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Clips from The Goldbergs (2013) - You're Not Invited (S01E01)

"Adult adam: Back in the '80s,"
The Goldbergs (2013)
"You only had three options for birthday parties..."
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"Roller skating, chuck e. Cheese,"
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"Or seeing a wildly inappropriate movie"
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"Because your parents didn't know any better."
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"And then..."
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"Everything changed!"
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"We're playing laser tag tonight, people."
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"I know. It's gonna be awesome!"
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"But you know what's gonna make it even more fun?"
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"Protective cornea goggles."
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"No. No way. Why the hell do I need to protect my corneas?"
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"Because sue nagleman's son lost his eye to a laser beam."
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"It wasn't a laser. It was a taser."
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"And you don't talk back to cops."
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"It's safe, mom."
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"Laser tag's for little kids."
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"For your information, there are many adults that enjoy playing laser tag."
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"I admit, they look kind of weird"
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"Waiting on that single-player bench,"
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"With their desperate eyes just staring at you."
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"(sighs)"
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"Whatever! It's fun for everyone!"
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"But mostly dorky, little kids."
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"Well, I'll never be a fan of lasers,"
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"But my scrumptious, little snuggle monster"
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"Gets whatever he wants on his birthday."
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"I want you to stop calling me "snuggle monster"."
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"Can't give you that. But I can... Give you this."
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"(singsong voice) it's present time!"
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"What the heck is a sleeping angel book?"
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"I've been taking pictures of you sleeping once a month"
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"Since you were born, my angel, and I made it into a book."
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"If you flip through it, you can see how much your head has grown."
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"Why does it say "sleeping angel part one"?"
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"You'll find out when you go to college."
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"Adult adam: While my mom gave gifts,"
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"My dad had his own birthday tradition..."
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"Forgetting."
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"Hey. My foot hurts. What's for breakfast?"
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"Well, we're celebrating you-know-who"
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"With "a" shaped pancakes."
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""a"!"
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"(chuckling) it almost slipped my mind."
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"Al capone!"
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"Geraldo rivera is opening up al capone's vault today"
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"Live on television!"
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"It's like my birthday."
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"Wow. Okay, murray. Stop playing around."
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"Yeah, of course."
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"It's, um..."
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"Murray: Baby!"
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"Baby out."
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"Baby day."
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"Baby... Birth."
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"Baby rocking."
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"Birth day."
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"Birthday!"
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"My son..."
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"Who is way more important than al capone."
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"Daddy and I also got you that, didn't we, mur?"
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"Yeah. Open it up. It's gonna blow your mind."
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"I'm not much for surprises."
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"How about you tell me what you got me, mur?"
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"Oh, no, no, no, no. It's a surprise."
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"Tell me what you got me. It's a surprise."
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"Say it in words."
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"Um..."
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"It's, uh, a... A dancing lady."
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"A, uh, dancing..."
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"An angry, dancing karate-monkey."
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"Wow."
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"♪ I'm twisted up inside"
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"♪ but nonetheless I feel the need to say"
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"♪ I don't know the future"
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"♪ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪"
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"Adult adam: It was mid-April, 1980-something."
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"I was still on an epic quest to get my first kiss"
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"From my kinda/sorta/maybe girlfriend, dana caldwell."
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"Thankfully, my favorite afroed tv painter, bob ross,"
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"Was there to break the tension."
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"I like the way he paints trees."
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"The best. You should see what he does with cottages."
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"Bob ross: ...Indication here and there"
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"Of some happy, little evergreen trees."
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"Well, I should probably get going."
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"Oh. Okay."
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"So, I'll see you at laser tag? Yeah."
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"I hope I'm on your team."
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"I'll see what I can do, but no guarantees."
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"There's gonna be two captains. Could get complicated."
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"So... Happy birthday?"
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"Up high?"
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"Adult adam: Sure, it wasn't my first kiss,"
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"But this double wiggly high-five was just as good,"
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"I tried to tell myself."
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"(door closes)"
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"Pathetic, dude."
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"Oh, like you could do any better."
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"Hell yeah, I could!"
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"Big tasty knows how to tame the booty with the beat."
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"You got to kiss her, bro!"
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"I know!"
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"Just... The timing hasn't been right."
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"I've been busy, she's been busy."
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"Her family went to sarasota."
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"I had that cold and that spanish quiz."
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"Well, now the timing's right."
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"It's your birthday."
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"Tonight, you got to throw a full-on make-out party."
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"A laser tag make-out party?"
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"Logistically, how would that even work?"
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"No laser tag! Just make-out party!"
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"What am I? Scott baio?"
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"I don't know how to throw a make-out party."
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"That's why you call..."
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"(imitates dialing)"
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"Barry's make-out parties. How can I help you?"
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"Can you tell my brother he's a giant putz?"
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"(sighs)"
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