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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S02E02)

"I don't care if it's a Wehrmacht reunion party."
Archer (2009)
"So where are we supposed to sleep?"
Archer (2009)
"- Voilà. MALORY: No."
Archer (2009)
"Where's the other? Greasing up in the bathroom?"
Archer (2009)
"- Exactly, two of you. GILLETTE: Wha...?"
Archer (2009)
"- Ha. Excuse me? - I am not sharing a bed."
Archer (2009)
"...for whatever's on that damn disk."
Archer (2009)
"Which had better be worth this splitting headache."
Archer (2009)
"- Thanks, Mother. MALORY: Oh, shu... Aah!"
Archer (2009)
"Why isn't there a metal briefcase full of bearer bonds..."
Archer (2009)
"Uh, you just answered your own question."
Archer (2009)
"Relax. The money's totally safe, on deposit with the casino."
Archer (2009)
"Now if you will excusez-moi..."
Archer (2009)
"Ah, Monsieur Archer."
Archer (2009)
"Sorry. Ha!"
Archer (2009)
"Sorry, sorry. I was laughing at your name."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: I mean, because you know what it sounds like, right?"
Archer (2009)
"- See? Physically impossible. - Does monsieur require anything else?"
Archer (2009)
"Yes, I do, Benoit balls."
Archer (2009)
"Monsieur desires more champagne, steak frites..."
Archer (2009)
"...a post-Jacuzzi female companion, and for somebody to get up here..."
Archer (2009)
"As thick as possible, while still being swan-shape foldable."
Archer (2009)
"Pardon, monsieur, but as I said, the suite royale is reserved for..."
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Sterling Malory Archer. - And there goes my erection."
Archer (2009)
"- Hi, Mother. - We're switching rooms."
Archer (2009)
"[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]"
Archer (2009)
"Perhaps that will teach you to insult the proud nation of Monaco."
Archer (2009)
"Now, if you will excuse moi, I must go and find fresh towels and a whore."
Archer (2009)
"If one red cent of that money is missing..."
Archer (2009)
"...when we make the exchange with Lachouffe..."
Archer (2009)
"Which I'm not going to do. Duh?"
Archer (2009)
"- Mother, I've done this tons of times. - Wha...? With ISIS money?"
Archer (2009)
"And you have to steal it back because I, um, slightly borrowed it."
Archer (2009)
"[BEEPING]"
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: Huh? What in the world?"
Archer (2009)
"Also irrelevant, because you're not going to screw this up, are you?"
Archer (2009)
"- You better not. - Oh, my God."
Archer (2009)
"I wouldn't think."
Archer (2009)
"Four million dollars gone. Every single account has been wiped out."
Archer (2009)
"All except Miss Archer's."
Archer (2009)
"- Is that a lot? - Maybe not to you, Glenda Gotrocks."
Archer (2009)
"Which is funny why?"
Archer (2009)
"You think it's just a coincidence Mr. Archer took $4 million to Monte Carlo?"
Archer (2009)
"- What? - He took what where?"
Archer (2009)
"- Shit-snacking crackers. - Oh, that thieving bastard."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: What? - Lady luck, monsieur."
Archer (2009)
"Oui, in the Jacuzzi of your free suite, in which monsieur desires to remain."
Archer (2009)
"[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]"
Archer (2009)
"What is "bonk"? Does that mean l...?"
Archer (2009)
"Lose? Hang on. That was..."
Archer (2009)
"Shit. Or whatever, merde."
Archer (2009)
"Okay, what does that mean? Do l...? Win? Really? Just like that, 50 grand?"
Archer (2009)
"Do you want anything?"
Archer (2009)
"Gummi bears all around."
Archer (2009)
"Okay. Let's play some goddamn cards."
Archer (2009)
"Goddamn it, woman, wipe that grin off your pie face."
Archer (2009)
"He's killing me."
Archer (2009)
"[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]"
Archer (2009)
"I was up for a while, then down, then up for a really long time, but then..."
Archer (2009)
"- And I thought you didn't gamble. - I don't."
Archer (2009)
"And now all the candy is Mother's..."
Archer (2009)
"[SOBS]"
Archer (2009)
"...because crybaby hit on 17 again."
Archer (2009)
"Why do you do anything you do?"
Archer (2009)
"- Archer, when your mother finds out... - No, Ray, you cannot tell her."
Archer (2009)
"- I'm telling your mother. - Telling her what?"
Archer (2009)
"Come on."
Archer (2009)
"Just how drunk are you?"
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, for the... - We're meeting Lachouffe in two hours."
Archer (2009)
"I'll clean him up, try to get some coffee in him."
Archer (2009)
"- Make sure that's all you put in him. - Sorry, what?"
Archer (2009)
"- Keep it in your pants, sister. - Ha-ha-ha."
Archer (2009)
"Wow, all these years, I've never seen Archer, like, "drunk" drunk."
Archer (2009)
"- Uh, ahem. - Anyhoo... Ooh, I think I see a duke."
Archer (2009)
"- Ugh. What? CYRIL [OVER PHONE]: Nice."
Archer (2009)
"Glad you can still be snotty while Archer's gambling away your 401(k)."
Archer (2009)
"LANA [OVER PHONE]: My what? - Tell her I said hey."
Archer (2009)
"- Everybody's. - But Archer wasn't gambling."
Archer (2009)
"- He was just drunk. Aah. CYRIL: Lana, did you hear me?"
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: I thought you spoke French."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, shit! CYRIL: Lana."
Archer (2009)
"Well, whatever. I have a plan to get the money back."
Archer (2009)
"Look at your pores, then tell me you're using them."
Archer (2009)
"- Thanks for the lotion. - Ray, we can do this."
Archer (2009)
"Well, no, not exactly, but..."
Archer (2009)
"- Because you're gay? - They're unregistered and untraceable."
Archer (2009)
"...is whatever asshole physically holds the piece of paper."
Archer (2009)
"I don't know why you're so pissed off. Technically, that money was mine."
Archer (2009)
"- What? - I have a 401(k)?"
Archer (2009)
"I had almost 200 grand in there, you... Oh, okay, that is it."
Archer (2009)
"Down. Ray, put it down, or I swear..."
Archer (2009)
"- Archer, I will put you down. - Well, how am I the bad guy?"
Archer (2009)
"But why would she pay 4 million bucks for unverified information?"
Archer (2009)
"- Well, either she's getting Alzheimer's... - Hey."
Archer (2009)
"...or she thinks it's another sex tape. - Hey."
Archer (2009)
"Actually, that would not surprise me."
Archer (2009)
"...and we only have 1 million."
Archer (2009)
"Look, Lana, I feel bad enough as it is."
Archer (2009)
"She's in the bar, hitting on a duke."
Archer (2009)
"I bet you get chilly at night, all alone in that great big castle."
Archer (2009)
"- Ray, that's where you come in. ARCHER: Ew."
Archer (2009)
"GILLETTE: Yeah, he's like 1000. LANA: You're not gonna have sex with him."
Archer (2009)
"GILLETTE: Well, wait, he is a duke. LANA: No means no."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: But wait, he's expecting Mother. LANA: Yup."
Archer (2009)
"- Lf they're even in the casino. - Well, where else would they be, Ray?"
Archer (2009)
"ANNOUNCER: It's the second qualifying round in the Monaco Grand Prix..."
Archer (2009)
"...and, oh, they're really burning up the streets of Monte Carlo."
Archer (2009)
"Can you not rub your dick in my mother's pantyhose? Please."
Archer (2009)
"- Why would somebody tie up the guards? - Duh. So they could rob the..."
Archer (2009)
"[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]"
Archer (2009)
"- Benoit. ARCHER: Balls."
Archer (2009)
"Well, he couldn't have gone far in 10 minutes. It's a zoo out there."
Archer (2009)
"- There's a zoo here? LANA: Wow, okay."
Archer (2009)
"- The Grand Prix. - They could have both, Lana."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, so, uh, hey, how would you guys like a color copier..."
Archer (2009)
"And some blowjobs."
Archer (2009)
"I mean, printers."
Archer (2009)
"Balls. And we might if you two would stop being bitches for five seconds."
Archer (2009)
"Oh."
Archer (2009)
"- Hand over the bag, Benoit. - Balls."
Archer (2009)
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