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Clips from Friends with Kids

"Wait, so who was this guy again?"
Friends with Kids
"Oh, my God, he was a setup through my boss."
Friends with Kids
"I got there, he was 61."
Friends with Kids
"I'm sorry, excuse me. Can I put him in with Katie? Do you mind?"
Friends with Kids
"Oh, yeah, the monitor's right there. Go ahead."
Friends with Kids
"He's fine."
Friends with Kids
"- My God, he's fine. He'll be fine. - I'll put him in there. He'll fall asleep."
Friends with Kids
"He's hungry"
Friends with Kids
"That's his hungry cry. Just go feed him."
Friends with Kids
"Why don't you feed him?"
Friends with Kids
"I brought the bottle, why don't you feed him for once?"
Friends with Kids
"Fine, I'll feed him! It's not like it's that big a deal."
Friends with Kids
"She acts like I raped her to have a kid."
Friends with Kids
"So, Jase, how's work?"
Friends with Kids
"Oh, fine."
Friends with Kids
"- We're doing the Bud Super Bowl spots. - Excuse me."
Friends with Kids
"- Pretty cool. - That is cool."
Friends with Kids
"And that's my cue."
Friends with Kids
"My turn, clearly..."
Friends with Kids
"- You need help, sweetie? - No, no, I'm all right."
Friends with Kids
"How's Callie?"
Friends with Kids
"Oh, we... We broke up."
Friends with Kids
"- No... - Like, four months ago."
Friends with Kids
"Oh..."
Friends with Kids
"- Can we get another? - Thank you."
Friends with Kids
"- Jesus Christ. - That was unbelievable."
Friends with Kids
"- Seriously, though... - God!"
Friends with Kids
"We don't know those people. Those people are mean, and angry, and..."
Friends with Kids
"Mean."
Friends with Kids
"- When did that happen? - I don't know."
Friends with Kids
"I don't know, when they had kids?"
Friends with Kids
"- Come on, that doesn't make you mean. - Maybe it does."
Friends with Kids
"Can we get a couple more?"
Friends with Kids
"No, come on, it can't be that. It can't be just that."
Friends with Kids
"- I mean, it's hard, yeah. It's got to be hard. - Sure."
Friends with Kids
"You know, you go through pregnancy"
Friends with Kids
"and it's stressful and you're fat and cranky, and I get that."
Friends with Kids
"Of course."
Friends with Kids
"But, I'm sorry, that's what you signed on for."
Friends with Kids
"- Yes, you did. - They both knew going in"
Friends with Kids
"that it was going to be shitty for nine or ten months."
Friends with Kids
"I know, right."
Friends with Kids
"But, then, you get a great kid at the end. Like Cole."
Friends with Kids
"I know. The having the kid part's exciting and great."
Friends with Kids
"Miracle of life, people bring gifts."
Friends with Kids
"You got visitors, the in-laws, everyone's around,"
Friends with Kids
"people bake things and knit little hats..."
Friends with Kids
"Yeah,"
Friends with Kids
"but then after all the hoopla, nobody sleeps for what, like a year?"
Friends with Kids
"Yeah, a year or two."
Friends with Kids
"Right."
Friends with Kids
"That'll make you mean."
Friends with Kids
"You know what the hardest part is to me, though?"
Friends with Kids
"The part I just can't wrap my brain around?"
Friends with Kids
"The loosening of the vagina"
Friends with Kids
"and the worry that your guy'll never like fucking you again"
Friends with Kids
"because it's cavernous now, and not..."
Friends with Kids
"Sorry, go ahead."
Friends with Kids
"No, the hardest part, and everyone says this,"
Friends with Kids
"is that suddenly you love this creature, I mean, this stranger, right?"
Friends with Kids
"Far and above the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with."
Friends with Kids
"The person you chose on the planet over absolutely everyone else to be with."
Friends with Kids
"But what's the alternative, just not like your kid that much?"
Friends with Kids
"Talk about him behind his back and leave him out of things?"
Friends with Kids
"Tell him he's a douchebag?"
Friends with Kids
"No, this is my point, the setup is flawed. I mean, think about it."
Friends with Kids
"At my age, even if I meet my guy,"
Friends with Kids
"I mean, the guy I've been waiting for my whole life, I'll have, like, what?"
Friends with Kids
"Six months to a year of awesome before we're plunged into babydom"
Friends with Kids
"and then it doesn't get good again for like five years?"
Friends with Kids
"Yeah, if you survive it."
Friends with Kids
"You see? I don't know how you get to be the most important person to your person"
Friends with Kids
"and not miss out on having a kid."
Friends with Kids
"Unless you marry a divorced guy with kids."
Friends with Kids
"Yeah, but then you miss out on birth and you're second best to the kids."
Friends with Kids
"So what are you saying?"
Friends with Kids
"You want to be already divorced, with a kid, so you can meet the man of your dreams?"
Friends with Kids
"Actually, divorced people have it kind of great."
Friends with Kids
"They get all the toxic unsexy stuff out of the way with the first person,"
Friends with Kids
"and then when they meet the person they really want to be with,"
Friends with Kids
"they only have to deal with the kid half the time."
Friends with Kids
"Right, built-in child care."
Friends with Kids
"Right, they get all kinds of time together when the kid's with the ex,"
Friends with Kids
"then they get QT with the kid because it's special."
Friends with Kids
"- Right. It's like the perfect setup. - Or you could just not have kids."
Friends with Kids
"- Oh, I want them so much, don't you? - Are you kidding? Of course, I do."
Friends with Kids
"- I'm gonna have a kid no matter what. - Well, me, too. At least one."
Friends with Kids
"Thanks."
Friends with Kids
"- Why don't we just do it? - Do what?"
Friends with Kids
"- Have a kid. Get it over with. - What?"
Friends with Kids
"We love each other, we trust each other, we're responsible, gainfully employed,"
Friends with Kids
"and totally not attracted to each other physically."
Friends with Kids
"Yeah, that'd be perfect, beat the system."
Friends with Kids
"Right. We have the kid, share all the responsibility,"
Friends with Kids
"and just skip over the whole marriage and divorce nightmare."
Friends with Kids
"I mean, you don't really have a lot of time to waste, doll."
Friends with Kids
"Get to it, pop one out, lose the weight quickly,"
Friends with Kids
"then start looking for your guy."
Friends with Kids
"I can't really tell if you're kidding right now."
Friends with Kids
"Yes?"
Friends with Kids
"- What if I wasn't? - What?"
Friends with Kids
"- Kidding. - Really?"
Friends with Kids
"Just what if?"
Friends with Kids
"Just talk it through for a sec, pro and con it."
Friends with Kids
"Yeah, just spitball."
Friends with Kids
"I never got that expression,"
Friends with Kids
"how do you go from fourth grade, hitting people in the neck with small pieces of..."
Friends with Kids
"- Off topic. - Sony."
Friends with Kids
"Well, what would we tell our future people?"
Friends with Kids
"Easy. We dated casually once or twice, got pregnant,"
Friends with Kids
"you wanted to keep the kid 'cause you're old."
Friends with Kids
"Thanks."
Friends with Kids
"I had no choice, so we decided to split custody and remain friends."
Friends with Kids
"That makes me the villain."
Friends with Kids
"Okay, we both wanted a kid but not each other,"
Friends with Kids
"so split custody and remained friends."
Friends with Kids
"Better."
Friends with Kids
"What if I meet my guy while I'm pregnant?"
Friends with Kids
"Then you say you're not sure whose it is. You've been dating casually."
Friends with Kids
"- Then I'm a slut. - Okay, all right."
Friends with Kids
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