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Clips from Friends - The One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner (S09E09)

"Joseph."
Friends
"One needn't worry. They shan't be long."
Friends
"It's just that we do have some large parties waiting."
Friends
"Oh, one really does have a stick up one's ass, doesn't one?"
Friends
"How can you smoke in this day and age? Have you not seen that ad? Huh?"
Friends
"Where the little kid walks through Grandpa? It's chilling."
Friends
"I messed up. It was a meeting. Everybody was smoking."
Friends
"So what? Don't you have any willpower?"
Friends
"Willpower? I've watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs..."
Friends
"...without taking the tinfoil off."
Friends
"You said that was sexy."
Friends
"Okay, look, can we just drop this? I'm not gonna smoke again."
Friends
"That's right, because I forbid you to smoke again."
Friends
"- You forbid me? - Mm-hm."
Friends
"You know, I've flown a long way to see my loving wife."
Friends
"Is she here, by the way?"
Friends
"Chandler, don't joke with me. Okay? I'm very, very upset right now."
Friends
"Oh. Would you say this is the most upset you could be?"
Friends
"I think so."
Friends
"Well, then I might as well..."
Friends
"...do this."
Friends
"Not really sure what to do now."
Friends
"I'll tell you what we're gonna do."
Friends
"We're already late for Phoebe's birthday dinner."
Friends
"So you're going to put out that cigarette..."
Friends
"...we're gonna put this fight on hold, and go have sex."
Friends
"Fine. What?"
Friends
"Sex. This is the last day I'm ovulating. If we don't do it..."
Friends
"...we're gonna have to wait until next month."
Friends
"You're serious?"
Friends
"- Oh, yeah. - All right, fine, I'll do it, but no talking."
Friends
"- And no cuddling. - And no kissing your neck."
Friends
"Oh, good. I hate it when you do that."
Friends
"And lots of kissing your neck."
Friends
"Okay, well, the super's not home."
Friends
"But my mother's gonna be here, and she has the key."
Friends
"I can't wait that long. You have to do something. Knock that door down."
Friends
"I would, but I bruise like a peach."
Friends
"Besides, you know, everything's gonna be fine. The baby's sleeping."
Friends
"- What if she jumps out of the bassinet? - Can't hold her own head up."
Friends
"But, yeah, jumped."
Friends
"Oh, my God. I left the water running."
Friends
"You did not leave the water running. Please, pull yourself together, okay?"
Friends
"- Well, did I leave the stove on? - You haven't cooked since 1996."
Friends
"Is the window open? If the window's open a bird could fly in and..."
Friends
"Oh, my God, you know what? I think you're right."
Friends
"- Listen. - What? What?"
Friends
"A pigeon. No. No, wait, no. An eagle flew in."
Friends
"Landed on the stove and caught fire."
Friends
"The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid."
Friends
"The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression..."
Friends
"...and grabs the baby in its talon."
Friends
"Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water."
Friends
"Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip..."
Friends
"...swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment."
Friends
"Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true."
Friends
"- Hello. Hi."
Friends
"It's been an hour."
Friends
"The maitre d' asked if you'd reconsider switching to a smaller table."
Friends
"Maybe we should just eat now."
Friends
"You can't order until the entire party's arrived. Restaurant policy."
Friends
"Well, how about this? Another table leaves, right..."
Friends
"...but there's still some food left on their plates."
Friends
"Okay, what's the restaurant's policy about people eating that?"
Friends
"- It's frowned upon. - But it happens."
Friends
"- All right, I gotta go to the bathroom. - No, you can't go."
Friends
"No, no, no. I can't hold this table on my own."
Friends
"If they ask me to move, I'll cave."
Friends
"Well, if you ask me to stay, I'll pee."
Friends
"Good evening, miss."
Friends
"Miss?"
Friends
"Miss? Miss?"
Friends
"Okay, fine, I'll move. All right. You don't have to manhandle me."
Friends
"Where? Okay."
Friends
"Thank you."
Friends
"Wow."
Friends
"Finally, you guys made it."
Friends
"Pheebs, who the hell...? Ah!"
Friends
"Spend more time with the tie. That'll make a baby."
Friends
"Look, I can't do this. I can't make love to you while we're fighting this way."
Friends
"Oh, sure. Now you're Mr. Sensitivity."
Friends
"But when you wanted to have sex right after my uncle's funeral..."
Friends
"That was a celebration of life."
Friends
"All right, look, I'm not gonna do this."
Friends
"Is this the way you want our baby to be conceived?"
Friends
"No, you're right."
Friends
"Yeah, we shouldn't do it like this."
Friends
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
Friends
"I shouldn't have come down on you so hard about the smoking."
Friends
"So you had a few cigarettes. It's not the end of the world."
Friends
"- Really? - Yeah."
Friends
"You are incredible."
Friends
"And listen, I'm not gonna smoke again."
Friends
"And if I do, I promise I will hide it so much better from you."
Friends
"- Do you want to? - Yeah, let's celebrate life."
Friends
"Okay."
Friends
"Oh, God."
Friends
"Oh, thank God you're okay."
Friends
"I'm sorry we left you. Mommy will never leave you again."
Friends
"Never, ever, ever again."
Friends
"Great. So let's get going."
Friends
"Oh, no. I mean it. After what just happened, I'm never leaving her again."
Friends
"I understand. Separation is hard."
Friends
"One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor."
Friends
"And he got so upset he took off all his clothes..."
Friends
"...tucked his willy between his legs..."
Friends
"...and cried out, Mommy, I'm a girl. Take me with you."
Friends
"Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you."
Friends
"Ah."
Friends
"You are welcome."
Friends
"- You know what? Let's not talk. - What?"
Friends
"- I am still so mad at you for smoking. - But you said you forgave me."
Friends
"It was just a couple of cigarettes, no big deal."
Friends
"Oh, blah-blah-blah-blah."
Friends
"I was ovulating and you said you wouldn't have sex with me if we were fighting."
Friends
"- You tricked me to get me into bed? - That's right. I got mine."
Friends
"I feel so used."
Friends
"Well, I guess they're not coming. You want to just order?"
Friends
"Thank you."
Friends
"Waiter? All right, this is gonna go fast, so try to keep up."
Friends
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