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Clips from The Goldbergs - 12 Tapes for a Penny (S03E03)

"Hey, when am I gonna see you out on the links again?"
The Goldbergs
"My buddy and I have a tee time this weekend."
The Goldbergs
"You should caddy for me. Keep this duffer on the green."
The Goldbergs
"Look out! (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Hey."
The Goldbergs
"Ugh."
The Goldbergs
"I hate it when my dad talks golf with my ex."
The Goldbergs
"They used to do it all the time when we dated."
The Goldbergs
"Your dad liked him while you two were dating?"
The Goldbergs
"I thought he hated me 'cause I'm your boyfriend."
The Goldbergs
"Oh, sweetie, no. My dad hates you as, like, a person."
The Goldbergs
"You being my boyfriend is just a happy coincidence."
The Goldbergs
"Well, don't worry."
The Goldbergs
"I know a man who's got the inside track on your dad,"
The Goldbergs
"and he'll be more than happy to help me."
The Goldbergs
"Mmm, yeah, uh..."
The Goldbergs
"What is that? Is that a yes or a no?"
The Goldbergs
"Yeah... No..."
The Goldbergs
"You're mashing yes and no together."
The Goldbergs
"Speak clearly in English words."
The Goldbergs
"No... yeah, uh..."
The Goldbergs
"Come on, Dad."
The Goldbergs
"You're Bill's best friend. Just talk to him for me."
The Goldbergs
"Talk? We mostly sit in comfortable silence and drink."
The Goldbergs
"You never once told him how cool or funny or athletic I am?"
The Goldbergs
"You know, it's never come up, and I don't think it ever will."
The Goldbergs
"Can you at least tell him how good I am"
The Goldbergs
"at getting all the shampoo out of my hair in the shower?"
The Goldbergs
"As a favor to you, no."
The Goldbergs
"Did you tell him how I can palm a volleyball?"
The Goldbergs
"No, 'cause you can't do it consistently."
The Goldbergs
"Tell him how good I am at all-you-can-eat shrimp."
The Goldbergs
"That red lobster hates me, tell him."
The Goldbergs
"No. Fine."
The Goldbergs
"If you're not gonna tell him about me,"
The Goldbergs
"at least tell me about him."
The Goldbergs
"All I can tell you is he likes cheesesteaks and the cowboys."
The Goldbergs
"That's all you know about him?"
The Goldbergs
"Oh! He also likes John Denver."
The Goldbergs
"Perfect."
The Goldbergs
"Who are you? Dr. Doom?"
The Goldbergs
"And so my brother was scheming to win over Bill."
The Goldbergs
"Meanwhile, my mom was about to get wise to my scheme."
The Goldbergs
"Got a package for Papa Smurfenstein."
The Goldbergs
"I think you've got the wrong address."
The Goldbergs
"I suppose that means there's also"
The Goldbergs
"no Inspector Gidget? No."
The Goldbergs
"Gary Grayskull? No."
The Goldbergs
"Snake Plotkin? No."
The Goldbergs
"Ivan Drago? No."
The Goldbergs
"John McClaneberg? No."
The Goldbergs
"Hulk Hulkerstein? No."
The Goldbergs
"General Zod? No."
The Goldbergs
"Jean Claude Van Thunderdome?"
The Goldbergs
"What's going on? Let me guess."
The Goldbergs
"You have teenagers?"
The Goldbergs
"Well, one of them's been using"
The Goldbergs
"a lot of fake names to get free tapes."
The Goldbergs
"Well, I think it's obvious who's responsible."
The Goldbergs
"Me? Yes, you."
The Goldbergs
"Who else would it be?"
The Goldbergs
"ERICA: Kermit D. Fonz?"
The Goldbergs
"That's got Adam written all over it."
The Goldbergs
"You expect me to believe that Adam did this? Yes."
The Goldbergs
"Adam? Adam."
The Goldbergs
"My delicious little snuggle monster?"
The Goldbergs
"Yes, Adam. Adam?"
The Goldbergs
"He's guilty. Tell her you're guilty."
The Goldbergs
"Why does she say these things, Mama?"
The Goldbergs
"I'm just a little boy."
The Goldbergs
"See? He has an alibi. He's a little boy."
The Goldbergs
"Why do you always blame me for everything?"
The Goldbergs
"Just open the box and look at the tapes,"
The Goldbergs
"and you'll see it wasn't me."
The Goldbergs
"(SIGHS)"
The Goldbergs
""Weird Al, The songs of Fraggle Rock,"
The Goldbergs
""The best of Andrew Lloyd Webber.""
The Goldbergs
"And, finally, "101 farts, volume 2.""
The Goldbergs
"Hope it was worth it, Erica. You're grounded for a month."
The Goldbergs
"No phone, no crimper."
The Goldbergs
"A month with smooth hair? Are you crazy?"
The Goldbergs
"Tell her!"
The Goldbergs
"Okay, fine. It really was me."
The Goldbergs
"(STUTTERS) It was such a good deal."
The Goldbergs
"I got caught in the heat of the moment."
The Goldbergs
"Which is also a song I got for a fraction of a penny."
The Goldbergs
"Shh, you don't have to lie for her anymore."
The Goldbergs
"Seriously? What?"
The Goldbergs
"Let mama make you a banana split."
The Goldbergs
"(CHUCKLES) Okay? You get nothing."
The Goldbergs
"Oof, tough break."
The Goldbergs
"Take Sheila E. For your troubles."
The Goldbergs
"(CLATTERING) This is ridiculous."
The Goldbergs
"Why do I always get blamed"
The Goldbergs
"for everything that goes wrong in this house?"
The Goldbergs
"'Cause you do most of it."
The Goldbergs
"You know, if Mom thinks I'm so bad,"
The Goldbergs
"maybe it's time to show her how bad I can really be."
The Goldbergs
"Wait, this was you holding back?"
The Goldbergs
"Oh, this is not good."
The Goldbergs
"Tired of being labeled the troublemaker,"
The Goldbergs
"my sister decided to live up to her name."
The Goldbergs
"Wow, yeah, okay."
The Goldbergs
"Let's do this. Let's shoplift."
The Goldbergs
"Trust me, it's super fun and easy."
The Goldbergs
"And also the only thing that really makes me feel alive."
The Goldbergs
"Ooh! Fanny packs."
The Goldbergs
"I mean, how much worse is shoplifting"
The Goldbergs
"than scamming Columbia House anyway?"
The Goldbergs
"Getting 12 tapes for a penny"
The Goldbergs
"is like the same thing as shoplifting."
The Goldbergs
"Just a tip."
The Goldbergs
"Maybe don't say "shoplifting" so much while you're shoplifting."
The Goldbergs
"Right, gotcha."
The Goldbergs
"'Cause we're not shoplifting,"
The Goldbergs
"which is, by the way, totally a victimless crime."
The Goldbergs
"I'm hearing a lot of justifying and not a lot of stealing."
The Goldbergs
"Catch up, girl."
The Goldbergs
"Yep, my sister was ready for a life of crime"
The Goldbergs
"just as Barry was preparing to steal Bill's heart."
The Goldbergs
"Gentlemen!"
The Goldbergs
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