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Clips from Avenue 5 - Wait a Minute, Then Who Was That on the Ladder? (S01E01)

"That is brilliant! You see, that is exactly the sort of idea"
Avenue 5
"I should've had if I weren't a complete fraud."
Avenue 5
"(LAUGHTER)"
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"We could tell them exactly what to say."
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"So, you wouldn't have Nadia sitting there like,"
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"(FRENCH ACCENT) "I'm Nadia, and I'm nominal.""
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"(GIGGLES) "And the systems are nominal." (GIGGLES)"
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"(DANISH ACCENT) Oh, hey, my name is Mads, and I am from"
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"-Spain or somewhere. -(LAUGHTER)"
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Uh, hi, my name is Ryan,"
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"and I'm a captain and an alcoholic."
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"(LAUGHTER AND GASPING)"
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"Uh, that's-- that's-- that's actually not true."
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"I'm not a captain."
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"One of my prized possessions."
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"First edition of Billy McFarland's book."
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"This was way before he became head of the FBI."
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"Here are the skulls of all four Beatles."
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"All signed. Not by them, obviously."
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"That would be impossible. I signed them."
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"This is how it all began. This is when I had my big idea."
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"This is... not the original. I threw that one out."
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"So, I'd better go and have another drink now."
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"One of Judd's "my parents never loved me" parties."
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"(LAUGHTER)"
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"-Fly safe! -Fly drunk!"
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"(CHUCKLING) How do you do it? I thought they'd hate you."
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"If it's any consolation, I hate me."
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"So, what does your husband do?"
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"He's dead. He died in a fire three months ago."
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"Oh, right, right. The widow. Uh, we-- we've mingled already."
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"No weather in space. Right?"
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"Makes it hard to talk about the weather,"
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"which I'm kind of illustrating."
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand the nature of what you are."
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"Yeah, my nature is currently evolving. Look at this. Look."
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"(AMERICAN ACCENT) Anybody order a captain?"
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"-Judd champagne? -Thank you."
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"Have you seen Mr. Judd's skulls of the four Beatles?"
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Four Beatles? John Lennon was cremated, wasn't he?"
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"All right, keep that to yourself."
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"I think one of the skulls is actually Micky Dolenz."
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"Oh, that is just pure arse juice."
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"I don't believe we've had the pleasure. Herman Judd."
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"Oh! Karen Kelly."
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"Ah! Great. Your, uh, nails are very long and very sharp."
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"Thank you! I've been practicing my handshake since grade school."
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"-Did she break the skin? -No."
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"Okay, good. I like you. You know how to handle people."
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"Basically a cattle prod in a dress."
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"Enjoying your wine, captain?"
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"JUDD: Mm!"
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"Now, Karen, putting your passenger hat on for a second,"
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"what more can Iris be doing?"
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"Well, there's quite a divide between staff and passengers."
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"-Mm. -Is that really Gone Girl on an original Kindle?"
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"Sorry, not now. We're talking."
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"This is a restricted conversational area. Thank you."
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"So, I would suggest, I don't know, maybe a photo?"
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"Everyone together, you know, laughing, hitting it off."
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"-Maybe on the bridge! -(IRIS LAUGHS)"
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"-That's a shitty idea. -I love this idea."
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"-As in, that idea is the shit! -So, we're all agreed"
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"that-- that Karen's idea is very much the shit."
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"Claw lady's on to something."
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"We show the people of Earth a moment of unity."
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"We have another slingshot moment coming up"
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"in less than an hour, around Enceladus."
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"This is perfect. We get a bunch of passengers on the bridge,"
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"get some Mr. Average"
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"to push that fake button we have for the kids."
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Why would you put that idea into his head?"
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"If you could have put anything in there,"
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"why not general anesthetic?"
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"What is your problem, you big whinebag?"
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"Well, things on the bridge..."
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"Ah, it's a little fluid right now."
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"Yeah, tell me about it. You're at 85 percent fluid."
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"Look, you're always saying the crew are so professional."
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"Yeah, I say a lot of things that are shit."
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"-Don't you notice that? -Yeah."
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"Enceladus is-- it's-- I don't like it, as a moon."
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"All right, you middle-aged fuck buddies, here's the deal."
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"Iris just sent word for it to be announced ship-wide."
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"(SIGHS) Arse!"
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"Now, where are we at with the button-pusher?"
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"Mr. Average."
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"Hey, sweetie. I have your purse."
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"Oh, hi, honey. Thank you."
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"Captain, Mr. Judd. Guys. Can I join the party? (LAUGHS)"
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"-(KAREN CHUCKLES) -JUDD: He'll do."
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"I feel like I'm the prom queen or something."
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"Drunk on cheap wine, I'm ready to lose my virginity."
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"(LAUGHS) Yeah!"
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"And I would deflower you in a second!"
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"I am so proud of you, Frank!"
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"JUDD: Okay, so you'll hit the button, "Yay,""
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"cheering, cheering, cheering, moon-sling,"
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"and then everybody drinks a beer"
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"except for Iris. Iris is on duty."
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"(INDISTINCT CHATTER)"
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"You know, it was kinda nice, earlier,"
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"to talk, you know, like people, not barking like dogs."
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"-Assholes. (LAUGHS) -(LAUGHS) Yeah."
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"-Excuse me. -WAITER: Hi."
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"Yes, I'd love a tiramisu."
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"Oh, you know what, tiramisu me up too, buddy!"
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"Ah, I'm afraid there's only one left."
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"So, for the next however long, we're out of tiramisu?"
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"-Yeah. -Oh, my God, this is big."
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"-I'd better get it, then. -You'd better get it."
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"To share, Doug! For us!"
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"Mm. Quote, you were here, "I better get it then.""
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"Not "us.""
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"Well, "Us better get it" isn't a sentence, Doug!"
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"God. Take that tiramisu and shove it right up your ass."
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"You know what? Tira-me-su! (LAUGHS) Please."
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"But not up my asshole. You can just put it right here on the table."
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"(PIPE VIBRATES, THUDS)"
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"JUDD: Hey there. So, um..."
Avenue 5
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