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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Vacation Solution (S05E05)

"For example, you're adorable, intelligent and a good earner."
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"I could conservatively see you going for at least two oxen and a goose."
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"You would fetch a unicorn."
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"Sheldon, there are a million great vacations you could take."
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"What about Hawaii?"
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"Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active volcano..."
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"...where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed."
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"Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii."
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"How about Florida?"
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"They got Cape Canaveral, they got Disney."
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"They got my Aunt Ida and the world's largest collection of diabetic candy."
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"And plus, if you get sweaty enough..."
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"...her plastic-covered furniture is like a flume ride."
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"My family took a trip to Florida when I was a child."
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"...I'd go back to the Two Bunch Palms Resort and Spa in the desert."
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"I tell you, an hour on the massage table with Trevor..."
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"Really? What was I doing to your neck last night while you were playing Xbox?"
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"Guys, I am living in a dictatorship."
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""You must take a vacation. You must have fun. You must enjoy life.""
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"I don't think you have a good handle on dictatorships."
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"Sheldon, everybody takes vacations."
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"One time, they tried to make Richard Feynman take a vacation."
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"He went to work in his friend's biology lab."
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"...part of the Manhattan Project."
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"Everyone in the world of science knows who Richard Feynman was."
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"Yeah, now you do too."
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"Oh. I have a brilliant idea. Amy's a biologist. I'll go work in her lab."
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"Isn't that just Feynman's idea?"
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"Ten seconds ago you never heard of him, now you're an expert."
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"- Hey. - Hey, you."
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"I didn't have any quarters."
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"So I've been sneaking stuff into other people's loads all day."
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"If I tell you something, you promise not to tell anybody?"
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"Doesn't matter what I say, you're gonna tell me anyway."
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"Wha...? That is not true."
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"Bernadette wants a prenup."
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"Wow."
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"If I became a famous movie star and we got married..."
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"If I'm gonna be at home with the kids..."
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"...while you're on location cheating on me with Ryan Gosling..."
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"...then Leonard gots to get paid."
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"So do you think about us getting married?"
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"I think about a lot of things."
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"I think about us getting married, about us breaking up."
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"Once in a while, I think about how I didn't leave a note on that Mercedes I dinged..."
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"...but then I have a glass of wine and it passes."
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"Joke all you want, but you think about it."
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"Well, tell you one thing, if I ever do get married, no Klingon invitations."
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"Good luck catching a man with that attitude."
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"Boy, oh, boy, this vacation is off to a wonderful start."
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"The whir of the centrifuge."
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"Mm, I can already feel my cares just melting away."
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"I'm excited to work with my boyfriend. It's romantic."
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"Way to kill the mood."
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"Come on, Sheldon. We can be like Marie Curie and her husband, Pierre..."
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"...who spent their days working side by side..."
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"...bathed in the glow of their love and the radium that ultimately killed her."
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"Screw Beauty and the Beast, that's the love story Disney should tell."
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"Okay. What do we start with?"
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"Maybe, uh, splicing some genes. Clone a sheep."
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"Perhaps, uh, grow a human ear on a mouse's back?"
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""Ha, ha! I'm a freak.""
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"Well, I'm gonna be doing some brain stem histology..."
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"...while you put yourself on the business end of a sponge..."
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"...and wash those beakers."
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"Wash those b... Oh, I get it."
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"Little hazing for the new fellow. Yeah. Better keep an eye out for, what..."
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"...shoe polish on the microscope..."
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"No, I just need those beakers washed. Hippity-hop, quick like a bunny."
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"Excuse me, you have Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab."
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"You're gonna make him do the dishes?"
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"That's like asking the incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar."
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"Sheldon, you've never worked in a lab like this before."
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"You have no experience in the field of biology."
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"I have plenty of experience in biology."
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"I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998..."
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"...and it's still alive. Let's do this."
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"Where's Howard?"
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"Just straight to, "Where's the other white guy?""
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"I'm sorry."
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"So, listen, I heard something about him. Can you keep it between us?"
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"Ooh, gossip. When I first got here..."
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"...I thought Americans really gossiped around the water cooler."
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"I hung out there for a month, but the only gossip I heard..."
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"...was about some creepy guy hanging out by the water cooler."
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"Bernadette wants to get a prenup."
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"Oh, that's a shame. He's gonna be devastated."
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"I never know what to do in these situations."
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"- Should I give him a heads up? - Hmm."
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"I'm gonna give you the advice I yell at the TV..."
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"...when the Bachelor is handing out roses."
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"Follow your heart."
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"Look at the size of that Rice Krispie Treat. Same price, ha, ha."
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"Ahem, hey, Howard, I need to tell you something."
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"I know, it's not on my wedding diet. I don't care."
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"No. Listen, I heard that Bernadette's thinking about asking you for a prenup."
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"A prenup?"
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"Heh, wow."
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"What are you gonna do?"
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"I don't know."
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"Follow your heart."
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"You know what? It's not a big deal."
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"I mean, she makes more money than me."
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"She wants to protect her financial interests."
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"- It's completely reasonable. - Good, that's a healthy attitude."
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"Actually, it's good for both of us. I have assets to protect too."
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"You know, the Vespa's almost paid off."
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"...right near the guy who played Mr. Roper on Three's Company."
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"Mr. Roper's dead?"
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"You can't just spring that on a guy."
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"Here you go."
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"This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates..."
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"...and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan."
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"Soap spots. Wash them again."
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"You're being ridiculous. Those are perfectly clean."
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"...from an elephant that died of syphilis."
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"If it's, in fact, perfectly clean, drink from it."
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"Biologists are mean."
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"Perhaps this task will be a little bit more up your alley."
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"I need you to count the bacteria spores on these petri dishes."
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