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Clips from Weeds - Van Nuys (S05E05)

"Previously on Weeds:"
Weeds
"Well, how about moving into my house?"
Weeds
"-There's room for the boys. -Did you ask me to live with you?"
Weeds
"We're going to Denmark."
Weeds
"Mexican mafia's not gonna find us in Copenhagen."
Weeds
"-Mr. Sandusky. -I need some pot."
Weeds
"-How much can you spend? -Four grand."
Weeds
"Get in. We'll settle up."
Weeds
"Wow, to be you."
Weeds
"-What kind of business you got? -Medical marijuana."
Weeds
"-We're in business. Partner. -Partner."
Weeds
"-Partners. -Faggots."
Weeds
"A hundred and eighty-six thousand, four hundred and thirty-seven ninety-six?"
Weeds
"Go out with me, and I'll get you into that account."
Weeds
"Only it has to be as Judah. You're Judah, and I'm me."
Weeds
"Well, there's nothing weird about that."
Weeds
"You remember Sucio. He will watch you now."
Weeds
"-Where is Sucio? -He's missing. There was blood."
Weeds
"You have to choose, Nancy. Who's it gonna be?"
Weeds
"I'm not ready to be fucking Zen about who lives or dies."
Weeds
"We chose this life. For you, for me, for our son."
Weeds
"There is nothing I will not do to protect that life."
Weeds
"-Can you smell that? -The one thing about women..."
Weeds
"-...that terrifies me above everything-- -How can she eat that?"
Weeds
"--the fact that your periods sync up."
Weeds
"It's not even food. It's just nitrates and fillers and--"
Weeds
"-So freaky and wolfish. -What's a filler?"
Weeds
"I bet you're an alpha she-wolf, Nance."
Weeds
"I bet all women in your orbit snap to your cycle. It's terrifying."
Weeds
"Excuse me. I'm not in the habit of butting in..."
Weeds
"...but those can't be the best for your baby."
Weeds
"Well, it's not a baby yet, and I'm not keeping it."
Weeds
"An abobo, huh? Hoover town? We used to call it "going to Van Nuys.""
Weeds
"-Andy. -The place we'd go was in Van Nuys."
Weeds
"Sorry to have bothered you."
Weeds
"I've gone to Van Nuys five times. It's no big deal. For me."
Weeds
"The ladies tended to get a little weepy."
Weeds
"Except for Deirdre."
Weeds
"But I found out later she had Asperger's."
Weeds
"-Five? -My point is this:"
Weeds
"Science."
Weeds
"I haven't seen you since the first ultrasound. How are you?"
Weeds
"I've been nauseous. It's my sense of smell."
Weeds
"-Bionic, huh? -I could be a superhero."
Weeds
"One of the miraculous weirdnesses of pregnancy."
Weeds
"Mostly I smell..."
Weeds
"...the bad things. I'm surrounded by men."
Weeds
"I breathe through my mouth so much my lips chap. I'm fine, really."
Weeds
"-So you do abortions too, right? -Yes."
Weeds
"-So how late is too late? -Well, you still have some time."
Weeds
"Is this something you're seriously considering?"
Weeds
"I don't know. No."
Weeds
"I'll think about it."
Weeds
"Well, everything looks fine."
Weeds
"Try to find an oasis. Create one if you have to."
Weeds
"And I would surround myself with nice smells."
Weeds
"-What, like flowers? -I was thinking pancakes."
Weeds
"But flowers too, yes. Herbs maybe."
Weeds
"Would you like me to make you another appointment?"
Weeds
"-For a follow-up? -For whatever you decide."
Weeds
"Fuck-o! Cock-breath! Asshole!"
Weeds
"Dickhead. Shit-brain. Man-cunt."
Weeds
"Angry, rich white children. You're rich and white. Why so angry?"
Weeds
"Shane got jacked for his weed. I just like seeing shit break."
Weeds
""Jacked"?"
Weeds
"-Ripped off. Much pot, no pay. -By his English teacher."
Weeds
"So, what you going to do about it?"
Weeds
"Overpopulation. Hive collapse."
Weeds
"-Credit default swaps. -Lavender."
Weeds
"-Somali pirates. -What's this one?"
Weeds
"-North Korean nukes. -Rich herb."
Weeds
"-Lovely. -Mexican drug-lord gangster politicians."
Weeds
"-Gold oregano. -American Idol."
Weeds
"Did you know that this baby has a one-in-five chance of being autistic?"
Weeds
"Why did I buy marjoram?"
Weeds
"And I'm not talking the fun card-counting-savant kind either."
Weeds
"I'm talking zombie-eyes, soothe-rocking, behelmeted."
Weeds
"What do you think of coriander?"
Weeds
"I think nothing of coriander. Although, it's nice in a curry."
Weeds
"You have to get rid of this baby."
Weeds
"-No, I don't. -Flush it. Listen."
Weeds
"I'm coming into some money."
Weeds
"We'll run, get a fresh start."
Weeds
"These are very dark waters you're swimming in, even for you."
Weeds
"-What are you doing with all this stuff? -I wanna plant things."
Weeds
"And they'll bloom and flourish and smell good..."
Weeds
"...and maybe the moods will rise and the dark waters will clear."
Weeds
"-Money, bricks of it-- -I don't wanna hear it."
Weeds
"Hey, I don't wanna tell you."
Weeds
"Gophers and bunnies are gonna eat your plants."
Weeds
"I'll build a fence."
Weeds
"Yeah, well, maybe the gopher's already inside, huh?"
Weeds
"-Just waiting and growing. -Hey."
Weeds
"-Shut up. -Sucking the nutrients from your soil."
Weeds
"-Shut up. -You gotta abort that gopher, Nance."
Weeds
"-How's the sample? -Sucks. Total ditch weed."
Weeds
"We only have three good strains, and I'm out of contacts. We're fucked."
Weeds
"Well, that is a pickle."
Weeds
"You should go see the Wizard."
Weeds
"-Who? -Buddy of mine from high school."
Weeds
"Dropped out, went into real estate, market tanked, now he's a pot agent."
Weeds
"-Pot growers have agents? -Oh, sure."
Weeds
"Growers are usually too stoned to do math."
Weeds
"-That's true. Math is hard. -I'll set up a meeting for you, Si."
Weeds
"Me too, me too. I want the hookup for the meeting and the buying."
Weeds
"-Negotiations can be tricky, Doug. -Fuck off. I'm a master negotiator."
Weeds
"Besides, you can't negotiate. No one's gonna take a blond man seriously."
Weeds
"Hooked. Hooked. Hooked."
Weeds
"Hello?"
Weeds
"Who's there?"
Weeds
"-I have a gun. -Don't shoot. Me."
Weeds
"-Liar. You don't have a gun. -You're squatting in my garage?"
Weeds
"I have nowhere to go. My family is in ruins. Shards, Nancy."
Weeds
"They left me to rot in Mexico."
Weeds
"-Get out of my life. -Cancer."
Weeds
"Loss of station. Loss of tooth."
Weeds
"-You threw away my tooth. -Get out of my life."
Weeds
"I just lose and lose and lose, and you have everything."
Weeds
"-Get out of my life. -Oh, and now a baby."
Weeds
"A Mexican baby, but still."
Weeds
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