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Clips from Flight of the Conchords - Bret Gives Up the Dream (S01E01)

"No thanks, Murray."
Flight of the Conchords
"See? Hopeless."
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"The job is you have to hold up this sign"
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"and you have to make sure"
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"it points in the right direction."
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"Now, does that sound like something you can do?"
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"Sounds like something a lamppost could do."
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"- That's all. - You know what?"
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"You're sign material. This guy overthinks things."
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"Okay? You can't overthink in this business."
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"You cannot."
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"What if a wind comes"
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"and blows it away? You ever think of that,"
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"Enrico Fermi?"
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"Oh we can hold it. It won't be a problem."
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"You have the right attitude."
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"You have what I like to call..."
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"the wrong attitude."
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"# All the hotties at the party #"
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"# Shaking all of your booties #"
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"# Yeah. #"
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"Jemaine, I need to go to sleep now."
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"Bret, do you think it should be, "Shake their booties, yeah,""
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"or "Shake their boobies, yeah"?"
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"'Cause when I think of shake your booties,"
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"I think of those little boots that babies wear."
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"You know, those little woolen boots that they wear."
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"You know, babies wear those little woolen boots."
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"- Yeah. - Like shake your booties."
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"I don't know, man. I've got work in the morning."
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"I need to go to sleep."
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"I can't believe you got that job and I didn't."
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"You need to work on your people skills."
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"Yeah, shut up, Bret."
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"- Hey, man. - Oh, hey, Bret."
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"I bought the chairs back off of Dave."
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"You're kind of late for band practice."
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"Sorry, man, we had some after work drinks with Eddie."
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"Yeah, well you could have told me, so..."
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"Should we do some more practice?"
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"Bret, it's 7:00. I've been practicing for four hours."
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"Well, what are you doing now?"
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"Well, it's my free time now."
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"I'm gonna do some of my leisure activities."
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"I'm gonna sit down over there for a bit"
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"and then I'm gonna do some light reading."
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"Well, if it's your free time, let's do some more practice."
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"You could have practiced too, if you were here,"
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"but you weren't, so sorry."
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"- What are you doing? - I'm just, you know,"
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"sitting down. It's my free time."
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"I can do whatever I like. This is what I like to do."
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"- Hello, Bret. - What are you guys doing here?"
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"- Emergency band meeting. - I'm working. This is my work."
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"You're not working, you're just holding a sign."
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"- Public foot path. - This is my work. Get out of here."
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"Come on, band meeting."
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"- Bret. - Present."
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"- Jemaine. - Present."
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"Murray, present."
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"And good news anyway. The Trade and Migrant Expo, it's been okayed."
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"New Zealand wants you to be in their stall."
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"What's the Trade and Migrant Expo?"
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"Well, they're stalls from all the different countries of the world."
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"And the Australians, as always, have got their stall"
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"right next to the New Zealand stall."
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"But this year, with you guys playing,"
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"we're gonna blow those Aussies out of the water. I can't wait."
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"Bloody showoffs."
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"- When is that? - Uh, Thursday 3:00 P.M."
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"No, I can't go. I've got work."
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"- I finish at 2:00. I don't know. - You got to go, it's a gig."
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"What's more important? The band or your job?"
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"Yeah well, I got the job 'cause we didn't have any gigs."
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"How can I give you a gig if you've got this job?"
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"Yeah, but that's why I got the job... 'cause there were no gigs."
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"Well, I can't get you a gig if you're gonna always go and do a job."
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"Yeah, but that's... I needed the job 'cause there were no gigs."
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"Well, I've got you a gig, so what's with the job?"
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"Yeah, but that's... that the thing. I got the job"
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"because there were no gigs, man."
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"It's a chicken-egg situation."
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"What do you mean? What's... what's he mean, chicken?"
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"Well you know, "What came first, the chicken or the egg?""
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"That's irrelevant, isn't it?"
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"It's stupid. The chicken, obviously."
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"Well, where did the chicken come from?"
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"Well, it came from the..."
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"- Oh. - You see, the egg."
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"You're the egg. You're a bad egg, all right?"
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"You've derailed this meeting with another obscure comment."
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"Well, I could just record my part on tape, I guess,"
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"and Jemaine could play along."
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"Tape? A cassette tape?"
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"No, you can't do that, Bret."
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"I'm not happy with that."
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"Those hot dogs any good?"
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"- Yeah, they're good. - How much?"
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"- $2. - How many sauces?"
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"Two."
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"You'd expect three sauces for that, wouldn't you?"
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"I got to get back to work, guys."
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"And folks, please, I'm sorry about the particles."
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"Don't breathe 'em in. We don't know what they are."
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"I would suggest quick, short breaths."
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"Now, Georgina, I'm gonna give you "Jewelry Sale," okay?"
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"I'm gonna put you at Broadway and Canal."
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"Now this is basic stuff, okay?"
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"You know this."
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"Bret, I'm gonna give you something a little harder."
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"All right? "Men's Suits.""
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"Okay? Now, Matthew,"
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"I want you to hold the sign just like Bret."
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"- Bret, how are you holding it? - I'm just holding it."
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"Exactly... just holding. Coco, you're late."
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"Actually, Bret, you know what?"
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"I'm gonna give you "Phones," all right?"
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"I want you to show Coco the ropes."
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"Coco, this is Bret. All right, everybody,"
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"really look alive out there."
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