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Clips from Archer - Archer: 1999 -- The Leftovers (S10E10)

"and make you act out your deepest desires."
Archer
"Yeah, that's kind of where we came out on it."
Archer
"So if you'll excuse us."
Archer
"Please, don't mind me."
Archer
"Do we mind? I mean, I could go either way."
Archer
"Yes, we mind."
Archer
"And I mind that this ship is doomed"
Archer
"if no one does their jobs."
Archer
"Oh, come on, it's..."
Archer
"-...probably fine. -But if this keeps up,"
Archer
"we're probably gonna die of chafing."
Archer
"Pam also locked the ship onto a course"
Archer
"-for the Fang Nebula. -[feedback over intercom]"
Archer
"RAY: ♪ I am Wyoming, I am home♪"
Archer
"♪ I am America, I'm Teapot Dome.♪"
Archer
"God, wow, that is cask-strength ear poison,"
Archer
"but I'm still on the fence."
Archer
"Do you really want to live the rest"
Archer
"of your short life in a world"
Archer
"where Cyril is cooler than you?"
Archer
"-We'll shoot the eggs into space. -[creature warbles]"
Archer
"But only if you modify Benedictso he stops laying eggs."
Archer
"He's my friend and he's staying."
Archer
"And I just realized he's probably a she."
Archer
"There's no way for me to know if I can even..."
Archer
"He'll do it or he goes in the recycler."
Archer
"But wait-- what will we eat?"
Archer
"I cobbled together a formula from stuff on hand"
Archer
"and the regenerative DNA."
Archer
"It should provide enough nutrients"
Archer
"to get us to spaceport."
Archer
"Really? Space goo?"
Archer
"No. It's more of a slurry."
Archer
"Yeah, it's a goo."
Archer
"All right, that's the last of them."
Archer
"-Took you long enough. -Not engaging. Not engaging."
Archer
"[all yelp]"
Archer
"Engage, MF-ers."
Archer
"You'll touch that button when I say so."
Archer
"And guess what? I won't."
Archer
"-How did you find us? -Uh, I tapped into"
Archer
"the shipwide surveillance system."
Archer
"Which, by the way-- pretty pissed about."
Archer
"Look, we've got to get rid of these eggs,"
Archer
"and everything will go back to normal."
Archer
"-No. -Screw normal. -You think I like"
Archer
"being a courtesan on a salvage ship?"
Archer
"I have a postgraduate degree."
Archer
"-What's it called? A Ph. Dong? -That's what they call it."
Archer
"I just want to do nothing and be happy"
Archer
"and not get yelled at!"
Archer
"And I'm good at being a captain."
Archer
"-I want to take some initiativewithout this ding dong. -RAY: Hey!"
Archer
"Not you."
Archer
"Doing his stupid plans."
Archer
"So, what I'm hearing is you wantArcher to be nicer or,"
Archer
"alternatively, we can die in space,"
Archer
"as previously discussed."
Archer
"I'm thinking."
Archer
"Ow, fine."
Archer
"Jesus, your knuckles are like filberts."
Archer
"Well, don't worry about food, because I..."
Archer
"-MALORY: Christ. -Yup. -You made space goo."
Archer
"-MALORY: Space goo. -PAM: Space goo."
Archer
"Aw, my moment."
Archer
"-Oh, my God! -Oh! Come on, man! -Oh, the stench!"
Archer
"What'd you use to make it-- human waste and garbage?"
Archer
"Hmm, not just that."
Archer
"Okay, I'm back on the egg side."
Archer
"Seriously? What about..."
Archer
"Wow. Okay."
Archer
"That is powerful."
Archer
"Cork it, electro-nuts."
Archer
"ARCHER: Whew."
Archer
"L-Look, we're all happy."
Archer
"Yes, maybe it's a shortcut,"
Archer
"but don't we deserve that once in a while?"
Archer
"Isn't it nice just to be together?"
Archer
"To not worry about the future?"
Archer
"Call it an intermezzo, but maybe it's worth it?"
Archer
"Ah, that was beautiful."
Archer
"But no, I will not gorge myselfon a highly addictive substance"
Archer
"while we drift into a war zone"
Archer
"while listening to a shitty rock musical,"
Archer
"because it's insane and we will die."
Archer
"-Seize her. -No, no, no..."
Archer
"-[all clamoring] -No, no, no, wait! -CHERYL: Hey, guys."
Archer
"[chuckles] Remember when you were happy?"
Archer
"ALL: No!"
Archer
"[all clamoring]"
Archer
"-Why did you do that? -It turns out the eggs"
Archer
"did unleash my deepest desire."
Archer
"It's to make you all miserable."
Archer
"-[laughing] -[alarm blares]"
Archer
"COMPUTER: Warning: unknown vessel approaching."
Archer
"-Cyril, what did we say about the scanner, -Warning:"
Archer
"-you colossal turd? -unknown vessel approaching."
Archer
"-Hey, you said you'd be nicer to me. -Warning:"
Archer
"-I never agreed to that. -Yes, you did. -unknown vessel approaching."
Archer
"-ARCHER: I obviously didn't -Warning: unknown vessel"
Archer
"-mean it, Lana. -approaching."
Archer
"ARCHER: Well,"
Archer
"we're all gonna die."
Archer
"-Thanks, Lana. -How is this my fault?"
Archer
"I don't know, but it feels good to say that."
Archer
"[over comms]: Hey, guys, it's Captain Brett!"
Archer
"Yeah, I've been tracking you guys for a while,"
Archer
"and I thought you guys might need some supplies."
Archer
"[all clamoring]"
Archer
"Wait, wait, wait, wait-- how do we know it's Brett?"
Archer
"BRETT: Ooh, hold on guys,"
Archer
"I'm getting something weird on my scanner here."
Archer
"Yeah, what are those?"
Archer
"Oh, no. No, no!"
Archer
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
Archer
"No!"
Archer
"[Archer giggles]"
Archer
"Yep, th-that was Brett."
Archer
"MAN: Made in Georgia."
Archer
"[beeping]"
Archer
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