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Clips from New Girl - Menzies (S02E02)

"No, I can't do this to Robby."
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"But you're a bad person, we discussed that. I'm a bad person, we can totally do this."
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"- No qualms. - I have a qualm."
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"- I have a qualm. - We sold our qualms."
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"- We used the profits to buy perfect bodies. - Robby is right."
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"- I'm nice. - I'm not nice, all right?"
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"I like Robby, but that is doing nothing right now from stopping me..."
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"...from wanting to kiss you. - Stop."
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"- I don't wanna stop. - Ha, ha."
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"I really don't. I will never stop wanting to kiss you."
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"I am a monster."
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"- I gotta go. - Sure, have fun."
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"- Thank you, I really needed this. - Mm-hm."
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"[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]"
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"And I..."
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"...am a monster."
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"Okay. What is this place?"
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"What are you?"
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"What would you like? What does this mean?"
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"Let's not take off our clothes."
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"Let's go back to the park where it was goo..."
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"What do I know?"
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"We're taking our pants off?"
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"[NICK GROANING]"
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"[FLUTE PLAYING PEACEFUL MUSIC]"
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"Why are you cradling me like a baby, friend?"
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"This is not how guys of my generation hang out."
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"This is a moment that got away from me, my man."
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"Oh, no."
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"Oh, that's my butt."
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"This is intimate."
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"[NICK SIGHS]"
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"NICK [WHISPERS]: How did you know?"
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"[NICK SIGHS]"
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"I am a huge baby."
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"Forget it, I'm done. I'm not getting a teaching job."
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"- Mm. - Just can't go back out there, you know?"
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"I feel you, Jess. I took a sick day."
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"I just stayed at home and did a watercolor of mountains."
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"You gonna get this every month?"
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"It's a possibility from all the information I've read on the internet."
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"Women like you are the alpha."
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"- What? - You're like the powerful moon..."
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"...and all the women in your life are just latched on to your cycle."
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"In my case, grown-ass man."
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"Oh, yeah, good news."
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"The gang's all here."
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"- Right now I feel very fragile. - I understand."
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"- What's wrong with you? - I'm no longer angry."
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"All the anger that used to be inside of me, it's gone! It's gone! It's gone!"
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"This is the worst thing I've ever seen."
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"- What is wrong with you? - Don't."
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"Period's got you down? That is such a raw deal."
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"- Want me to get you a sanitary napkin? - Ew!"
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"Okay, I won't get that. You're okay with pads, or tampons, or whatever you're using?"
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"[BLOWS RASPBERRY]"
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"Tell me about your day, please. I wanna get into your universe, so let's rap it out. Go."
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"Floor is yours, pal."
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"Talk, talk, talk. I wanna listen."
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"- Thirty seconds of direct eye contact. - Stop it, Nick, please."
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"In three seconds I'll be silent. One, two, three."
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"- I bombed all my interviews. - What? What happened?"
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"I was sabotaged by my baby box. Which means..."
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"...I'm never gonna trust anything that comes out of it. That rules out a family."
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"I know just the thing you need. Come with me."
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"Welcome to the wonderful world of water massage."
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"You are a piece of seaweed."
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"- You are totally happy. - Ow!"
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"- You're touching my boobs. - I don't mean to."
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"- Next move it... - Oh, my God!"
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"NICK: Relaxing is important! Relaxing is important!"
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"- Right there! JESS: Aah!"
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"- Oh, no. - What are you trying to do..."
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"...kill me? - It worked for me."
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"Been watching you doubt yourself for months."
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"- I'm not... - You're doubting yourself, Jess."
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"- It's PMS. - It's not PMS."
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"You got knocked down. It's time to get back up."
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"And get up long enough for one of these bozos to hire you."
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"I believe in you."
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"So does that guy."
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"Hey."
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"Think you can do that?"
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"And if you don't, I'm gonna water massage you again."
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"- Can you do that? - Yes."
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"- Can you do that? - Yes!"
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"Jessica Day?"
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"- Yes, I'm here. - Weren't you here the other day?"
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"Heh. Weren't you here the other day?"
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"Yes, I was."
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"SCHMIDT: Well, I signed it."
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"Please note the added provision."
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"In any autobiographical account of my life, you wanna be referred to as "Moeses Purdue.""
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"Non-negotiable."
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"But you're fine with the rest of it?"
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"Look, I'm a depraved freak and I want to wander into your Narnia of sexual terror..."
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"...and emerge like a freshly birthed calf."
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"- Put your hands out. - Let's do this."
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"Are you ready?"
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"Okay, interesting technique."
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"- Hold on. - I mean, I can totally get out of this."
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"- You never bound somebody before? - I gotta start over."
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"Is this your first time?"
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"- Are you rejecting me? - I... No."
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"[CHUCKLES]"
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"- Now take off your pants. - Okay."
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"- Now! - All right..."
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"I got it. I got it."
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"- Right there... Oh. - Should...?"
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"No, I got it, we got it, hold on, I got it."
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"I did it. I did it."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, drum roll please."
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"[NICK IMITATING DRUMS, JESS IMITATING CYMBALS]"
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"Cut! Cut, Nick."
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"Snare drum. I shouldn't have to specify. Jess, that was a cymbal."
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"- Cymbals are part of the drum kit. - Yeah."
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"Nevertheless, we are gathered here today to celebrate the reemployment of Jessica F. Day."
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"- Not my middle initial. - Who will again be in the classroom with kids."
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"Actually, I'm gonna be remolding the minds of grownups."
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"I'm gonna be teaching creative writing to adults."
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