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Clips from Funny Farm

"Read the next page. It gets funnier."
Funny Farm
"Is this a comedy?"
Funny Farm
"I thought it was, you know, action-adventure."
Funny Farm
"It is. It's all three."
Funny Farm
"Read. It's great. Read."
Funny Farm
"Andy, honey, let me read this at home. I can't- I can't even-"
Funny Farm
"I'm sorry. I know. You can't read while I'm here."
Funny Farm
"- I'll tell you what. - Where are you going?"
Funny Farm
"Well, I saw a liquor store on the corner. I'll buy some champagne, we can celebrate."
Funny Farm
"- But... - You just stay here and read."
Funny Farm
"I love you."
Funny Farm
"Wait. Wait, don't tell me yet."
Funny Farm
"Okay, I'm ready. What'd you think?"
Funny Farm
"I guess that means you don't like it."
Funny Farm
"You think it's lousy?"
Funny Farm
"The whole thing?"
Funny Farm
"It's all those flashbacks. You never know when anything is taking place."
Funny Farm
"In the first 20 pages alone, I counted three flashbacks, one flash-forward..."
Funny Farm
"...and I think on Page 8 you have a flash-sideways."
Funny Farm
"Well, what about the story?"
Funny Farm
"The story?"
Funny Farm
"Yeah. Four poker buddies knocking over a casino."
Funny Farm
"The perfect crime."
Funny Farm
"What are you saying I should do? Take out the flashbacks? Rewrite the opening?"
Funny Farm
"I could do that."
Funny Farm
"Then what?"
Funny Farm
"Burn it."
Funny Farm
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about."
Funny Farm
"Thanks."
Funny Farm
"You don't know a damn thing about writing. You're a schoolteacher, not an editor."
Funny Farm
"That's obvious. I read the whole thing."
Funny Farm
"An editor would have stopped reading after the first paragraph."
Funny Farm
"Okay. You want me to burn it? Is that what you want? You want me to burn it?"
Funny Farm
"There. I hope you're happy, Mrs. Critic!"
Funny Farm
"It's burning now, okay?"
Funny Farm
"It's burning!"
Funny Farm
"Shit!"
Funny Farm
"Oh, goddamn it."
Funny Farm
"I'm sorry about the way I behaved last night."
Funny Farm
"You were just being honest."
Funny Farm
"And it's encouraged me to try harder and do better. For that, I thank you."
Funny Farm
"Oh, Andy."
Funny Farm
"Think we should put this back?"
Funny Farm
"What, are you nuts? This sign is mint. There's not a bullet hole in it."
Funny Farm
"Andy. Andy, honey."
Funny Farm
"Save your strength, sweetheart. I'll get the mail."
Funny Farm
"You want anything else? How about some apple pie?"
Funny Farm
"No, thanks. I'm just gonna sit here by the fire and relax."
Funny Farm
"Well, can I bring you a cup of coffee, then?"
Funny Farm
"All right. Good."
Funny Farm
"Here we go."
Funny Farm
"Hot. Hot."
Funny Farm
"Here, honey."
Funny Farm
"Thank you."
Funny Farm
"I have good news, Andy."
Funny Farm
"You do? Well, let's hear it. I'm always in the mood for good news."
Funny Farm
"Look."
Funny Farm
"A check for $5,000 made out to you?"
Funny Farm
"Isn't it wonderful? I sold a book."
Funny Farm
"What book?"
Funny Farm
"A book I wrote."
Funny Farm
"Five thousand, is that much for a first book?"
Funny Farm
"When did you write a book?"
Funny Farm
"Well, at odd times. You know, a little bit here, a little bit there."
Funny Farm
"I wrote it out longhand on legal pads."
Funny Farm
"Then I Federal Expressed it to an address I found in your magazine."
Funny Farm
"And then today when I collected the mail, there was an envelope..."
Funny Farm
"...and in it was a contract, a check..."
Funny Farm
"...and a typed version of my manuscript."
Funny Farm
"- I can hardly believe it. - Me too."
Funny Farm
"The publisher wants to know if I have any others."
Funny Farm
"- You wrote a book and then you sold it? - Yeah."
Funny Farm
"- Well, what's it about? - Animals."
Funny Farm
"- Squirrels, mostly. - Squirrels?"
Funny Farm
"- What kind of book is that? - A children's book."
Funny Farm
"A children's book? Oh, a children's book."
Funny Farm
"What did you think I wrote, a novel?"
Funny Farm
"I didn't know. That's wonderful. Congratulations."
Funny Farm
"- Oh, thank you. - I'm so proud of you. That's wonderful."
Funny Farm
"- Are you, honey? Are you really? - Of course."
Funny Farm
"Because I thought you might feel a little bit jealous or threatened."
Funny Farm
"Me? Are you kidding?"
Funny Farm
"So tell me, these squirrels, do they have adventures?"
Funny Farm
"Oh, yeah. It's so great."
Funny Farm
"It's about a squirrel from Central Park who falls asleep in a delivery truck..."
Funny Farm
"...and wakes up in the country."
Funny Farm
"He has some funny misadventures and he makes all kinds of mistakes..."
Funny Farm
"...because he's from the city, right..."
Funny Farm
"...and now he's completely out of his element."
Funny Farm
"It's a fish-out-of-water story."
Funny Farm
"This squirrel is me, isn't it?"
Funny Farm
"No. No, I wouldn't say that."
Funny Farm
"What's his name?"
Funny Farm
"Andy."
Funny Farm
"I'm a son of a bitch."
Funny Farm
"No, honey. Please don't be upset. It's really very flattering."
Funny Farm
"You were my inspiration. This is a tribute to you."
Funny Farm
"- I'd like to read it. - And you shall."
Funny Farm
"You shall."
Funny Farm
"Oh, and one more thing."
Funny Farm
"Would you mind, Andy, if I used the typewriter for a little bit tonight?"
Funny Farm
"I have some ideas for a second story I wanna get down before they fly out of my head."
Funny Farm
"Oh, sure."
Funny Farm
"It'll go much faster on the typewriter. That is, if you don't mind, of course."
Funny Farm
"Okay, let me straighten up a little."
Funny Farm
"You know, I'm starting to enjoy the idea of both of us being writers."
Funny Farm
"It's in the great tradition of..."
Funny Farm
"...what's-his-name and his wife."
Funny Farm
"Where'd you get that?"
Funny Farm
"Mrs. Dinges' antique shop."
Funny Farm
"He's what gave me the idea to write the book in the first place."
Funny Farm
"I thought I was your inspiration."
Funny Farm
"It was the combination of the two."
Funny Farm
"What I did, Andy, was use the entire town."
Funny Farm
"There's a great big old hedgehog based on Sheriff Ledbetter."
Funny Farm
"There's two crazy raccoons that remind me of those Criterion brothers."
Funny Farm
"Remember that strange man-?"
Funny Farm
"But the squirrel, Andy, he's the main character, isn't he?"
Funny Farm
"Well, yes, of course."
Funny Farm
"So, what kind of cute things will old Andy the squirrel be up to in the next book?"
Funny Farm
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