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Clips from The Distinguished Gentleman

"Good morning, Congressman."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"What is this shit-hole? Look at this place. What is this?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Oh, um... you missed the freshman lottery for offices."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"They assign them by draw."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You didn't show for the draw, so you got the worst office in Congress."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"What lottery? I missed a lottery?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"It was all in those briefing books I mailed you."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"What else have we missed here?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Are you hiring me, Congressman?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- It's a shakedown. - Excuse me?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Oh, ho-ho-ho! You're shaking me down, aren't you?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Okay, I'm gonna love this town."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Okay, I've been here five minutes and you're already shaking me down."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"All right, you're hired."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Listen, fill me in on everything 'cause I don't wanna miss the good shit."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"## [Classical]"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Indistinct Chatter]"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Let's go meet the natives. - Yeah."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Thomas] Can you be a little more elegant than that?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Shakin' your ass and shit."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Hey, how ya doin'? Thomas Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Rafe Simon, freshman from Tulsa. And this is..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Bo Chandler from, uh... - Lufkin, Texas."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Great party."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You're Jeff Johnson, the guy from Florida."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Yeah, that's me."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You know, the rest of us were out there on the campaign trail,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"raising money, kissing ass, making speeches, dragging our butts from place to place."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"And he slides in on pure name recognition."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Let me tell you something, Jeff."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Fuckin' brilliant!"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I thought I was gonna have to kick somebody's... Okay. Hey, no, I'm sorry."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Thanks a lot. And don't call me Jeff."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Jeff is my working name. My name is Thomas, and this is my cousin, Miss Loretta."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"How do you do? How do you do? [Laughing]"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"What were you guys before you got elected? Lawyers or something?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Oh, hey, no. I did morning weather and traffic for KTOK in Tulsa."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Oh. [Laughing] - [Chandler] You don't remember me?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Tight end for the Oilers? My knee gimped out on me?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Oh, yes! Oh, hey, man. I was wonderin' what happened to you."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Why don't you stop by my reception? - Yeah, but don't go..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"to his reception before you go to my reception."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I'm gonna be offended if you don't come by my reception."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Okay. - [Thomas] Okay."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I guess you're gonna have to have a reception."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Yes, I guess we'll have to have something."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Shit, I don't know nothin' about no reception."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You know what I love about this town? The way everybody call you a member."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Every time I hear that, it make me think about Mister Happy."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- [Laughing] - Hey, hey!"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Watch them sprinklets, man! He's laughin' and piss shootin' everyplace."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I got a sprinkler too now. Back at ya!"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Ow! - All right, then."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Mike Hoyt, lowa. - Thomas Johnson, Florida."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"So how'd you wind up in D.C., lowa? You do the crop report on TV or somethin'?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"No, actually, I owe it all to the Vietnamese."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Oh, you're a war hero."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"P.O.W. When I got back to Cedar Rapids,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I spent so many years telling the Rotary Club what was wrong in Washington..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"they finally told me to either put up or shut up. Ha!"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"So I put up, and here I am."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"What are you talkin' about? What's wrong with Washington? Washington's great!"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Oh, come on. We got acid rain killing fish and nobody's stopping it."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"There's topsoil being washed away. No erosion programs."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Why, there's chemicals in the livestock that... - We might have some luck."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"My God, I sound like a boy scout. [Laughing]"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"No, actually, that's nice. This town could use a few geeks like you."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Hi. - Pete Slocum, Asbestos Information Institute."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"How are ya, Pete? Nice to meet ya."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Ken Korngold, National Distilled Spirits Association."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Very good to meet you, Ken. - Nice to meet you."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Paul Zeckhauser, American Tobacco Council. [Coughing] - How are you, Paul?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I hope you can all come to my reception. You know Miss Loretta from my office."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Hi. Hello. - Terry Corrigan."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Soon as I saw how you got elected, I knew you were a real comer."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Hell, I bet Olaf Andersen voted for you."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I don't know. Who's Olaf Andersen?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Won't tell him you asked. Fella on the left up there."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Chairman, Gulf Coast Power."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Constituent of yours, client of mine."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Pays the rent, know what I mean?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Say, could I host a "welcome to Washington" fund-raiser for you,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"down at my law firm on K Street?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Absolutely. - At $500 a head,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"you could pick up 20, 25 grand to help you get started."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Nervous Laugh]"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"And how much of that are you gonna get?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"It doesn't come off the top."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Down the road, I'll bill each of them 500 an hour whenever I take you to lunch."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You know, Terry, you and I are gonna be so close."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I wanna welcome the new members to Washington."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"We haven't had a freshman class this big in a long time."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Laughing]"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Well, Congress needs your new blood, and you in turn are gonna need new friends."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"That's why, tonight, we unite the two great pillars of our system."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Political and financial."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Now, you know, Congress has taken many hits of late."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"But, Congressmen, look around you."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"The people you see here tonight are the ones that have stood behind us."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"And they are the ones that will be invaluable to you in your next campaign,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"which I might remind you is less than two years away."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Now this is our system of checks and balances at its very finest."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Dick Dodge, from your home state. Gonna run for speaker."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Raises more money than any other member."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"But, of course, he's on the right committee,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Which makes all the difference. - Yeah, of course."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"No, he's on the right committee, so I guess that makes all the difference."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Not just on the committee. He's chairman of it."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"The big boys have to line up to take numbers..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"to throw money his way."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Your friends can always call on you. - No shit."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Woman] Thank you very much."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Dodge] Oh, uh, Mr. Johnson?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You know, it's customary for the new members..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"to pay a visit on us old fogies in the leadership, especially from your home state."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Well, I would have, but I just got in town. I'm sorry, man."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You know, you can make up for it by having a nightcap with me."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Oh, absolutely. - Can I have my car take you home?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Uh, excuse me, Mr. Chairman,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
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