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Clips from Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

This program contains scenes which some viewers may find disturbing.

"This program contains scenes which some viewers may find disturbing."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

When I first entered St John's, I loved it.

"When I first entered St John's, I loved it."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

The campus of that school was beautiful.

"The campus of that school was beautiful."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Such magnificent stonework.

"Such magnificent stonework."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

It was like a castle.

"It was like a castle."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I loved that school.

"I loved that school."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Our school had a magnificent statue of Jesus Christ

"Our school had a magnificent statue of Jesus Christ"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

with his hands lovingly placed on the heads of two children.

"with his hands lovingly placed on the heads of two children."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I could see that Jesus loved children.

"I could see that Jesus loved children."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And the children loved Jesus too.

"And the children loved Jesus too."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

My name is Gary Smith.

"My name is Gary Smith."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I was four in 1954 and I really liked being at school.

"I was four in 1954 and I really liked being at school."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I liked being in the dorm.

"I liked being in the dorm."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

The dorm was cooler than being at home with my parents,

"The dorm was cooler than being at home with my parents,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

because I didn't have any siblings.

"because I didn't have any siblings."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

When I first got to the school, I loved it,

"When I first got to the school, I loved it,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

because there were so many children

"because there were so many children"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

around the same age as me who I could play with

"around the same age as me who I could play with"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and they were good people, it was a good group of friends.

"and they were good people, it was a good group of friends."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

In 1953, I was four years old.

"In 1953, I was four years old."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I remember when I got there, I couldn't stop crying.

"I remember when I got there, I couldn't stop crying."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Then, I was looking up at a nun,

"Then, I was looking up at a nun,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

she was wearing her black-and-white robes.

"she was wearing her black-and-white robes."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I was looking at the nun and my parents left.

"I was looking at the nun and my parents left."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Every morning, we'd have mass.

"Every morning, we'd have mass."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

The priest would use incense

"The priest would use incense"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and the smell would fill the room.

"and the smell would fill the room."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I felt like we were in heaven.

"I felt like we were in heaven."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I wanted to be a Catholic, like everyone else.

"I wanted to be a Catholic, like everyone else."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And so, when I was ten, Father Murphy baptized me.

"And so, when I was ten, Father Murphy baptized me."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Murphy would hug children.

"Murphy would hug children."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

All the kids just loved him, they always flocked to him.

"All the kids just loved him, they always flocked to him."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He would play with the kids and the nuns would stand around

"He would play with the kids and the nuns would stand around"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and just watching and smiling.

"and just watching and smiling."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I wanted Murphy's attention, like all the other kids, I needed him.

"I wanted Murphy's attention, like all the other kids, I needed him."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He was like a second father to me.

"He was like a second father to me."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He had this ability like the Pied Piper -

"He had this ability like the Pied Piper -"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

to just get all rats to follow him and do whatever he wanted.

"to just get all rats to follow him and do whatever he wanted."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Father Murphy knew how to sign

"Father Murphy knew how to sign"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and he could communicate with all the kids.

"and he could communicate with all the kids."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He was a hearing man who could sign and sign very well.

"He was a hearing man who could sign and sign very well."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I remember looking at him and thinking,

"I remember looking at him and thinking,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

"Wow, that's really impressive."

""Wow, that's really impressive.""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Lawrence Murphy was raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

"Lawrence Murphy was raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and entered the St Francis Seminary in 1943.

"and entered the St Francis Seminary in 1943."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

After he was ordained as a priest in 1950,

"After he was ordained as a priest in 1950,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

he moved next door on assignment to St John's School For The Deaf.

"he moved next door on assignment to St John's School For The Deaf."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He had a knack for public speaking and fundraising

"He had a knack for public speaking and fundraising"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and, by 1963, he was promoted to director of St John's.

"and, by 1963, he was promoted to director of St John's."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

After Father Murphy baptized me,

"After Father Murphy baptized me,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I felt proud, I felt better.

"I felt proud, I felt better."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I was excited and couldn't wait to have my first communion when I was 12.

"I was excited and couldn't wait to have my first communion when I was 12."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Later on, I got into trouble at school.

"Later on, I got into trouble at school."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I was mischievous and the nuns would come and say,

"I was mischievous and the nuns would come and say,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

"Go to Father's room." And so, I did.

""Go to Father's room." And so, I did."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

In the confessional booth, there was a dividing wall.

"In the confessional booth, there was a dividing wall."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

But there was a little space that you could see his face through.

"But there was a little space that you could see his face through."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

So you could sign back and forth.

"So you could sign back and forth."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And he would bless you.

"And he would bless you."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I filled out the confession form.

"I filled out the confession form."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

The form listed stealing, lying, sex and things like that.

"The form listed stealing, lying, sex and things like that."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I would mark things off and turn it in.

"I would mark things off and turn it in."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Father Murphy looked at it and then asked me really weird questions like,

"Father Murphy looked at it and then asked me really weird questions like,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

"Have you been with other boys?"

""Have you been with other boys?""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I would say: "I played with myself."

"I would say: "I played with myself.""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And he would ask detailed questions,

"And he would ask detailed questions,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

like "How?" or "What did you do?"

"like "How?" or "What did you do?""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And then he said,

"And then he said,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

"OK. I want to see you in my office this afternoon!"

""OK. I want to see you in my office this afternoon!""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

So I said, "OK", and left the booth,

"So I said, "OK", and left the booth,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and kneel to pray.

"and kneel to pray."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He asked me, "Have you been playing with your penis?"

"He asked me, "Have you been playing with your penis?""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And I told him, "No."

"And I told him, "No.""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

But he gave me one of his looks.

"But he gave me one of his looks."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And it scared me. So I admitted that, yeah, I play with myself.

"And it scared me. So I admitted that, yeah, I play with myself."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He told me to pull down my pants and to do it right there.

"He told me to pull down my pants and to do it right there."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

So I played with myself for a little bit.

"So I played with myself for a little bit."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He watched me intently until I was done.

"He watched me intently until I was done."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Then, he told me that God forgave me

"Then, he told me that God forgave me"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and I felt like my sins had been wiped away.

"and I felt like my sins had been wiped away."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He could have been playing with himself for all I know,

"He could have been playing with himself for all I know,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

but I couldn't see.

"but I couldn't see."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I remember one afternoon I went to Murphy's office

"I remember one afternoon I went to Murphy's office"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and he closed the door and he told me to take off my pants.

"and he closed the door and he told me to take off my pants."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And I said, "Take off my pants?"

"And I said, "Take off my pants?""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I was shocked. And I thought, "Why would I have to do that?"

"I was shocked. And I thought, "Why would I have to do that?""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And I was looking at this man in a black suit, the white-collar,

"And I was looking at this man in a black suit, the white-collar,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

and I thought to myself, "He's a priest and I'm supposed to obey him."

"and I thought to myself, "He's a priest and I'm supposed to obey him.""

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

So I took my pants down and he molested me.

"So I took my pants down and he molested me."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I felt sick and confused.

"I felt sick and confused."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

"Why would a priest do that to me?

""Why would a priest do that to me?"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

"Is this supposed to be OK? Did I do something wrong?" I didn't know.

""Is this supposed to be OK? Did I do something wrong?" I didn't know."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

After it happened, I just left.

"After it happened, I just left."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And I just kept it to myself.

"And I just kept it to myself."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Later on, Father Murphy decided

"Later on, Father Murphy decided"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

that confessional would be on the second floor, in the closet.

"that confessional would be on the second floor, in the closet."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I confessed my sins.

"I confessed my sins."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I was forgiven and blessed, and then I was touched.

"I was forgiven and blessed, and then I was touched."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I started sweating like crazy... ... so nervous.

"I started sweating like crazy... ... so nervous."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I just feel myself shaking

"I just feel myself shaking"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Just kept thinking: Enough! Enough!

"Just kept thinking: Enough! Enough!"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

when father murphy stopped, I went to bed right away.

"when father murphy stopped, I went to bed right away."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And I was just sick, I was just sick.

"And I was just sick, I was just sick."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

And I lied in bed,

"And I lied in bed,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

under the covers and I felt absolutely disgusted.

"under the covers and I felt absolutely disgusted."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I was a monk, I was a very pious monk.

"I was a monk, I was a very pious monk."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I folded my hands, kept my eyes down, did my studies.

"I folded my hands, kept my eyes down, did my studies."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I lived in the system.

"I lived in the system."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Richard Sipe spent 18 years as a Benedictine monk.

"Richard Sipe spent 18 years as a Benedictine monk."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

He was also a therapist counselling his fellow priests.

"He was also a therapist counselling his fellow priests."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Sex in celibacy became central to my research and understanding.

"Sex in celibacy became central to my research and understanding."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

Sipe began what became a 25-year study

"Sipe began what became a 25-year study"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

examining celibacy in the priesthood.

"examining celibacy in the priesthood."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

My intent was that this would help in the training of priests.

"My intent was that this would help in the training of priests."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

I felt that I could make a contribution

"I felt that I could make a contribution"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

by being honest about it.

"by being honest about it."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

The data showed that at any one time,

"The data showed that at any one time,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

no more than 50% of American Roman Catholic priests were practicing celibacy.

"no more than 50% of American Roman Catholic priests were practicing celibacy."

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

There were certain levels of experimentation,

"There were certain levels of experimentation,"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

relationships, involvement

"relationships, involvement"

Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God (2012)

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