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Clips from Weeds - The Two Mrs. Scottsons (S03E03)

"- Cut! - Ow, ow, ow!"
Weeds
"Well, if it isn't the Music Man of Majestic."
Weeds
"My partner in altruistic bullshit."
Weeds
"How are you this afternoon, Councilwoman?"
Weeds
"Smiling."
Weeds
"- You got my gift? - Not why I'm smiling."
Weeds
"But, yes, I did."
Weeds
"Piece of advice."
Weeds
"Never send a woman a dress she might not fit into."
Weeds
"- Did you try it on? - It's a size 2."
Weeds
"Flattering and annoying at the same time."
Weeds
"I thought your breasts would look good in red."
Weeds
"Well, it's a nice thought."
Weeds
"Listen, I want to see you."
Weeds
"Wear whatever dress you want, or no dress at all."
Weeds
"I'm almost divorced."
Weeds
"Mazel tov."
Weeds
"Would you like to help me celebrate?"
Weeds
"You know where I live."
Weeds
"I do. I do, indeed. See you, Councilwoman."
Weeds
"- Sure you want to do this? - Yeah."
Weeds
"All right, hold it up to your mouth, and I'll light it."
Weeds
"- How is it? - It's..."
Weeds
"- It's kind of gross. - Do you feel anything different?"
Weeds
"I feel like I want to brush my teeth."
Weeds
"- Maybe it's bad shit. - But my dad gets it from your mom."
Weeds
"You know my mom's a drug dealer?"
Weeds
"I saw her come over once."
Weeds
"I didn't tell anyone."
Weeds
"I won't tell anyone."
Weeds
"Thanks."
Weeds
"- You gonna try it? - Yeah."
Weeds
"This is that moment where I finally become cool, right?"
Weeds
"No. Just stoned."
Weeds
"Stop it, stop it!"
Weeds
"Stop it!"
Weeds
"That's very funny, Tim. Open the door."
Weeds
"Open the fucking door! OK."
Weeds
"No, look, please."
Weeds
"You don't talk to me. You can't talk to me."
Weeds
"That's my fault, too."
Weeds
"Tim! Jesus!"
Weeds
"Oh, my God, are you OK?"
Weeds
"- Your kid's not OK! - I'm so sorry."
Weeds
"Get some help for him!"
Weeds
"- Is it OK if I have one of your cigarettes? - It's OK if you help your kid!"
Weeds
"- I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. - Yeah, you say that all the time!"
Weeds
"No, hey, hey, I have the money."
Weeds
"I just went in to get a quarter. Hello?"
Weeds
"You know what? Fuck you, OK? Fuck you!"
Weeds
"Thanks. That was my first boob."
Weeds
"How was it?"
Weeds
"Good."
Weeds
"Do you want to touch my, you know..."
Weeds
"Not really into penises."
Weeds
"- Why haven't we ever hung out before? - I don't know."
Weeds
"My mom hates your mom?"
Weeds
"I think my mom's secretly in love with your mom."
Weeds
"I think my dad loved me more than my mom does."
Weeds
"My mom's a bitch."
Weeds
"But I miss her. I don't know why."
Weeds
"Do you feel stoned?"
Weeds
"I guess."
Weeds
"- I don't see what the big deal is. - Yeah."
Weeds
"I prefer beer."
Weeds
"I prefer touching your boob."
Weeds
"You want to make a buy?"
Weeds
"I said, would you like to make a buy?"
Weeds
"All right, let's... Let's just cut."
Weeds
"Cut!"
Weeds
"You did great, kid. You really did. Come on up."
Weeds
"You got your foot in the door. Or, in this case, your foot in Jessica."
Weeds
"- Hey, go get Lex. - Wait, wait, wait. That's it?"
Weeds
"Thanks for the foot, warm up the hot dogs?"
Weeds
"- I've been working all day. - What do you want, a medal?"
Weeds
"It's a job. And, yeah, go warm up the hot dogs."
Weeds
"Well, that's bullshit."
Weeds
"Hey, I'm talking to you, Paul St. Moritz!"
Weeds
"I always stood up for pornography."
Weeds
"I believed in it. I thought it provided an essential service."
Weeds
"Light up a young person's imagination,"
Weeds
"help a sexless marriage, keep a predator off the street!"
Weeds
"I thought porn was magical. Now, I see it for what it really is."
Weeds
"It's a flesh factory and we are all slabs of meat."
Weeds
"Lex here is not an unbelievably enormous dick."
Weeds
"And I'm not a foot."
Weeds
"- You're not a foot, Andy. - Thanks, Lex. We're human beings."
Weeds
"I gave you my something special, and you ate it."
Weeds
"You took something beautiful, like Jessica's vagina,"
Weeds
"and you made it just a place to put a foot."
Weeds
"You need to do some soul-searching, my friend."
Weeds
"This whole industry does."
Weeds
"It exploits, it dehumanises, it degrades men."
Weeds
"- Everybody back to one. - Back to one!"
Weeds
"This is from Nancy."
Weeds
"- First time I ever took a cheque. - She said she wants her fountain."
Weeds
"Conrad!"
Weeds
"- And what's your name? - Judah."
Weeds
"And this is..."
Weeds
"- Sunshine. - Is that right?"
Weeds
"Well, Mr. Judah, Ms. Sunshine,"
Weeds
"you tell the City of Agrestic we're impressed."
Weeds
"And you tell Nancy, if this cheque bounces,"
Weeds
"- She better start running. - I'll do that."
Weeds
"Stop."
Weeds
"- I want to, but I can't. - Stop."
Weeds
"I have cancer. I had cancer."
Weeds
"They cut them off."
Weeds
"These are..."
Weeds
"spare parts."
Weeds
"I don't care."
Weeds
"- No, I need to leave my top on. - Celia Hodes,"
Weeds
"you're a smart, ambitious, sexy woman."
Weeds
"I'm embarrassed."
Weeds
"I haven't gotten hard on my own for two years."
Weeds
"- I've been popping magical boner pills. - Magical boner pills?"
Weeds
"Yeah."
Weeds
"I took one in your driveway half an hour ago."
Weeds
"Do you like my penis any less?"
Weeds
"No. No, I don't."
Weeds
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