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Clips from Seinfeld - The Sniffing Accountant (S05E05)

"Well, you notice anything?"
Seinfeld
"You have cleaned up the whole apartment..."
Seinfeld
"...and you're making dinner. You're perfect."
Seinfeld
"You're a perfect man."
Seinfeld
"- Did anyone call? - You got a few messages."
Seinfeld
"- I wrote them down. - Where are they?"
Seinfeld
"Let's see, they are... Here they are."
Seinfeld
"Thank you."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah. I'll call you back."
Seinfeld
"Forget that- Myra had the baby!"
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God. That's wonderful."
Seinfeld
"- Who called? - She did."
Seinfeld
"She did? Oh, that's so great."
Seinfeld
"- Where do you keep the corkscrew? - It's in the drawer on the right."
Seinfeld
"What?"
Seinfeld
"No, it's nothing."
Seinfeld
"- No, what is it? - It's nothing."
Seinfeld
"Tell me."
Seinfeld
"Well, I was just curious why you didn't use an exclamation point."
Seinfeld
"What are you talking about?"
Seinfeld
"Well, see right here? You wrote, "Myra had the baby.""
Seinfeld
"But you didn't use an exclamation point."
Seinfeld
"So?"
Seinfeld
"So it's - Yeah, it's nothing. Forget it. Forget it."
Seinfeld
"You know, I just found it curious."
Seinfeld
"Wait, what's so curious about it?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I mean, if one of your close friends had a baby..."
Seinfeld
"...and I left you a message about it, I would use an exclamation point."
Seinfeld
"Well, maybe I don't use my exclamation points..."
Seinfeld
"...as haphazardly as you do."
Seinfeld
"You don't think that someone having a baby..."
Seinfeld
"...warrants an exclamation point?"
Seinfeld
"Hey, look, I just jotted down the message."
Seinfeld
"I didn't know that I was required to capture the mood of each caller."
Seinfeld
"Well, I just thought you'd be a little more excited about a friend of mine..."
Seinfeld
"- ...having a baby. - Okay, I'm excited."
Seinfeld
"I just don't happen to like exclamation points."
Seinfeld
"Well, Jake, you should learn to use them."
Seinfeld
"Like, the way I'm talking now, I'd put exclamation points..."
Seinfeld
"...on the ends all of these sentences! On this one! And on that one!"
Seinfeld
"Well, you can put one on this one:"
Seinfeld
"I'm leaving!"
Seinfeld
"- You're out of your mind. - Why?"
Seinfeld
"It's an exclamation point."
Seinfeld
"- It's a line with a dot under it. - Well, I felt it called for one."
Seinfeld
""Called for one. " I thought I'd heard of everything."
Seinfeld
"I never heard of a relationship being affected by punctuation."
Seinfeld
"I found it very troubling that he didn't use one."
Seinfeld
"George is right. Didn't take you long."
Seinfeld
"Anything new with that guy on drugs?"
Seinfeld
"He's not on drugs."
Seinfeld
"Then why the sniffing? Who walks around... sniffing?"
Seinfeld
"All right, here. You call him right now, okay?"
Seinfeld
"- See if he's sniffing right now. - Good idea."
Seinfeld
"- Prophet and Goldstein. - Yes, Barry Prophet, please."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry, he's out of town this week."
Seinfeld
"- Out of town? - Yes. He went to South America."
Seinfeld
"- South America? - South America?"
Seinfeld
"I'll call back. Thank you."
Seinfeld
"- He went to South America. - Yeah!"
Seinfeld
"So what?"
Seinfeld
"- Who goes to South America? - People go to South America."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, and they come back with things taped to their large intestine."
Seinfeld
"So because of a few bad apples..."
Seinfeld
"...you're gonna impugn an entire continent?"
Seinfeld
"Yes, I'm impugning a continent."
Seinfeld
"Well, I say we go and get our money right now."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. Hey. - Hello, Newman."
Seinfeld
"Hello, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"So any news?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, he skipped out and... went to South America."
Seinfeld
"South America?!"
Seinfeld
"What kind of snow blower did you get us mixed up with?"
Seinfeld
"Okay, gentlemen, the fact remains you still have no proof."
Seinfeld
"This is all speculation and hearsay."
Seinfeld
"Wait. There's one way to find out. We set up a sting."
Seinfeld
"You know, like Abscam. Like Abscam, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"What are you gonna do?"
Seinfeld
"You gonna put on phony beards and dress up like Arab sheiks..."
Seinfeld
"...and sit around in some hotel room?"
Seinfeld
"- I mean, come on. - Wait a second."
Seinfeld
"Maybe there is a way to tempt him and find out."
Seinfeld
"If we put our three heads together, we should come up with something."
Seinfeld
"- What's today? - It's Thursday."
Seinfeld
"Really?"
Seinfeld
"Feels like Tuesday."
Seinfeld
"Tuesday has no feel."
Seinfeld
"Monday has a feel."
Seinfeld
"Friday has a feel."
Seinfeld
"Sunday has a feel."
Seinfeld
"- I feel Tuesday and Wednesday. - Shut up, the both of you."
Seinfeld
"You're making me nervous."
Seinfeld
"Where is he already? He should've been out of work by now."
Seinfeld
"Hey, this is kind of fun."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Maybe we ought to become private detectives."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, maybe you should."
Seinfeld
"- Maybe I will. - Yeah, me too."
Seinfeld
"All right, what are you gonna say to him?"
Seinfeld
"Just gonna find out if he's interested."
Seinfeld
"Hey, maybe I should go in with him."
Seinfeld
"- No, you stay in the car. - Who made you leader?"
Seinfeld
"All right, Newman. One more peep out of you, you're out of the operation."
Seinfeld
"There he is. He's going into that bar."
Seinfeld
"All right..."
Seinfeld
"- ...I'm going in. - Be careful, Kramer."
Seinfeld
"I should've gone in with him."
Seinfeld
"No, you stay here in the car. I may need you."
Seinfeld
"What do you need me in the car for?"
Seinfeld
"I might need you to get me a soda."
Seinfeld
"I'll have a brewski, Charlie."
Seinfeld
"The name's Mitch."
Seinfeld
"Well, there's nothing like a cold one after a long day, huh?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - Oh, yeah."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I've been known to drink a beer or two."
Seinfeld
"But then again, I've been known to do a lot of things."
Seinfeld
"- Cigarette? - No, no. I never touch them."
Seinfeld
"Well..."
Seinfeld
"...I suck them down like Coca-Cola."
Seinfeld
"Well..."
Seinfeld
"...here's to feeling good all the time, huh?"
Seinfeld
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