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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Goes Outside! (S01E01)

"Or are you some kind of tiny businessman, sir?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Stranger danger! - I'm not stranger danger!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm a stranger danger ranger!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Uh, excuse me. Ma'am?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You want smoke? Her-ron?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Uh, I'm here about the ad? - The roommate ad."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My God, you're here about the ad."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I own the building. Come on."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's a garden-level maisonette."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Look at you! You look so nice."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And Titus is a very, very sweet boy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"A little crusty on the outside"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but a soft heart, like a wonderful French roll."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- But black. - Who the is it?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- It's Lillian, dear. - Oh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's gonna be wonderful"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"for him to have a roommate,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"because he's very isolated but so talented"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but disillusioned but a genius."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And he's single but very gay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And he doesn't know I placed the ad."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What is it, Lillian? Who is this?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm your new roommate."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Okay, so sue me. - Lillian, I'm a model tenant!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- You need a roommate. - I don't make noise."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I don't fry fish."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Honey, you also don't pay the rent."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Because I don't have money."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You know I do not want to evict you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Just consider her, please?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What is your current address?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Next question."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"May I see a recent letter of employment"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- or two recent pay stumps? - No and no."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Where do you work? - Nowhere yet."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I pronounce you ridiculous."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Come back when you got a J-O-B!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He's right. I am gonna need a job."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Honey, you come back here with a job,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- the place is yours. - Thanks."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah. Oh! - the place is yours. - Thanks."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah. Oh!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But don't wear that yellow sweater,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"'cause the Crips'll think you're in the Banana Boys."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's a new gang."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"There weren't any good colors left."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Nice to meet ya!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hi, I'm Kimmy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm a big fan of your products,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"particularly the shark gummies,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"which I hadn't seen elsewhere."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I'm interested in any employment opportunities"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"that you might have..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Where do you live? - Stranger danger!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Thank God. Are you the dog masseuse?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No. Ma'am, I found your son."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Buckley? Where's Hunong?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"She never picked me up, so I was just walking home."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Liar!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm sorry. And you work for the school?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- No. - So you're an Uber driver."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- No. - So you are the dog masseuse?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Ma'am, I'm a stranger."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Buckley, please get in here."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You know I'm not allowed outside."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Okay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Ma'am, what do you mean, you're not allowed outside?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- I had a face peel. - Is that your reverend?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Did he peel your face? - I'm sorry?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Do you need help?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Answer me honestly. Do you need help?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I do."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's $17 an hour cash, under the table."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You'll need to sign an NDA and a DNR."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Do you get sick in helicopters?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I never have."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You'll need to be here by 6:00 every morning"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"to get Buckley up for school."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Then get me up at 10:00, but don't wake me up."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Can I just say how grateful I am"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"for this opportunity?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm sorry. What is your name?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Oh, it's Kimmy. - Kimmy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Are you good at braiding hair?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- I'm awesome at it. - Fantastic."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Of course, you'll have to meet the horses first."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Do you want a water? - No, thanks."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Okay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This is Charles. He's a tutor."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He'll help you do Buckley's homework."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Also, it's Buckley's birthday tomorrow,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"so you'll need to make a cake that's cute"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but also paleo."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Swedish, 90 minutes, medium pressure."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm going to bed."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What in the ham sandwich? I just got a job."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Please tell me that you're normal."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I need someone here to talk to."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, I'm very normal."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I've had everything normal happen to me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Lillian, why is my doll furniture on the curb?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Because it's all I could carry."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Tomorrow real movers come, Titus, and evict you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- How dare you? - You know I love you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Lillian, I helped you take a shower once."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Hey, guys. - Hey, white weirdo."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I got a job."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It pays $17 an hour, under the tables,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but I can pay in advance right now"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"with my... tax refund."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I can have his things out by tonight."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Lillian."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I have decided I will be taking a roommate."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, you have decided, have you?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yes, I've decided."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, I'm the one that placed the ad..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Actually, I would rather live with someone."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm kind of used to having roommates."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Okay. J'approuve."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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