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Clips from Seinfeld - The Conversion (S05E05)

"Enigmatic?"
Seinfeld
"- Vast? - No, not vast."
Seinfeld
"Well, whatever it is, basically you like the religion."
Seinfeld
"- Yes. - Is there one aspect of the faith..."
Seinfeld
"...you find particularly attractive?"
Seinfeld
"I think the hats."
Seinfeld
"The hat conveys that solemn religious look you want in a faith."
Seinfeld
"Very pious."
Seinfeld
"Are you familiar with Orthodox theology?"
Seinfeld
"Well, perhaps not to the extent that you are, but..."
Seinfeld
"But I know the basic plot, yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Plot? - Yes, you know, the flood..."
Seinfeld
"...and the lepers and the commandments and all that."
Seinfeld
"Well, it's obvious you are sincere in your desire."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yes, I am, Father. Incredibly sincere."
Seinfeld
"So..."
Seinfeld
"...am I in?"
Seinfeld
"The first step would be to familiarize yourself..."
Seinfeld
"...with these texts."
Seinfeld
"You see, Father, I'm incredibly anxious to become a member."
Seinfeld
"Don't you offer any kind of an express conversion?"
Seinfeld
"A quick change?"
Seinfeld
"Yes?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, I'm sorry. Father, there's a man waiting in the chapel."
Seinfeld
"Well, you may attend to it, Sister."
Seinfeld
"This is George Costanza. He is interested in joining the Church."
Seinfeld
"Are you? Well, that's wonderful."
Seinfeld
"- Well, good luck to you. - Thank you."
Seinfeld
"Nice nun."
Seinfeld
"No, no. Sister Roberta is not a nun."
Seinfeld
"She is what we call a novice."
Seinfeld
"She won't be taking her final vows until next Thursday."
Seinfeld
"May I help you?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. I'm here to pick up my friend, George Costanza."
Seinfeld
"- Well, he's in with the Father. - Oh, yeah."
Seinfeld
"- I'm Sister Roberta. - Oh, Kramer, yeah. It's a pleasure."
Seinfeld
"Mine."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe how easy it is. I'm virtually Orthodox."
Seinfeld
"All I have to do is read a few books, memorize a few prayers..."
Seinfeld
"...and I'm in the club."
Seinfeld
"- That's all there is to it? - That's all there is to it."
Seinfeld
"By Christmas Day, I will be Brother Costanza."
Seinfeld
"And what is Brother Costanza planning on telling Mother Costanza?"
Seinfeld
"Brother Costanza will be taking the vow of silence."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Hey."
Seinfeld
"Oh, a Slinky."
Seinfeld
"- Sister Roberta gave it to me. - Why'd she give you that?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I think she liked me."
Seinfeld
"- What do you mean, she liked you? - Liked me."
Seinfeld
"Kramer, they like everybody. They're friendly people."
Seinfeld
"I think I picked up on a vibe."
Seinfeld
"- You picked up on a vibe from a nun. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, I'm telling you, I have this power..."
Seinfeld
"...and I have no control over it."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. All right."
Seinfeld
"That's my phone."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, hi. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"Just wanted to stop by and see how you were feeling."
Seinfeld
"A little better."
Seinfeld
"Okay. If you need anything, let me know."
Seinfeld
"- Okay. All right. - Okay."
Seinfeld
"- Bye. - Bye."
Seinfeld
"Story."
Seinfeld
"She's subletting Carol's place for a month."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. She likes you. - Yeah. But there's a problem."
Seinfeld
"I found a tube of a fungicide in her medicine cabinet."
Seinfeld
"- So? - So I don't know why she's using it."
Seinfeld
"How do you even know it's hers? Maybe it belonged to Carol."
Seinfeld
"- Did you see a name on the tube? - I didn't look."
Seinfeld
"Well, take a look. It might not even belong to her."
Seinfeld
"People always leave things in medicine cabinets."
Seinfeld
"I got this old bottle of cough medicine."
Seinfeld
"I still have Brylcreem."
Seinfeld
"- Hi. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"- Could I use your bathroom? - My bathroom?"
Seinfeld
"- You sure you don't mind? - Oh, of course not."
Seinfeld
"People ask me medical questions all the time."
Seinfeld
"Well, I mean, the question isn't even for me, actually."
Seinfeld
"- It's for a friend. - Elaine, I'm used to it."
Seinfeld
"- I'm a doctor. - Well..."
Seinfeld
"...podiatrist."
Seinfeld
"No, no. I'm just saying, you didn't really go to medical school."
Seinfeld
"You went to podiatry school..."
Seinfeld
"...which I'm sure is very grueling in its own way."
Seinfeld
"I went to podiatry school because I like feet."
Seinfeld
"I chose to work with feet."
Seinfeld
"- I like feet too. I'm just saying- - Saying what?"
Seinfeld
"- How you doing in there? - Fine. All done."
Seinfeld
"- Just looking for the soap. - No soap?"
Seinfeld
"No, I don't see it."
Seinfeld
"Here you go."
Seinfeld
"George? What are you doing in there?"
Seinfeld
"What? Nothing."
Seinfeld
"- You've been in there an hour. - You don't feel well?"
Seinfeld
"- I'm fine. - I want to know..."
Seinfeld
"- ...what you're doing in there. - Nothing."
Seinfeld
"- George, open the door. - No."
Seinfeld
"- Georgie. - No!"
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Good evening."
Seinfeld
"I hope I'm not disturbing you..."
Seinfeld
"...but I found another toy I thought you might like."
Seinfeld
"Okay. Latvius was the son of which apostle?"
Seinfeld
"And I'll need that in the form of a question."
Seinfeld
"I don't know. I can't believe they're making me take this test."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, did you talk to the doctor? - No."
Seinfeld
"All right, the next time you see him, show him this."
Seinfeld
"- You took her medicine. - Well, not on purpose. I was-"
Seinfeld
"I was hoping there'd be a name on the tube."
Seinfeld
"- When are you seeing him again? - I don't know. We got into this thing..."
Seinfeld
"...about how podiatrists aren't real doctors."
Seinfeld
"How could you say that?"
Seinfeld
"That's your fault. You just got me thinking."
Seinfeld
"I was merely speaking extemporaneously."
Seinfeld
"I've got nothing against the foot. I'm pro-foot."
Seinfeld
"Me too."
Seinfeld
"- Do you think I should apologize? - Yes. He's a doctor."
Seinfeld
"Wait a second."
Seinfeld
"- What are you doing? - What does it look like I'm doing?"
Seinfeld
""Matthew. Luke."
Seinfeld
"Paul.""
Seinfeld
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