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Clips from Seinfeld - The Alternate Side (S03E03)

"I mean, because, come on, they're running wild there."
Seinfeld
"- It's not an easy thing to bring up. - Yeah, that's true."
Seinfeld
"You should see his bathrobe, man. It's all silk."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Does he wear slippers. I bet he wears slippers."
Seinfeld
"- He does. How'd you know that? - I could tell."
Seinfeld
"What happened? What took you so long?"
Seinfeld
"We got here 20 minutes ago, but we couldn't move."
Seinfeld
"The intersection is gridlocked. I've never seen anything like it."
Seinfeld
"Finally we make the turn, and this guy who was triple-parking cars..."
Seinfeld
"- ...slammed into us with a blue Escort. - Blue Escort?"
Seinfeld
"- That's my rent-a-car! - Oh, man."
Seinfeld
"What happened to the car?"
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry. You don't know what's going on out there!"
Seinfeld
"Who's he?"
Seinfeld
"- This guy I'm seeing. - What happened?"
Seinfeld
"- We don't know. - Who put cookies in his mouth?"
Seinfeld
"- Cookies? - You're not supposed to do that."
Seinfeld
"- So how'd you hit the car? - I was moving it across the street."
Seinfeld
"I looked up and I saw Woody Allen. I got all distracted."
Seinfeld
"- It's not even my car. It's a rental. - What are you doing out there?"
Seinfeld
"You're holding up the production of the movie."
Seinfeld
"We can't shoot, and Woody, he's really mad at you."
Seinfeld
"Woody mentioned me? What did he say?"
Seinfeld
"He said, "Who's the moron who's got the street all screwed up?""
Seinfeld
"Should I apologize to Woody?"
Seinfeld
"All right, I'll tell you what."
Seinfeld
"Next time I talk to him, maybe I'll bring it up."
Seinfeld
"I'll feel him out."
Seinfeld
"What do you think first aid was like hundreds of years ago?"
Seinfeld
"I mean, they had no medicine, no drugs..."
Seinfeld
"...no technology, no equipment. Basically, they were there first."
Seinfeld
"That was it. That was the whole first aid. They sit with you."
Seinfeld
"That's all they could do. "Can you help me?""
Seinfeld
""No, we can't help you, but we were the first ones here."
Seinfeld
"Did you see our truck? 'First aid.' That's our motto."
Seinfeld
"We show up before anybody.""
Seinfeld
"You didn't say you didn't know how to drive."
Seinfeld
"- Should've mentioned that. - Well, I know how to drive."
Seinfeld
"Then how did all those cars get damaged?"
Seinfeld
"Why are people calling me up, screaming on the phone?"
Seinfeld
"- Most of them cancelled out on me. - Can I get anybody anything?"
Seinfeld
"Moving cars from one side to the other..."
Seinfeld
"...don't take no more sense than putting on a pair of pants."
Seinfeld
"My question to you is: Who's putting your pants on?"
Seinfeld
"- I put my pants on, Sid. - I don't believe you."
Seinfeld
"You can put your pants on, you can move cars."
Seinfeld
"I don't want to get into a big dispute about the pants."
Seinfeld
"Who's gonna send money to my sister in Virginia?"
Seinfeld
"Her little boy needs surgery on his foot."
Seinfeld
"He'll be walking around with a limp, because you can't park a few cars."
Seinfeld
"Maybe I could call my father."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, you seen the paper yet? - Interestingly enough, no..."
Seinfeld
"...inasmuch as it is my paper."
Seinfeld
"There's an article on that writer."
Seinfeld
""Owen March, prominent author and essayist, suffered a stroke yesterday..."
Seinfeld
"...in the Upper West Side apartment of a friend.""
Seinfeld
"That's the guy that was here. You're the friend."
Seinfeld
"Thanks. "The extent of the damage would've been far less severe..."
Seinfeld
"...had paramedics been able to reach him sooner.""
Seinfeld
"- Oh, Lord. - "The commotion also delayed..."
Seinfeld
"...production of a Woody Allen movie that was shooting up the block."
Seinfeld
"A spokeswoman for the legendary filmmaker..."
Seinfeld
"...said that Mr. Allen was extremely agitated..."
Seinfeld
"...and wondered if his days of shooting movies in New York were over.""
Seinfeld
"Five seconds."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, I was five seconds away from breaking up with him."
Seinfeld
"Five seconds! The next words out of my mouth were, "Owen, it's over.""
Seinfeld
"- Can he communicate? - Yeah. Well, he nods."
Seinfeld
"And I think he understands me."
Seinfeld
"He seems to enjoy it when I read to him."
Seinfeld
"All right, she's free."
Seinfeld
"Hi, I called before. My car got smashed."
Seinfeld
"So listen. What should I do? If I break up with him now..."
Seinfeld
"...it'll look like I'm abandoning him. I'll be ostracized from the community."
Seinfeld
"What community? There's a community?"
Seinfeld
"Of course there's a community."
Seinfeld
"All these years, I'm living in a community, I had no idea."
Seinfeld
"Sir, the estimate on the damage to your car is $2866."
Seinfeld
"- I got the insurance and everything- - Yes, now, in your report..."
Seinfeld
"...you said you weren't the driver at the time of the accident."
Seinfeld
"Somebody else was driving it."
Seinfeld
"All right, well, sir, you're only covered for when you're driving the car."
Seinfeld
"What's that?"
Seinfeld
"- You're not covered for other drivers. - Other drivers?"
Seinfeld
"Your whole business is based on other drivers. It's a rented car."
Seinfeld
"That's who's driving it. Other drivers."
Seinfeld
"Doesn't my credit card cover me?"
Seinfeld
"- Not that particular one. - I got a hundred cards."
Seinfeld
"Here, here. Pick a card. Take any card you want."
Seinfeld
"Go ahead. Whichever one. I don't care."
Seinfeld
"- If you had read the rental agreement- - Did you see the size of that document?"
Seinfeld
"It's like the Declaration of Independence. Who's gonna read that?"
Seinfeld
"Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now, you are not covered for that damage..."
Seinfeld
"...and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that."
Seinfeld
"These pretzels are making me thirsty."
Seinfeld
"It's good, isn't it?"
Seinfeld
"Yankee bean."
Seinfeld
"Why Yankee bean, huh?"
Seinfeld
"Don't they have beans in the South?"
Seinfeld
"I mean, if you order Yankee bean in the South, are they offended?"
Seinfeld
"Yankee bean. Yankee bean."
Seinfeld
"I like my Yankee bean."
Seinfeld
"Owen..."
Seinfeld
"...I think we have to talk."
Seinfeld
"I mean, I have to talk."
Seinfeld
"It would be nice if we could, but, you know, whatever."
Seinfeld
"Don't get me wrong. I like coming here and feeding you..."
Seinfeld
"...and cleaning a little, and paying your bills."
Seinfeld
"I mean, that's good stuff. Good stuff."
Seinfeld
"I have a wonderful time when I'm with you. Wonderful!"
Seinfeld
"But at this point in my life, I'm not really sure..."
Seinfeld
"...that I'm ready to make a commitment to one person."
Seinfeld
"I'm just not really sure that we have enough in common."
Seinfeld
"I mean, for example:"
Seinfeld
"I like running in the park..."
Seinfeld
"...bicycling..."
Seinfeld
"...roller-skating, tennis and skiing..."
Seinfeld
"And, well..."
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna be brutally honest with you now."
Seinfeld
"It's a bitch to get here. It's two subways."
Seinfeld
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