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Clips from Abbott Elementary - Open House (S01E01)

"All right, all right."
Abbott Elementary
"Let me show you girls how it's really done, okay?"
Abbott Elementary
"Go ahead."
Abbott Elementary
"(rope thumping)"
Abbott Elementary
"Will you go?"
Abbott Elementary
"Uh, you messed up my concentration,"
Abbott Elementary
"so let me start over."
Abbott Elementary
"Recess is almost over."
Abbott Elementary
"School is almost over."
Abbott Elementary
"Okay, maybe if you guys weren't double-handed."
Abbott Elementary
"Maybe it's not me. Maybe it's you."
Abbott Elementary
"All right, here we go."
Abbott Elementary
"Ah!"
Abbott Elementary
"Jacob, that was my turn."
Abbott Elementary
"Down by the river where the green grass grows,"
Abbott Elementary
"there sat Janine sweet as a rose."
Abbott Elementary
"Along came Jacob, doing double dutch."
Abbott Elementary
"Janine's on the sidelines. Jealous much?"
Abbott Elementary
"Wow. I'm good. Huh."
Abbott Elementary
"(Maker's "Hold'em" playing)"
Abbott Elementary
"♪"
Abbott Elementary
"Okay, we're all set. The food's been ordered."
Abbott Elementary
"It's gonna get here right in time for the Open House."
Abbott Elementary
"- All right. - JACOB: And if we really"
Abbott Elementary
"want to get crazy, I've got my travel Scrabble."
Abbott Elementary
"I always keep it on my person."
Abbott Elementary
"Are we gonna have to spend time"
Abbott Elementary
"talking to the parents at the Open House?"
Abbott Elementary
"(laughter)"
Abbott Elementary
"I forgot -- this is your first Open House."
Abbott Elementary
"Oh!"
Abbott Elementary
"Oh, he's so young. It's adorable."
Abbott Elementary
"(laughs)"
Abbott Elementary
"I mean, old and dignified."
Abbott Elementary
"(chuckles)"
Abbott Elementary
"Today, after school, we have our annual Open House."
Abbott Elementary
"Parents and anyone in the neighborhood"
Abbott Elementary
"are invited to attend."
Abbott Elementary
"But people in this community are busy working,"
Abbott Elementary
"or they just don't show up."
Abbott Elementary
"You taking the bar?"
Abbott Elementary
"What's with all the studying?"
Abbott Elementary
"Oh, this is a make-or-break Open House for me."
Abbott Elementary
"If you don't make yourself relax, you will break."
Abbott Elementary
"Hardly anybody ever comes."
Abbott Elementary
"No, I know. I just have this student, Nina,"
Abbott Elementary
"and she's been struggling,"
Abbott Elementary
"and I haven't been able to connect with her mom,"
Abbott Elementary
"and this is my one chance to talk to her"
Abbott Elementary
"because she promised she'll be here tonight,"
Abbott Elementary
"so it has to go perfect."
Abbott Elementary
"What's your resting heart rate?"
Abbott Elementary
"- Around 75. - Mm."
Abbott Elementary
"What are you, a hummingbird?"
Abbott Elementary
"No, it's just -- I know what it's like to be a child"
Abbott Elementary
"at one of those pivotal moments, and, uh..."
Abbott Elementary
"You know, parents should be involved."
Abbott Elementary
"But what are you afraid she's gonna end up like?"
Abbott Elementary
"♪ I got the sounds for your ass, and it's easy to see ♪"
Abbott Elementary
"♪ That this DJ be Ava C! ♪"
Abbott Elementary
"I'm DJ'ing the Open House!"
Abbott Elementary
"DJ A-V-A!"
Abbott Elementary
"Whatever."
Abbott Elementary
"The superintendent is coming."
Abbott Elementary
"Don't you think you should act more like..."
Abbott Elementary
"you know, a...principal?"
Abbott Elementary
"Yeah, well, if the superintendent"
Abbott Elementary
"has notes for me, I got a note for him --"
Abbott Elementary
"don't let me catch you cheating on your wife."
Abbott Elementary
"- (laughs) - What are you talking about?"
Abbott Elementary
"Oh, you don't know?"
Abbott Elementary
"I caught him with the Deaconess. That's how I got this job."
Abbott Elementary
"He thought he could get away with a thot,"
Abbott Elementary
"but he thought wrong."
Abbott Elementary
"That's a tongue twister."
Abbott Elementary
"Wait. Are you saying --"
Abbott Elementary
"That that man is in my pocket"
Abbott Elementary
"- like Jay- - Z after the elevator."
Abbott Elementary
"(laughs) I'ma go set up."
Abbott Elementary
"Y'all got any requests,"
Abbott Elementary
"ask your mama, 'cause I don't take requests."
Abbott Elementary
"GREGORY: I applied for the principal job here."
Abbott Elementary
"I studied for it. I majored in it."
Abbott Elementary
"I did everything right,"
Abbott Elementary
"but I didn't get the job because Ava..."
Abbott Elementary
"blackmailed the superintendent!"
Abbott Elementary
"(school bell rings)"
Abbott Elementary
"(children chattering)"
Abbott Elementary
"JANINE: I'm not sure when Nina's mom is coming, uh,"
Abbott Elementary
"but I'm starting to get a little anxious."
Abbott Elementary
"This has to go well."
Abbott Elementary
"So, just in case, I'm gonna go see Barbara"
Abbott Elementary
"to rehearse what I have to say."
Abbott Elementary
"Barbara is my mentor."
Abbott Elementary
"And you know what? She's kind of like my mom."
Abbott Elementary
"She's my momtor."
Abbott Elementary
"Hey, Barbara."
Abbott Elementary
"There you are."
Abbott Elementary
"I have been looking forward to seeing you all day."
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"Wow. This is my dream. (chuckles)"
Abbott Elementary
"- Oh. - (chuckles)"
Abbott Elementary
"Mm! (chuckles)"
Abbott Elementary
"- Nope. Hugs -- parties of two. - Oh! (chuckles)"
Abbott Elementary
"Um, Janine, I'd like you to meet my daughter."
Abbott Elementary
"- Hi. I'm Taylor. - (chuckles)"
Abbott Elementary
"Oh, Janine teaches the second grade,"
Abbott Elementary
"and the kids absolutely love her."
Abbott Elementary
"Mm. (chuckles) Yeah, wow."
Abbott Elementary
"It's so nice to meet you. You're so lucky."
Abbott Elementary
"Your mom is a saint."
Abbott Elementary
"- So I've heard. - (chuckles)"
Abbott Elementary
"Taylor's visiting from New York,"
Abbott Elementary
"and since Open House is usually so long and sparsely attended,"
Abbott Elementary
"I invited her to keep me company."
Abbott Elementary
"Oh, wow! New York."
Abbott Elementary
"You know, last time I was there,"
Abbott Elementary
"I was shopping on Canal Street, and I see this huge rat."
Abbott Elementary
"So I pull out my phone to take a picture of it,"
Abbott Elementary
"but then this flying piece of garbage"
Abbott Elementary
"just smacks me in the face,"
Abbott Elementary
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