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Clips from Seinfeld - The Alternate Side (S03E03)

"Well, here we go."
Seinfeld
"The supervisor."
Seinfeld
"- Know what she's saying over there? - What?"
Seinfeld
""Hey, Marge, see those two people? They think I'm talking to you."
Seinfeld
"So you pretend like you're talking to me. Okay, now you start talking.""
Seinfeld
""You mean like this? So it looks like I'm saying something, but I'm not.""
Seinfeld
""Say something else, and they won't yell at me..."
Seinfeld
"...because they thought I was checking with you.""
Seinfeld
""Okay, I think that's enough. See you later.""
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry. My supervisor says there's nothing we can do."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, it looked like you were in a real conversation over there."
Seinfeld
"Well, we do have a compact if you would like that."
Seinfeld
"- Fine. - All right."
Seinfeld
"Well, we have a blue Ford Escort for you, Mr. Seinfeld."
Seinfeld
"- Would you like insurance? - Yeah, give me the insurance..."
Seinfeld
"...because I am gonna beat the hell out of this thing."
Seinfeld
"Please fill this out."
Seinfeld
"Do you think I'm making a big mistake?"
Seinfeld
"If you enjoy being with him, that's what's important."
Seinfeld
"I love being with him. I mean, I like being with him."
Seinfeld
"It's okay being with him."
Seinfeld
"- I just don't enjoy being with him. - Well, that's what important."
Seinfeld
"I'm meeting him for lunch at Chadway's."
Seinfeld
"Do I have to break up face to face, or can I just do it over the phone?"
Seinfeld
"- How many times have you been out? - Seven."
Seinfeld
"Face to face."
Seinfeld
"Seven dates is a face-to-face breakup?"
Seinfeld
"If it was six, I could've let you go."
Seinfeld
"But seven, I'm afraid, is over the limit."
Seinfeld
"Unless, of course, there was no sex."
Seinfeld
"How's the pasta over there?"
Seinfeld
"What is going on out there?"
Seinfeld
"I need a bucket of water. I got a car overheating."
Seinfeld
"I got an alarm that won't go off."
Seinfeld
"I'm pressing one. I'm pressing two. Nothing."
Seinfeld
"What do I do? Help me. Help me."
Seinfeld
"They were supposed to do my scene today."
Seinfeld
"- Today? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"They said they wanted me to walk down the block carrying this bag of groceries."
Seinfeld
"So I start to walk, and I trip. And the grocery bag goes flying..."
Seinfeld
"- ...and Woody starts laughing. - He was laughing?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah. He was drinking something. It started to come out of his nose."
Seinfeld
"- So then what? - Well, I got a line in the movie!"
Seinfeld
"- Get out! - That's great."
Seinfeld
"You got a line in a Woody Allen movie?"
Seinfeld
"- Pretty good, huh? - You're in the movie?"
Seinfeld
"- Is he in the scene? - Yeah, it's me and him."
Seinfeld
"I might have a new career on my hands, huh?"
Seinfeld
"You mean "a career.""
Seinfeld
"- So was Mia Farrow there? - I didn't see him."
Seinfeld
"- What's your line? - Well, okay, I'm there with Woody..."
Seinfeld
"...you know. I'm at this bar, and, you know, it's Woody Allen."
Seinfeld
"- Did I mention that? - We got it. We got it."
Seinfeld
"And I'm sitting there with Woody, and I turn to him and I go:"
Seinfeld
"Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty."
Seinfeld
"- Is that how you're gonna say it? - No, no. I'm working on it."
Seinfeld
"Do it like this."
Seinfeld
"- These pretzels are making me thirsty. - No."
Seinfeld
"- These pretzels are making me thirsty. - No, no. See, that's no good."
Seinfeld
"You don't know how to act."
Seinfeld
"These pretzels..."
Seinfeld
"...are making me thirsty!"
Seinfeld
"- That was no good? - I didn't say anything."
Seinfeld
"All right, I'm gonna go break up with Owen."
Seinfeld
"What was wrong with that? I had a different interpretation."
Seinfeld
"Do you know anything about this pretzel guy?"
Seinfeld
"Maybe he's been in the bar a long time..."
Seinfeld
"...and he's really depressed because he has no job, and no woman..."
Seinfeld
"...and he's parking cars for a living!"
Seinfeld
"All right! All right! Shut up! Shut up!"
Seinfeld
"I hear you! I'm coming down! These pretzels are making me thirsty!"
Seinfeld
"Yeah!"
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God."
Seinfeld
"Call an ambulance."
Seinfeld
"Boy, he took it hard."
Seinfeld
"We were walking down the block..."
Seinfeld
"...I was about to break up with him, then he started to twitch."
Seinfeld
"Yes, I need an ambulance at 129 West 81st Street, Apartment 5A."
Seinfeld
"- Tell them to hurry. Hurry! - It's an ambulance."
Seinfeld
"I don't know, but he's unconscious."
Seinfeld
"These pretzels are making me thirsty."
Seinfeld
"These pretzels are making me thirsty."
Seinfeld
"- Kramer. - What happened here?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know. What should we do? We called an ambulance."
Seinfeld
"- Anyone know first aid? - Do something with the extremities."
Seinfeld
"- What extremities? - What's an extremity?"
Seinfeld
"You raise the feet, get blood to the head."
Seinfeld
"You raise the head, get blood to the feet."
Seinfeld
"Okay, what about a cold compress? They always do that."
Seinfeld
"- I don't have a washcloth. - Use a paper towel."
Seinfeld
"- You can't put that on his head. - What about a big sponge?"
Seinfeld
"- How you gonna hold it on there? - Use a belt."
Seinfeld
"No, no, no. That'll- It'll drip all over him."
Seinfeld
"- Should we walk him around? - I've seen them do that."
Seinfeld
"- That's for a drug overdose. - Maybe that's what he's got."
Seinfeld
"No, I just had lunch with him. He didn't leave the table."
Seinfeld
"Well, he could've dropped acid when you weren't looking."
Seinfeld
"He is not a drug addict."
Seinfeld
"Maybe he's diabetic. He might just need a cookie or something."
Seinfeld
"- A cookie! - Can you give him a cookie?"
Seinfeld
"- How's he gonna chew it? - Move his teeth. Worked for my uncle."
Seinfeld
"The sugar revived him."
Seinfeld
"Careful, you're getting crumbs all over him."
Seinfeld
"I've got him chewing, but I don't think he's gonna swallow."
Seinfeld
"Let's put a few cookies in a blender and he could drink it."
Seinfeld
"- Cookies don't liquefy. - They do. You can liquefy a cookie."
Seinfeld
"- I'll get the blender. - I don't have a blender."
Seinfeld
"- You've got a blender. - I'd know if I had a blender."
Seinfeld
"Where is the ambulance?!"
Seinfeld
"Hello, yes. I called for an ambulance like 35 minutes ago."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe what's going on out here."
Seinfeld
"This is an emergency. What's taking so long?"
Seinfeld
"Wait a second. Maybe that's them."
Seinfeld
"- Hello. - Paramedics."
Seinfeld
"Come on up. Okay, they're here."
Seinfeld
"He seems to be breathing."
Seinfeld
"You know, I've got to tell you, he's a pretty good-looking guy."
Seinfeld
"I know."
Seinfeld
"Those eyebrows could use a trimming. You ever mention that?"
Seinfeld
"Almost."
Seinfeld
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