIRCUTS."

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WHAT DO YOU THINK, SAM?

"WHAT DO YOU THINK, SAM?"

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NORM, I THINK IT'S STUPID TO JUMP INTO BED

"NORM, I THINK IT'S STUPID TO JUMP INTO BED"

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WITH SOMEBODY YOU'RE WORKING WITH.

"WITH SOMEBODY YOU'RE WORKING WITH."

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UNH!

"UNH!"

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I--I DIDN'T MEAN STUPID IN THE UNINTELLIGENT SENSE.

"I--I DIDN'T MEAN STUPID IN THE UNINTELLIGENT SENSE."

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DON'T MIND SAM. HE'S A LITTLE DEPRESSED.

"DON'T MIND SAM. HE'S A LITTLE DEPRESSED."

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THIS IS THE YEAR HIS AGE CAUGHT UP WITH HIS I.Q.

"THIS IS THE YEAR HIS AGE CAUGHT UP WITH HIS I.Q."

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THAT'S YEARS AWAY.

"THAT'S YEARS AWAY."

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NORM, NORM, NORM.

"NORM, NORM, NORM."

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LOOK, LOOK...

"LOOK, LOOK..."

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YOU FIND HER ATTRACTIVE?

"YOU FIND HER ATTRACTIVE?"

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OF COURSE. SHE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE.

"OF COURSE. SHE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE."

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YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF IT WAS ME SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO?

"YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF IT WAS ME SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO?"

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I WOULDN'T BE WASTING TIME

"I WOULDN'T BE WASTING TIME"

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HANGING AROUND SOME BAR TALKING TO A BUNCH OF JERKS.

"HANGING AROUND SOME BAR TALKING TO A BUNCH OF JERKS."

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YEAH, NORM. DO SOMETHING. COME ON.

"YEAH, NORM. DO SOMETHING. COME ON."

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COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

"COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!"

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IS ANYTHING WRONG, NORM?

"IS ANYTHING WRONG, NORM?"

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HEY, HE'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU. DON'T WORRY.

"HEY, HE'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU. DON'T WORRY."

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JUST, UH, JUST A SECOND, EMILY.

"JUST, UH, JUST A SECOND, EMILY."

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ALL RIGHT, NORM, NOW, LOOK,

"ALL RIGHT, NORM, NOW, LOOK,"

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IF YOU'RE SCARED, I'LL TAKE CHARGE OF THIS.

"IF YOU'RE SCARED, I'LL TAKE CHARGE OF THIS."

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I MEAN, WITH ME, IT WON'T BE SINFUL.

"I MEAN, WITH ME, IT WON'T BE SINFUL."

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JUST UNSIGHTLY.

"JUST UNSIGHTLY."

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UH, LOOK. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED,

"UH, LOOK. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED,"

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STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT.

"STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT."

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NORMAN,

"NORMAN,"

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WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

"WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR?"

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YEAH, YEAH, WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

"YEAH, YEAH, WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

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CALL VERA.

"CALL VERA."

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WHY?

"WHY?"

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JUST DO IT. CALL HER AND LISTEN TO HER VOICE

"JUST DO IT. CALL HER AND LISTEN TO HER VOICE"

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BEFORE YOU REND ASUNDER

"BEFORE YOU REND ASUNDER"

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THE INVIOLATE GARMENT OF YOUR MARRIAGE.

"THE INVIOLATE GARMENT OF YOUR MARRIAGE."

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COME ON, DIANE.

"COME ON, DIANE."

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PLEASE, COME ON. ARE YOU AFRAID, NORMAN?

"PLEASE, COME ON. ARE YOU AFRAID, NORMAN?"

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YOU THINK I'M AFRAID TO TALK TO MY OWN WIFE?

"YOU THINK I'M AFRAID TO TALK TO MY OWN WIFE?"

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ALL RIGHT.

"ALL RIGHT."

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UM, EMILY, UH, BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.

"UM, EMILY, UH, BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE."

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QUICK, UH, BUSINESS CALL HERE.

"QUICK, UH, BUSINESS CALL HERE."

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HELLO, VERA. THIS IS NORM.

"HELLO, VERA. THIS IS NORM."

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