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Clips from Funny Farm

"I don't want your typewriter, Andy. You keep it."
Funny Farm
"Maybe you'll find a use for it someday."
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"What about the apple?"
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"What apple?"
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""What apple?""
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"You know very well what apple. The last apple."
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"The one you ate when we were practically starving. After you ate the last banana!"
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"Are you serious?"
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"Don't try to deny it. I stepped on the core!"
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"Don't worry."
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"I'm willing to concede that our marriage has been just a series of mutual betrayals."
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"I know it, you know it, and Yellow Dog knows it!"
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"Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he lives in!"
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"I'm taking this truck and I'm moving in with Mrs. Dinges!"
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"Good!"
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"Out!"
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"Scram! Beat it!"
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"Don't forget your pal, Andy!"
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"All right, then."
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"We've come together in the matter of Farmer v. Farmer."
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"Mrs. Farmer, you're beginning divorce proceedings..."
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"- ... against your husband, correct? - Who wants the house?"
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"- I don't. - Not me."
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"Well, at least you're both in agreement on something."
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"Marion, when's the next available court date?"
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"- We have to go to court? - We are merely attorneys, Mrs. Farmer..."
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"...handmaidens of the law. Only a judge can dissolve a marriage."
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"A circuit judge will be here next month..."
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"...but that's when we go to trial on your personal injury, it seems."
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"Wait a minute. You represent him in another matter?"
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"Yes, sir."
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"- Isn't that a conflict of interest? - Not in my book."
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"Okay. How about the first week in February?"
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"July would be better for me."
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"July is seven months away."
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"- Were you in a rush? - Excuse us just a minute."
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"You gotta get this ceiling painted sometime, Marion."
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"Move to carry. The town of Redbud will seek official accreditation..."
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"...as the acorn capital of the world."
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"Last on the agenda, Elizabeth and Andy Farmer have requested permission..."
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"...to address the council."
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"As the current lamb-fry record holder..."
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"...I'm sure Mr. Farmer is familiar to you all."
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"- Why don't you sit down? - Cut it out."
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"Thank you, Mayor Barclay, members of the council."
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"Citizens of Redbud."
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"We came to Redbud..."
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"...filled with hopes and dreams for a better life and a better place."
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"And basically, we've seen those hopes and dreams..."
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"...shattered and crushed before our very eyes."
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"Now, I'm not saying it's entirely your fault. We're as much to blame for this as you."
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"Well, maybe more like 60-40..."
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"...but we didn't come down here to quibble over percentages."
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"- What did you come here for? - Sit down."
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"We came here to ask your help in selling our house."
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"There's money in this for you."
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"Sit down. We can at least listen."
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"Sit down."
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"Thank you very much."
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"My wife, Elizabeth."
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"These are Saturday Evening Post magazines from the '30s and the '40s."
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"The covers of these magazines were painted by a man named Norman Rockwell."
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"Norman Rockwell knew a thing or two about small-town life."
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"Normal small-town life."
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"He knew how people looked, what they did, how they dressed."
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"And that's what we want from you."
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"We want you to look and dress and act..."
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"...just like the people on the covers of these magazines."
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"So..."
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"Pass them out amongst yourselves."
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"Look at them. Study them."
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"Take them home, if you wish."
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"But be careful, they're on loan from Mrs. Dinges' antique shop."
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"Hold on, now, Mrs. Farmer. Did we hear some mention of money?"
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"Within 24 hours of the close of escrow on our property..."
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"...we will present to the town of Redbud a check in the amount of $15,000."
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"Also, a bonus of $50 each..."
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"...to any individual who performs..."
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"...a specific act of traditional small-town behavior..."
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"...in the presence of the prospective buyers."
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"Leave it to me, Andy and Elizabeth. I'll ram this project home."
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"Now, how much notice do you think you'll need to start acting normal?"
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"Here they come."
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"They're going around front. Good."
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"Oh, Bud."
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"It's perfect. It's just what we're looking for."
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"Oh, look, honey, ducks."
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"- Cue the deer. - Roger."
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"Oh, look."
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"- Great. - Play it cool, honey."
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"- Let's not let them think we're too eager. - Yes, yes."
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"Go."
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"How do I look?"
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"The pipe's a bit much."
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"- Yes? - Hi, the Culbertsons, Bud and Betsy."
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"- Oh, yeah. Please come in. - Thank you."
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"Darling, the Culbertsons are here."
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"Oh!"
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"Didn't expect you so soon. Andrew Farmer. Excuse the mess."
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"Don't you have a dog?"
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"You bet."
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"He's probably out somewhere scaring up game."
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"It's been a dream of ours for a long time, moving out to the country."
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"Bud's going to write a novel."
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"How nice."
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"Excuse me."
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"This is a wonderful house to write in."
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"Do you mind if I ask why you're moving?"
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"Well, actually we're being transferred."
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"Andy's with the government."
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"High-level position."
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"It's all classified."
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"You know how it is. They never tell the wives-"
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"Mail, Mr. Farmer."
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"I'll just put it right over here on the table for you, sir."
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"As usual, I weeded out..."
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"...all of the junk mail myself."
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"Mrs. Farmer, Mrs. Petree asked me to bring this over to you."
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"It's her traditional rum-nut-plum-raisin cake of the season."
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"Thank you."
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