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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Phyllis Diller (S01E01)

"♪ When the sun goes down and the tide goes out"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ And the people gather 'round and they all begin to shout"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ What a dance do they do"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ They don't need no band"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ They keep time by clapping their hands"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Just as happy as a cow a-chewing on the cud"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Ooh!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ When the sun goes down and the tide goes out"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Hey, hey, Uncle Dud"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Lordy, how I'm telling you"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ When the people beat their feet, when the people beat their feet"
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"Ah-hah!"
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"Bravo, oh, bravo!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Wonderful, just wonderful."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"How would you know? You're not even facing the stage."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Why did you have to tell me?"
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"I was having such a good time."
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"Yeah, great number. Really good. Really good."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Hey! Hey, who forgot to wipe their feet?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I thought I told you guys to wipe your feet."
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"Oh, nice lady, huh?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Scooter, just between you and me,"
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"She jokes about it all the time."
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"Ah, that's wonderful."
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"as long as possible."
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"Mmm."
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"Maybe I should consider that. Hmm?"
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"After all, I am 35."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Hey, hey, is it possible Hilda's 35?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Only around the waist."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"the one and only Phyllis Diller."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(Rowlf plays jazz piano)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Say there, sailor. You new in town?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Do you make it a habit of annoying beautiful women?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Why are you hounding me?"
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"Cut the comedy. I'm depressed."
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"Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, let me buy you a drink."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I don't drink with strangers."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'm Phyllis."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'll have a triple cream soda on the rocks."
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"Uh, miss, two triple cream sodas on the rocks."
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"Now, what's wrong?"
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"It's just that I'm such a loser."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Ah, I know what you mean. I am, too."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Do you know someone gave me a beautiful white mink stole?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Within a month, I had developed black dandruff."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh. Oh, that is depressing."
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"But do you know that my fleas have started wearing dog collars"
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"just to get rid of me?"
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"Oh, I know the feeling."
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"I was in the backyard singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.""
The Muppet Show (1976)
"It fell on me."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I went to a taffy pull. The taffy won."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I swear if I bought a new hat, they'd cancel Easter."
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"Listen, I went to Hollywood"
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"and fell in love with a movie star - Lassie."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"She left me for Francis the Talking Mule."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I bought one of those expensive new cars"
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"that goes from zero to 60 in three hours and 27 minutes."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I had to put it in low to get off a wad of gum."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"OK. I went to the beauty parlor, and the lady at the desk said,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
""Madam, we do repairs, not reclamations.""
The Muppet Show (1976)
"So then I asked the hairdresser what I should use on my hair."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"He said, "A match.""
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"But, you see, I was born ugly."
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"I have home movies of my folks leaving the hospital"
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"with sacks over their heads."
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"My father asked the doctor, "Is it a boy or a girl?""
The Muppet Show (1976)
"He said, "No.""
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I tell you, Rowlf, I'm just a born loser."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Aw, maybe. But you don't know what it's like to live life as a dog."
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"Don't be so sure, fella."
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"Listen, I gotta go now."
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"Hey, wait a minute. What's wrong?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'm having too good a time. A girl just can't be miserable in this dump."
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"Why, you and me could be rotten together."
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"Oh!"
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"That was fantastic."
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"What a performer she is."
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"Mmm, what's her secret? What's her magic?"
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"What's her name?"
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"You've forgotten, too, huh?"
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"Well, whoever she is, she's every bit as funny as Phyllis Diller."
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"Who is? Uh, I forget."
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"Oh, good. Nobody is around."
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"Time for old Hilda to become young Hilda."
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"Oh! Everybody is going to be so surprised."
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"They won't even recognize their old wardrobe mistress."
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"Hi, Hilda."
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"Hey, the opening-number costumes are downstairs."
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"Would you bring 'em up here, please?"
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"And then again, I could be wrong."
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"Here's a Muppet news flash. Dateline, Mobile, Alabama."
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"Mrs. Beverly Shepherd"
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"has made aviation history in this southern city."
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"Last week, Mrs. Shepherd made a pair of wings,"
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"strapped them to her body and flew to Dallas, Texas."
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"Here she is direct from Texas to tell us the details."
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"Gosh! Am I really on TV?"
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"Yes, Mrs. Shepherd, you are."
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"Now, can you tell us the details of this astounding accomplishment?"
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"What was so astounding? It was so easy."
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"and I covered them with chicken feathers,"
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"and then I fitted them with straps for my arms."
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"Then I went out to the airport"
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"What's the big deal?"
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"I'm sure I have no idea."
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"(♪ tea dance music)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, I'm so crazy about you, I can't see straight."
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"Oh! Oh, I'm so goofy about you, I can't eat."
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"Oh! Oh, I'm so much in love with you, I can't even sleep."
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"Oh, well, what should we do? Well, I, uh..."
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"Check into a hospital, man."
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"Yeah, pay attention. I'm leading."
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"1, 2, 3, dip. Uh!"
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"Oh, that's what I don't like about him."
The Muppet Show (1976)
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