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Clips from The Simpsons - Burns, Baby Burns (S08E08)

"And I think it's the best idea I've ever had."
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"Hey, you folks are all right."
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"Grampa, are you sitting on the pie?"
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"I sure hope so."
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"Hey, I'm looking for this guy. Anybody know who he is?"
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"Okay, so there's been a little friction. Know his address?"
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"Whoa! This guy's got more bread than a prison meat loaf."
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"He's rich, I tell ya. I never seen a place with a walk-in mailbox."
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"Hey, who am I talking to?"
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"- Yes? - Yeah."
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"he will observe him through a powerful telescope."
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"- Now, if you- - Smithers, what's going on?"
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"How dare you interrupt my lime rickey?"
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"[Slurping, Sighs] State your business."
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"Well, geez! I'm a little nervous here. What I'm trying to say is I'm-"
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"You're what? Selling light bulbs? Worried about the whales?"
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"- Keen on Jesus? Out with it! - Well, Mr. Burns, I'm your son."
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"Oh, and I stepped on one of your peacocks. You got a paper towel?"
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"Ah, Pop, don't get me wrong. It's great to be here."
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"Ah, Larry, my lad, I've gone over this story in my mind a million times."
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"It was 1941, the-"
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"No, '39, my 25th Yale reunion."
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"[Burns Narrating] Who should appear but the unrequited love of my college years-"
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"Mimsie Bankcroft."
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"Of course by then, Mimsie had her share of wrinkles..."
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"to her 21-year-old daughter, Lily."
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"I took Lily to the local "cinematorium'..."
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"We sneaked into the nearby Peabody Museum."
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"we expressed our love physically..."
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"[Guffaws]"
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"Well, how do you like that? I have been in a museum."
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"- What happened with you and Ma? - There was a terrible scandal."
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"I never heard from her again."
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"But I prattle on. Tell me everything about your life."
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"Oh, what's to tell? I was at the orphanage till I was 18."
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"Then I got my job at the souvenir stand."
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"Oh, and once I saw a blimp."
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"Ah, Pop, nobody's ever been so nice to me."
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"Now then, in case you get bored, here's the playroom."
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"You can't just eat the orange and throw the peel away!"
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"A man's not a piece of fruit!"
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"This show was supposed to close last week!"
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"[Bird Squawks]"
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"[Snoring, Mumbles]"
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"- [Snoring] - [Both Scream]"
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"Hey, you're that hitchhiker. What are you doing here?"
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"Learning the family business. I'm Larry Burns, the boss's son."
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"Uh-oh."
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"Oh, relax. I don't wanna work."
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"I'm so lazy I took lessons on a player piano."
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"Wow! That's really lazy."
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"Lazy, you're not kidding. Why, I'm like a rug on Valium. I'm talking lazy."
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"If I could be stranded on an island with anyone, it would definitely be Larry."
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"I think we've heard enough about Larry Burns for one evening."
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"Why? It's not like anything interesting happened to anyone else today."
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"- I'm not gonna fit in here. - Nonsense, Larry."
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"Your blood is bluer than any of theirs."
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"Oh, Admiral Carstairs, I'd like you to meet my son, Larry."
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"Where'd you start out, on the Merrimack?"
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"Oh, Monty, this must be the son I've heard so much about."
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"Larry, you must meet our daughter, the debutante. She came out last spring."
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"- Whoa! Put her back in! She's not done yet. - [Scoffs]"
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"I can't quite put my finger on it."
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"Pull up a seat, Pop. You too, Chuckles."
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"I mean, the food ain't great, but the portions are terrific."
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"Hey, I'm kidding. Relax. Hey, give my regards to Mrs. Boyardee."
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"[Shudders] A total lack of refinement."
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"Oh, yes. He made light of my weight problem..."
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"then suggested my motto should be "Semper Fudge.""
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"he spelled "Yale" with a six."
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"I see. Well, l-"
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"Oh, you know, I just remembered it's time for my annual donation."
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"I wonder how much I should give."
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"And in Larry's case, we would need an international airport."
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"Yale could use an international airport, Mr. Burns."
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"Everybody, go nuts. I'm buyin'!"
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"Hey, handsome, send the bill to my dad."
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"Okay, but the last guy who charged a drink to Burns turned up in a landfill."
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"Yeah, but it was worth it. [Burps]"
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"Hey, what's everybody in this burg have against my dad?"
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"He's a pussycat. I tell you, he's a doll-baby."
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"Ah, this is some party. If it gets any livelier, a funeral's gonna break out."
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"Quiet, you. Nobody likes a comedian."
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"Geez! Come on, Dad, we got company. Make with the yakety-yak-yak."
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"- You, food bag, do you have a son? - Yes, sir, I do."
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"Does he bring home nitwits and make you talk to them?"
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"- He's a little wiener who- - Fascinating. Good night."
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"Dad, what's with you tonight? I mean, I'm getting frostbite over here."
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"I'll tell you what's with me-"
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"the humiliation of having a coarse, boorish ignoramus for a son."
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"Uh, I should go."
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"What's the matter, Pop? Don't you love me anymore?"
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"Oh. [Grumbling]"
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"It's so unfair. You're everything a dad could hope for."
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"Yeah. I tell ya, I don't get no regard."
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"No regard at all. No esteem either."
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"Larry, there's only one sure way to make him realize how much he loves you..."
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"Yeah, right. I don't know. Maybe I should just leave town."
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"Nah. I know what I gotta do."
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"I gotta clean up my act. No more joking around all the time."
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"- [Glass Breaks] - I know I can do it."
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""Your son has been kidnapped.""
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"I can't believe someone would kidnap my Larry."
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"- I won't rest until he's returned to me. - Not to be impertinent, sir..."
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"but didn't you want Larry out of your life as recently as two hours ago?"
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"whether it be my Sunday newspaper or my loutish oaf of a son."
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"All right, Mr. B., when the kidnappers call with the ransom demand..."
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"And then down comes the net. Right, Chief?"
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"[Birds Twittering]"
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"Hmm?"
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"- Hmm? - [TV, Indistinct]"
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"What are you doing in the basement?"
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"And what's that hitchhiker doing here?"
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"Is every drifter we meet going to move in with us?"
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"He's not a drifter, Mom. That's Mr. Burns's son, Larry."
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"Hey! How you doing? Ooh, look at your hair."
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"He's kidding, Mom. But, seriously, I'd love to have hair like yours."
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"I just can't get the zoning permits."
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"Hey, that reminds me, Mom. Buckingham Palace called. They want their hat back."
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"- [Groans] - Hey, kids, how about a hand for your mom? She's all right."
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