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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer's Paternity Coot (S17E17)

"what the hello kitty?"
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"Tire spikes?"
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"They blocked my shortcut."
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"Be cool for once."
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"Today, 75 cents, in five years, 80!"
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"My tires have been severely damaged!"
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"I don't have four spares, mother."
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"You don't have four anything."
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"and it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire, the ring of fire"
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"where the melting ice cap has revealed a discovery so gruesome,"
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"we'll give you a moment to get the children out of the room."
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"A frozen mailman somehow buried in ice several decades ago."
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"Based on the ice core samples"
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"and the size of the mailman's bell-bottoms--"
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"Swinging for all, except for me."
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"The post office has promised to deliver"
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"every letter in this 40-year-old mailbag."
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"So get ready, Mr. Largo. you were accepted to juilliard."
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"I got in to julliard?!"
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"I'm C-3 D-2."
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"I got to make up for lost time!"
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"Sitting in a rocking chair, eating baby crackers"
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"Ticktock, ticktock,"
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"a-b-c-d-e-f-g"
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"Yeah, I got a 40-year-old letter here for Mrs. Abraham Simpson."
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"My grandma?"
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"I haven't seen her in years."
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"She ran away."
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"Ran away from all this?"
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"Hey, grandpa, we got a letter for grandma."
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"This may be my last chance to invade her privacy."
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"My dearest Mona."
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"You've just left my arms"
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"to return to your husband, Abe,"
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"and already,"
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"I ache for you.""
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"Mona cheated on me?"
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"I don't know how she found the time with her late night"
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"pottery classes and supermarket trips that took all weekend."
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"Lisa, I'm not sure that letter is age-appropriate reading."
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"Why can't the government edit our mail like other countries?"
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"but I want you to run away with me."
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"I'll know that you've chosen to stay with Abe,"
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""love always, M.""
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"That's ridiculous."
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"That was my baby in her belly."
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"Look how happy we were."
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"What the...?!"
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"Homer, that means your dad might not be your dad."
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"I don't care what that letter said."
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"This man raised me single-handedly."
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"When I think of all the things he's done for me,"
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"the many times he..."
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"You might bemy real father."
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"That would be a twist worthy of his increasingly lousy films."
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"Of course I'm your father."
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"Here, mush up your face, and you look just like me."
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"Yeah, but that also works for the dog's butt."
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"Hello, handsome."
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"could be resolved with a simple dna test."
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"Nertz to that."
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"Homer, I fed you and clothed you till you were 13."
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"If that's not a father, I don't know what is."
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"I'll be waiting for your apology on the old man bench at the mall."
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"I sit by the trash so people have to come up to me."
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"Finished your soda?"
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"Ooh, your hair's looking sharp from the back."
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"Did those pork chops give you a tummy ache?"
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"I can't stop wondering who my real father might be."
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"time after time if you fall,"
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"I'll be waiting"
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"There's only one lifeguard"
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"Mason Fairbanks."
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"stick to your cover story."
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"That sounds hard."
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"Just do it."
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"Can I help you?"
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"I'm doing a story on people who..."
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"wear sweaters."
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"Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"
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"I'd be delighted, but I must warn"
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"you, I don't wear a sweater every day."
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"Interesting. Interesting."
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"So, I infer from all the knickknacks,"
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"you're some sort of fruitcake."
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"No. Actually, I salvage valuables from sunken ships."
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"Oh, that is so cool."
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"Ooh, a dish of shrunken heads!"
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"So, you don't have any shrunken heads."
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"Well, my hat size is a number six."
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"It's smaller than average."
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"And this is the lady in my life."
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"You know it's a boat, right?"
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"Indeed I do."
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"I loved a real woman a long time ago, but,"
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"well, uh, I'm sure my listeners would"
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"No.I said I worked for a radio station."
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"Viewers? Wouldn't that be for a tv station?"
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"I think you're my pappy!"
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"Dear god, I always dreamed this day would come."
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"And now that it's here, there are so many feelings, I-I..."
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"Possible daddy!"
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"Perfectly all right."
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"Good evening, dumb-asses."
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"Tonight our guest is oscar nominee william H. Macy."
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"Thanks for having me on, guys."
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"Now, get him."
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"Besides bleeding."
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"Marge, I found my real father!"
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"His name is Mason Fairbanks,"
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"he has a knife just for cheese, and he talks like this."
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"Homer, please do that in the loo."
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"Oh, Homie, you just met this british man."
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"It's too soon to get so emotionally invested."
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"Honey, you've given me a lot to think about..."
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"Mr. Fairbanks, looking at your boat,"
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"I got to say, grandma bet on the wrong horse."
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"that the most valuable treasure is right here."
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"On this map."
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"These waters are home to a treasure lost hundreds of years ago--"
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