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Clips from The Detour - The Pilot (S01E01)

"What? No."
The Detour
"And it's not our fault that he's such a shitty driver."
The Detour
"Come on, get some!"
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"but, uh, couple of days later, we were on the beach,"
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"Now I want details."
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"Hands at 10 and 2. You keep it nice and straight"
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"till we get a little bit of speed."
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"I got this. Relax."
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"No, you just... no, you step on the brake, okay?"
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"And we come to a nice, gentle stop."
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"Delilah, sweetie, let's get out of the road."
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"This is an active highway."
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"Ready? Count of three. One, two, three."
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"Ugh, it's not going anywhere!"
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"Nope. I need you pushing... harder."
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"- You're so quick to give up on pushing. - Excuse me?"
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"I guess that's why we weren't born vaginally."
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"Well, you have a perfectly shaped head, so you're welcome."
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"Are you stepping on the brake or something?"
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"- Yep, nice and hard. - Ugh. Why would you do that?!"
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"- You said to. - I said after you started."
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"- Baby. - Sorry."
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"- What? - Okay, we're good."
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"10 and 2. Clutch. Okay? When I say, pop it."
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"- Got it? - Yep. Whoo!"
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"Yeah!"
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"- All right, pop it! - What?"
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"The one your foot is on!"
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"Yeah! All right! Yes!"
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"- No! Brake! - Turn, no brake?"
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"Brake!"
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"Jared! Oh, my god!"
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"Jackets on. Switch the arm."
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"I think I'm gonna take half a sleeping pill."
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"Are you sure your sister's up for this?"
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"Yeah, she's just watching the cat"
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"Yeah, no shit."
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"You can leave Noonie with me."
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"I'm not even sure what she said."
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"She's more responsible than she looks."
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"Just call me if you have any questions, okay?"
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"Please don't kill her."
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"I love you, little bunny."
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"Why are we taking blue thunder?"
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"- Yeah, that's a trip. - It's got a bad starter motor."
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"Hey, I'll stat her motor."
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"No. 3 in the morning. So not in the mood."
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"Sorry. I'm just... I'm really tired. Okay."
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"But I promise, we're gonna do it at least twice."
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"- Wow. - Yeah."
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"Whatchu doing there?"
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"Whatchu doing there?"
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"- What? - Whatchu doing there?"
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"No, no, no. Go back to sleep. It's fine."
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"Is that Punxsutawney Phil?"
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"I had to get gas, and the G.P.S. said"
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"the highway one was open,"
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"but I wasn't, so I had to keep driving."
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"Why are we in Penis-lavania?"
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"- She's pissed. - Baby, baby, baby, baby."
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"Tell me why I'm not on a plane right now."
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"Can we please just get back in the car and talk about this,"
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"- We're just driving. - But you didn't think to tell me that?"
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"- You fell asleep. - But we had plane tickets."
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"There's more pumps. Just go around!"
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"Thanks so much. Thank you."
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"- Truckers, right? - Whatchu doing there?"
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"- Hmm? - The... where are the plane tickets?"
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"was up in the air, right?"
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"Oh, my god. Oh, my go. So you get the refundable tickets."
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"I thought we retired "impulsive Nate.""
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"I thought about this a lot, okay?"
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"And I made a necessary financial decision."
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"So you're the decider now."
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"You don't talk to me about things."
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"Can we please just get back in the car?"
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"- We'll talk. We'll talk. - Whatchu doin' there?"
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"Yes, exactly. What am I doing here?"
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"Yeah!"
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"Here we go. Here we go!"
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"Jared, what do we got for breakfast, huh?"
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"Ice cream for breakfast sounds like vacation to me,"
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"- What do you say, Duper D? - Whatevs."
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"Something's going on."
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"- Are you having a mid-life crisis? - No."
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"- She's younger. - Not what I asked."
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"Oh, my god! What is this guy's problem?"
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"Pennsylvania drivers... they're the worst!"
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"a way to not go through Pennsylvania."
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"Who's up for a game of accents, huh?"
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"- That's the hardest one for me. - I know. That's why I chose it."
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"I didgeridoo."
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"Oh, there she is. There's Momsy."
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"I am wonderin', though, if maybe Daddy hasn't"
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"lost his marbles."
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"Well, this game backfired on me, but we're in luck."
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"- Whoo! - Whoo!"
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"- Whoo! - Banana!"
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"What kind of ice cream place is this?"
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"Adrian P. says the cherries are poppin'."
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"Hey, if the truckers eat here,"
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"and then fling them at hitchhikers."
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"Yeah, you can be whatever you want when you grow up."
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"This is gonna be great. How great is this?"
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"Kids! Can you wait, please?"
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"See? They're always running away from us."
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"This is our chance to dial in, connect as a family."
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"to justify what you did, that's great. That's fine."
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"But you know what? Just for the record,"
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"what kind of a milkshake place was that?!"
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"Um..."
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"Banana Creamery? Are you kidding me with this?"
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"Why did all those girls have wedgies?"
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"Hey! I got child protective services on speed dial."
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"- Do I need to use it? - No."
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"Oh, god. Where's Delilah?"
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"Bathrooms are for paying customers only."
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"I mean, with a name like this, it must happen all the time."
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"Not really."
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"That's standard... I-I've heard."
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