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Clips from Three's Company - Stanley Casanova (S02E02)

"your wife was just here, and she saw you."
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"Mr. Roper, your wife was just in here, and she saw you with that girl."
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"Can you have a smiling heart attack?"
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"Mr. Roper, I don't think... Tell me again about how she came in and saw me."
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"Oh, that's good! That's very good!"
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"Uh, listen, Joanie. There's something I want to tell you..."
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"that I didn't tell you before."
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"But, uh, don't take it hard, huh, kid?"
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"You mean you lied about your half-inch pipe?"
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"There's no easy way to tell you, so I'll just come right out with it."
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"But you gotta promise me something... no tears."
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"Oh, I promise."
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"It's all over between us."
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"Over?"
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"You promised no tears. Oh, I'm smiling. See?"
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"No kidding!"
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"Aw, don't take it so hard."
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"You're young. I mean, there's lots more pebbles in the ocean."
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"Just... try to act as though I never existed."
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"I'll do my best."
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"I'll see you around, sweetheart."
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"- Good night, kids. - You two-timer."
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"Right!"
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"Jack, after what I just went through,"
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"that dinner better be good."
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"I got it fine. Thank you."
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"Isn't he cute?"
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"He can make me do almost anything. Oh, get outta here."
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"Good night."
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"Why do you have to take her to dinner? You know what time it is?"
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"It's time for The Regal Beagle sing-along! Jack, listen!"
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"A free drink to the best voice. ♪ I've been working on the railroad ♪"
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"[ Jack, Chrissy ] ♪ All the live-long day ♪ ♪ Whoo, whoo, whoo ♪"
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"Stop it!"
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"You don't like that song? I got another one."
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"[ Jack, Chrissy ] ♪ Alouette gentille Alouette, Alouette ♪ Okay, stop."
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"♪ Je te plumerai... ♪♪ Stop it. Stop it!"
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"Janet. What?"
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"I like that song."
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"Chrissy, don't you understand?"
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"Jack is the one who got that girl together with Mr. Roper."
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"Aw, Jack. Did you?"
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"The man came in here feeling depressed. He was really down."
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"He said he wasn't attractive to women, so I asked Joan to be nice to him."
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"- Well, that was very thoughtful of you. - I thought you'd understand."
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"Right. Now all you have to do is make Mrs. Roper understand. Come on."
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"Are you kidding? I can't leave my post. I promised Steve I'd stay..."
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"Oh, hi, Steve. Hi, girls."
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"[ Together ] Hi. Jack, thanks for covering for me, huh?"
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"You can take off now. No, no. I'll stay and wash the glasses while you mix drinks."
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"Oh, look, Jack! What?"
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"They're very attached to me."
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"Hello, Stanley."
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"How are ya?"
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"Oh, fine. Just fine."
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"You are?"
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"Ketchup? It's not ketchup! It's lipstick!"
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"Lipstick, from kissing!"
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"All right, it's lipstick from kissing."
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"You better wash it off."
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"Helen, I was down at The Beagle with a girl, a pretty girl!"
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"And you saw me, and I know you saw me because the girls told me you saw me!"
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"Oh, Stanley!"
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"I saw you. I admit it."
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"And you knew I saw you, but that wasn't enough for you, was it?"
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"No, you had to make me admit it out loud!"
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"You had to rub my nose in it!"
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"All right, you found a young, pretty girl? Go to her!"
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"Helen, you don't understand."
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"I just wanted to prove that another woman would find me attractive, and I proved it."
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"All right, you proved it!"
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"So go to her! I hope you'll be happy!"
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"I don't wanna be happy! I wanna be with you."
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"Oh!"
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"Oh! Where you going?"
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"Mrs. Roper! Would you wait a minute, please! [ Chrissy Gasps ]"
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"Oh, my God, we're too late! She's done it! Oh, no!"
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"I was cutting some fruit."
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"[ Sighs ] Oh."
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"No, it was just an apple, but I like your idea better."
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"No, wait! Jack, tell her quick."
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"She's got a knife in her hand. Tell her!"
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"Tell me? What? What? Mrs. Roper?"
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"You know that girl you saw Mr. Roper with tonight?"
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"Well, she was being nice to him because I asked her to."
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"What? Yes. See, I put her up to it. It's all my fault."
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"Oh, Jack!"
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"Oh! [ Laughing ]"
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"It's so good to be back in the driver's seat again."
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"[ Singsong Voice ] Stanley."
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"I wanna talk to you."
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"Hold it. I'll do the talkin'. Sit down."
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"Look, Stan... Sit!"
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"Yes, Stanley?"
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"When I went down to The Beagle, I felt like a nothin',"
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"but I learned something."
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"I learned that other women find me attractive, very attractive."
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"Maybe I shouldn't have been with her."
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"But what's a man to do when a beautiful girl climbs all over him?"
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"Now I know what guys like Paul Newman have to put up with."
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"Paul Newman?"
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"Yeah. Poor guy. He's got the same problem I have."
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"Well, all I can say is,"
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"from now on, for your sake,"
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"I'll just try not to be so... fascinating."
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"Stanley?"
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"Would you like me to fix you..."
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"a nice, hot cup of cocoa?"
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"Yeah."
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"No."
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"Wait a minute. I'm going to bed."
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"Well, isn't it a little early?"
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"Well, if, uh... If you care to join me..."
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"[ Snaps Fingers ]"
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"Oh, gee whiz, I'm so hungry."
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"I wish Jack weren't taking this bartending practicing so seriously."
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"He's been in that kitchen for hours, practicing making drinks."
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"He doesn't wanna make any mistakes the next time."
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"Yeah, but enough is enough. I'm really starving."
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"Hey, Jack! Jack, listen. Could you come out here for just a second?"
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