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Clips from The Detour - The Pilot (S01E01)

"♪ But I'm the one... ♪"
The Detour
"Excuse me? Excuse me, Miss?"
The Detour
"Are one of you girls using the toilet stall"
The Detour
"as a babysitter again?"
The Detour
"'Cause if so, Donnie's gonna flip."
The Detour
"I think I got my period."
The Detour
"Okay, what's your mom's name?"
The Detour
"- Robin. - Do you know her stage name?"
The Detour
"You're a mean person."
The Detour
"Friendly reminder... don't touch the girls."
The Detour
""If you'd like naked women, this place has naked women.""
The Detour
"- Why didn't you red that one? - I thought it was a joke."
The Detour
"Why would a milkshake place have naked women?"
The Detour
""Girl popped a bottle of champagne with her a-s-s.""
The Detour
"to figure out this isn't an ice cream place."
The Detour
"I'm not Colombo, okay?"
The Detour
"I'm not gonna discover America."
The Detour
"- No! - Why?!"
The Detour
"Because you're not old enough for this..."
The Detour
"Particular flavor of sadness."
The Detour
"You guys got rocky road?"
The Detour
"Actually, I think she works over at Chubby's now."
The Detour
"I'm not explaining that."
The Detour
"So every 28 days, it comes like clockwork,"
The Detour
"- if you're regular... - Delilah, sweetie, oh, my god."
The Detour
"Honey, are you okay? What are you doing here?"
The Detour
"It's cool. She got her menses,"
The Detour
"Oh, I'm so sorry."
The Detour
"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you."
The Detour
"- It's okay. - Oh."
The Detour
"Don't worry. We showed her the ropes."
The Detour
"Oh, well, thank you so much. What's your name?"
The Detour
"Vagabondage."
The Detour
"Well, thank you... Andrea."
The Detour
"- Vagandrea with a "V." - That's what I thought you said."
The Detour
"- You think I can... - Slow your roll, Marty Ray."
The Detour
"Yeah, raincoater... [bleep] off."
The Detour
"Nope. Let's go. Time to go."
The Detour
"Thank you so much. Thanks so much."
The Detour
"Bye! ...Come in here and talking about..."
The Detour
"Can we just not talk about it, please? It's fine."
The Detour
"Tell me everything you saw in there."
The Detour
"How many boobs did you see?"
The Detour
"I don't know. 57."
The Detour
"Your daughter has, um, well..."
The Detour
"What? She got her..."
The Detour
"in... in there? That's... So unfortunate."
The Detour
"- But wow. - Got her what?"
The Detour
"My baby can have babies now."
The Detour
"I mean, don't you go having babies."
The Detour
"Good luck trying to find some sucker"
The Detour
"who wants to hatch the eggs in that ugly forehead, huh?"
The Detour
"What?"
The Detour
"I said, try finding a dude who wants to grapple"
The Detour
"with this old baby hatch. Ow."
The Detour
"Do you not know where babies come from?"
The Detour
"I thought you said you explained this to him."
The Detour
"I did. I did. You said you knew."
The Detour
"I do. Toddy down the street told me."
The Detour
"Guy's cool. He's got his own trampoline."
The Detour
"Playa sit drops like a boss, like six in a row."
The Detour
"What are you talking about?"
The Detour
"- What? Toddy talks like that. - Can we please just leave?"
The Detour
"- Let's go. Let's go. - All right."
The Detour
"- Let's go. Come on. - Hold up, you guys."
The Detour
"Threw together a little care package for you..."
The Detour
"Got you some lip balm, some O.T.C. painkillers."
The Detour
"some scented sprays to keep the undercarriage in order."
The Detour
"This one's bubble gum with glitter."
The Detour
"- Okay. - Now this one smells like..."
The Detour
"I will take that. I'll just take that. Thank you."
The Detour
"- Careful. The cap's loose. - Oh, it is loose."
The Detour
"Can I see you pop a bottle of champagne"
The Detour
"- with your ass? - What? No."
The Detour
"No. No."
The Detour
"- I am so sorry about that. - What?"
The Detour
"Y'all are terrible parents."
The Detour
"Makes me glad I never knew mine."
The Detour
"but we've gotten off to a really rough start."
The Detour
"I mean, should we even be going on this trip?"
The Detour
"What? Why? What do you mean?"
The Detour
"The kids have been looking forward to this."
The Detour
"is gonna stay in the same resort as us."
The Detour
"Let's grab some waves in Fort Liquordale, Chaz.""
The Detour
"Hey, can we, uh, be quiet there in the back?"
The Detour
"I'm trying to talk to your dad about this."
The Detour
"I don't know if I'm prepared for 20 more hours of this."
The Detour
"It's only 17."
The Detour
"- don't you think? - They're dancers."
The Detour
"- Don't shame sex trader worker. - See that?"
The Detour
"- I did not pick that restaurant. - No."
The Detour
"Toddy's an idiot. Why do you listen to him?"
The Detour
"That's what an idiot would say!"
The Detour
"Guys, please, we're having a discussion."
The Detour
"- Just relax. - Telling me to relax"
The Detour
"I know. You're just being a little harsh with them."
The Detour
"I'm not mad at them."
The Detour
"There's a flying J on 13."
The Detour
"- in the shower. - Oh, yes, they do."
The Detour
"Jerry, oh, my god. Look."
The Detour
"- _ - What are we gonna do?"
The Detour
"Okay, get County Mountie on the blower."
The Detour
"I'm gonna drop back and follow 'em."
The Detour
"Breaker 1-9, 10-37 in progress."
The Detour
"We've got a situation on route 7."
The Detour
"That's a big 10-4, Ginger Drapes."
The Detour
"I just don't think we should make any rash decisions"
The Detour
"You know, let's stop and get a bite to eat"
The Detour
"- at an actual restaurant... - Go around me."
The Detour
"Go around. There's plenty of room."
The Detour
"God. Truckers. Go around!"
The Detour
"It's fine."
The Detour
"Wait. Where are you going? This is not the way."
The Detour
"- We go straight. - He's following us."
The Detour
"He's not following. Why would anyone wanna follow us?"
The Detour
"I don't know. To carjack us."
The Detour
"Rifle through our bags and steal our jewelry, perhaps."
The Detour
"Why would you even bring the good jewelry?"
The Detour
"I told you not to bring the good jewelry."
The Detour
"And I told you I wanted to fly."
The Detour
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