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Clips from Derry Girls - The Night Before (S03E03)

I don't know. Look, we're just trying to work out

"I don't know. Look, we're just trying to work out"

Derry Girls

what happened here, girls.

"what happened here, girls."

Derry Girls

It was Hans!

"It was Hans!"

Derry Girls

Hans? Hans and his friend, they did it!

"Hans? Hans and his friend, they did it!"

Derry Girls

Hans?

"Hans?"

Derry Girls

You know, like, Hans Christian Andersen.

"You know, like, Hans Christian Andersen."

Derry Girls

His mother was Danish. Do you think you could describe this Hans?

"His mother was Danish. Do you think you could describe this Hans?"

Derry Girls

Well, I could pick that arse out of a line-up.

"Well, I could pick that arse out of a line-up."

Derry Girls

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

Derry Girls

OK, before this goes any further, you're minors,

"OK, before this goes any further, you're minors,"

Derry Girls

we need to get a parent or a guardian down here, ASAP.

"we need to get a parent or a guardian down here, ASAP."

Derry Girls

Who would you like us to call?

"Who would you like us to call?"

Derry Girls

Can you just give us a minute?

"Can you just give us a minute?"

Derry Girls

We can't call my ma!

"We can't call my ma!"

Derry Girls

Well, we're not calling mine! Mine neither!

"Well, we're not calling mine! Mine neither!"

Derry Girls

Do not look at Orla, her ma is just an extension of my ma!

"Do not look at Orla, her ma is just an extension of my ma!"

Derry Girls

What about someone's dad? Das can't be trusted!

"What about someone's dad? Das can't be trusted!"

Derry Girls

Das are in the pockets of mas. It's true.

"Das are in the pockets of mas. It's true."

Derry Girls

Das are just Ma enablers.

"Das are just Ma enablers."

Derry Girls

Well, who, then?! Oh, God, there's nobody!

"Well, who, then?! Oh, God, there's nobody!"

Derry Girls

They'll just wear us down until we say we did it!

"They'll just wear us down until we say we did it!"

Derry Girls

We'll be forced to sign false confessions, there's no way out!

"We'll be forced to sign false confessions, there's no way out!"

Derry Girls

What if we wear them down first?

"What if we wear them down first?"

Derry Girls

How?

"How?"

Derry Girls

I know who we should call.

"I know who we should call."

Derry Girls

So, I says to myself, says I, Colm, who'd be ringing you at this hour?

"So, I says to myself, says I, Colm, who'd be ringing you at this hour?"

Derry Girls

And sure, if I hadn't been in the middle of a Maeve Binchy,

"And sure, if I hadn't been in the middle of a Maeve Binchy,"

Derry Girls

I'd have probably slept through the thing altogether.

"I'd have probably slept through the thing altogether."

Derry Girls

What was it we asked him? I can't remember, sir. Jesus.

"What was it we asked him? I can't remember, sir. Jesus."

Derry Girls

..I'm like a dead one.

"..I'm like a dead one."

Derry Girls

Mr McCool, if I could just...

"Mr McCool, if I could just..."

Derry Girls

Your nieces and their friends claim they saw the men

"Your nieces and their friends claim they saw the men"

Derry Girls

who carried out this burglary. We did see them.

"who carried out this burglary. We did see them."

Derry Girls

They've given us some rather vague descriptions. Hardly vague!

"They've given us some rather vague descriptions. Hardly vague!"

Derry Girls

I apologise, Miss Mallon, you did provide us

"I apologise, Miss Mallon, you did provide us"

Derry Girls

with quite specific details of the suspect's rear end.

"with quite specific details of the suspect's rear end."

Derry Girls

Apology accepted. We also gave you a name.

"Apology accepted. We also gave you a name."

Derry Girls

Nobody in Londonderry is called Hans, girls.

"Nobody in Londonderry is called Hans, girls."

Derry Girls

Well, you say that, now,

"Well, you say that, now,"

Derry Girls

but there's a young lad up in Pennyburn called Diego.

"but there's a young lad up in Pennyburn called Diego."

Derry Girls

Is this relevant? The mother, she's a Derry woman,

"Is this relevant? The mother, she's a Derry woman,"

Derry Girls

but the father, he was Spanish.

"but the father, he was Spanish."

Derry Girls

Though not on the scene, by all accounts.

"Though not on the scene, by all accounts."

Derry Girls

${\an1}Thank you, if we could just... KNOCK ON DOOR$

"{\an1}Thank you, if we could just... KNOCK ON DOOR"

Derry Girls

Alex, don't leave me.

"Alex, don't leave me."

Derry Girls

It's every man for himself, sir.

"It's every man for himself, sir."

Derry Girls

..Diego's father, this is, well, he came over with the Spanish Armada,

"..Diego's father, this is, well, he came over with the Spanish Armada,"

Derry Girls

then cleared off, leaving her to raise the wean on her own,

"then cleared off, leaving her to raise the wean on her own,"

Derry Girls

but that story didn't totally add up, was the thing.

"but that story didn't totally add up, was the thing."

Derry Girls

I need you to stop talking now.

"I need you to stop talking now."

Derry Girls

The problem being that the Spanish Armada landed here in 1588,

"The problem being that the Spanish Armada landed here in 1588,"

Derry Girls

and that the son, Diego, as she called him,

"and that the son, Diego, as she called him,"

Derry Girls

well, he was born more than four centuries later.

"well, he was born more than four centuries later."

Derry Girls

I will caution you. She made the whole thing up!

"I will caution you. She made the whole thing up!"

Derry Girls

As mad as a bag of cats, she was.

"As mad as a bag of cats, she was."

Derry Girls

Sir. And she had been clattering the wean in thon fake tan stuff,

"Sir. And she had been clattering the wean in thon fake tan stuff,"

Derry Girls

to make him more Spanish-y looking, you know?

"to make him more Spanish-y looking, you know?"

Derry Girls

There's a van matching the descriptions on CCTV.

"There's a van matching the descriptions on CCTV."

Derry Girls

Which how suspicions were raised, you see,

"Which how suspicions were raised, you see,"

Derry Girls

because there was a powerful whiff off the wee critter. That'll do.

"because there was a powerful whiff off the wee critter. That'll do."

Derry Girls

Thank you very much for your time.

"Thank you very much for your time."

Derry Girls

You've been a huge help.

"You've been a huge help."

Derry Girls

We'll take it from here.

"We'll take it from here."

Derry Girls

We can go?

"We can go?"

Derry Girls

Yes, please. Do, go, right now.

"Yes, please. Do, go, right now."

Derry Girls

And for the love of suffering Jesus, take him with ye.

"And for the love of suffering Jesus, take him with ye."

Derry Girls

Thank you, you're a legend, Colm, a legend!

"Thank you, you're a legend, Colm, a legend!"

Derry Girls

Thank you, Colm! Any time, weans! Any time at all!

"Thank you, Colm! Any time, weans! Any time at all!"

Derry Girls

Ah, Jim. What about ya?

"Ah, Jim. What about ya?"

Derry Girls

You remember Cara?

"You remember Cara?"

Derry Girls

Not your Kathleen's girl? Jesus, she's shot up!

"Not your Kathleen's girl? Jesus, she's shot up!"

Derry Girls

Aye, she's staying with me this week, so she is.

"Aye, she's staying with me this week, so she is."

Derry Girls

Past her bedtime, though, now. Wise up, Granda!

"Past her bedtime, though, now. Wise up, Granda!"

Derry Girls

Jim was wondering if we've seen Cara's rabbit, Da.

"Jim was wondering if we've seen Cara's rabbit, Da."

Derry Girls

Oh, dear Jesus. A rabbit?

"Oh, dear Jesus. A rabbit?"

Derry Girls

Yeah, Cara's rabbit went missing, Daddy.

"Yeah, Cara's rabbit went missing, Daddy."

Derry Girls

They were wondering if we might have seen it. Right.

"They were wondering if we might have seen it. Right."

Derry Girls

Cara was gonna take it a walk earlier, but the hutch was open,

"Cara was gonna take it a walk earlier, but the hutch was open,"

Derry Girls

and there was no sign of him.

"and there was no sign of him."

Derry Girls

She was gonna take it a walk?

"She was gonna take it a walk?"

Derry Girls

That's right. The rabbit? Aye, you're supposed to walk 'em, Mary.

"That's right. The rabbit? Aye, you're supposed to walk 'em, Mary."

Derry Girls

Really? Really.

"Really? Really."

Derry Girls

So, Seamus about, is he?

"So, Seamus about, is he?"

Derry Girls

What business have you with Seamus? Don't cover for him, Joe.

"What business have you with Seamus? Don't cover for him, Joe."

Derry Girls

I don't know what you mean.

"I don't know what you mean."

Derry Girls

He's still refusing to wear a bell, I hear.

"He's still refusing to wear a bell, I hear."

Derry Girls

What about it? People have been talking, Joe.

"What about it? People have been talking, Joe."

Derry Girls

People are concerned.

"People are concerned."

Derry Girls

The pigeons, the mice, that's how it starts.

"The pigeons, the mice, that's how it starts."

Derry Girls

Next thing you know, pets are disappearing.

"Next thing you know, pets are disappearing."

Derry Girls

Seamus didn't touch the rabbit!

"Seamus didn't touch the rabbit!"

Derry Girls

Well, if I find out any differently, Joe... You won't.

"Well, if I find out any differently, Joe... You won't."

Derry Girls

${\an1}I'm watching you. BELL TINKLES$

"{\an1}I'm watching you. BELL TINKLES"

Derry Girls

I'm watching all of yous.

"I'm watching all of yous."

Derry Girls

Come on, Cara, love.

"Come on, Cara, love."

Derry Girls

Right, we need to get that wean a new rabbit.

"Right, we need to get that wean a new rabbit."

Derry Girls

Well, what a great but ultimately uneventful evening.

"Well, what a great but ultimately uneventful evening."

Derry Girls

The robbery was my favourite part.

"The robbery was my favourite part."

Derry Girls

What?!

"What?!"

Derry Girls

Oh, sub-plot in Braveheart!

"Oh, sub-plot in Braveheart!"

Derry Girls

What did you guys get up to?

"What did you guys get up to?"

Derry Girls

Nothing! Nothing much. Nothing to report.

"Nothing! Nothing much. Nothing to report."

Derry Girls

Oh, what's this?

"Oh, what's this?"

Derry Girls

Fluffy who?

"Fluffy who?"

Derry Girls

Oh, thanks, love. I was looking for that.

"Oh, thanks, love. I was looking for that."

Derry Girls

They're all the rage, girls.

"They're all the rage, girls."

Derry Girls

${\an1}BELL TINKLES CAT MEOWS$

"{\an1}BELL TINKLES CAT MEOWS"

Derry Girls

Ah, don't look at me like that, you.

"Ah, don't look at me like that, you."

Derry Girls

I had no choice.

"I had no choice."

Derry Girls

${\an1}PUPILS CHATTER$

"{\an1}PUPILS CHATTER"

Derry Girls

Christ, this could not get any worse!

"Christ, this could not get any worse!"

Derry Girls

Straight As! Straight As!

"Straight As! Straight As!"

Derry Girls

I stand corrected!

"I stand corrected!"

Derry Girls

Should we say a wee prayer first, maybe?

"Should we say a wee prayer first, maybe?"

Derry Girls

Yeah, I'd say our lord is up there now, looking down on the world,

"Yeah, I'd say our lord is up there now, looking down on the world,"

Derry Girls

thinking the floods and the famine can wait,

"thinking the floods and the famine can wait,"

Derry Girls

for there is a child in Derry

"for there is a child in Derry"

Derry Girls

who needs me to magically alter the contents of an envelope.

"who needs me to magically alter the contents of an envelope."

Derry Girls

That's very good, Sister Michael, that's very funny!

"That's very good, Sister Michael, that's very funny!"

Derry Girls

Ach, don't be such a lick, Geraldine.

"Ach, don't be such a lick, Geraldine."

Derry Girls

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