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Clips from The Simpsons (1989) - Diary Queen (S32E32)

"How did he do it? How did he do it?"
The Simpsons (1989)
"Do I have two high‐achieving kids?"
The Simpsons (1989)
"Oh, be realistic, Marge."
The Simpsons (1989)
"He must be hiding something."
The Simpsons (1989)
"♪ ♪"
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"Ah, he's clean."
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"And so is his room."
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"I see you couldn't find out how he did it."
The Simpsons (1989)
"No offense, Mom, but mind if I take a whack?"
The Simpsons (1989)
"Help yourself."
The Simpsons (1989)
"How, Maggie? How?"
The Simpsons (1989)
"Oh, the treehouse, right."
The Simpsons (1989)
"The answer's in the treehouse."
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"This is a new low, even for you."
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"Thanks."
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"What dirt did you find?"
The Simpsons (1989)
"I'm only on page 35, but it's so clear she thought I was great."
The Simpsons (1989)
"She really liked me."
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"Even when I brought in a dead bird from outside,"
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"What?"
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"She was writing that about her cat."
The Simpsons (1989)
"She loved how much I love tuna."
The Simpsons (1989)
"I don't remember that either, but it was meaningful to her."
The Simpsons (1989)
"Listen, Bart..."
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"And she said I was too adorable to be sterilized."
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"Oh, her words, not mine."
The Simpsons (1989)
"- Bart... - She believed in me."
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"And now I believe in myself."
The Simpsons (1989)
"And I'll tell you something crazy: I loved getting that "A.""
The Simpsons (1989)
"Which means, you know what? Suddenly, I get you."
The Simpsons (1989)
"You don't suck."
The Simpsons (1989)
"You not only don't suck, you believe in my potential, too."
The Simpsons (1989)
"Don't you?"
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"(groans)"
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"We're just two smart kids."
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"I... I... I..."
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"I believe in you, too."
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"And I have nothing more to say except... (grunts)"
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"Nothing but... (groans)"
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"Which is worse, to be cruel or to lie?"
The Simpsons (1989)
"They're both great, just like us."
The Simpsons (1989)
"Two smart kids."
The Simpsons (1989)
"I'm gonna change someone else's life for the better."
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"(cash register dings)"
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"BART: Willie?"
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"I heard‐‐ can't say where‐‐"
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"that you're actually pretty lonely."
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"So I got you this little guy."
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"A Scotsman lonely?"
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"Bannocks to that!"
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"for me evening stew!"
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"And when you grow fat enough,"
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"I'll stick you in a bubbling pot of water..."
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"for your Saturday bath."
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"Oh, I love you."
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"(groans) This lie has made Bart a new man."
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"(hyperventilating)"
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"Relax. Relax."
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"- What's this? - You've got bumpies!"
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"Let me give you some lotion."
The Simpsons (1989)
"I'll be fine."
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"I just need a calming bath and a good night's sleep."
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"(chanting): Om... om..."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"Hmm. Sometimes tension hives are the result of inner stress."
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"Is anything bothering you, young lady?"
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"Just the usual‐‐ global disasters,"
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"artificial intelligence taking over,"
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"Hmm. Well, I could refer you to psychological counseling,"
The Simpsons (1989)
"but why fix what you can numb?"
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"So I'm gonna prescribe some Sleepy and Dopey's"
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"children's chewable Xanax."
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"(laughs)"
The Simpsons (1989)
"I don't want my daughter on meds."
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"You seem upset, Marge."
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"Talk to your doctor about Troxodone."
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"You are my doctor."
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"Well, well, well. Fancy that."
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"(laughs)"
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"This is gonna turn your life"
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"into an oasis of peaceful zombitude."
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"Side effects may include bleeding out your ears,"
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"Portuguese insolence, wandering eyebrow,"
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"intense longing for death, and seeing yourself"
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"as others see you. (laughs)"
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"When the last student finishes using the lice comb,"
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"please pass it back up."
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"For me?"
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"But my shelves are already groaning with kudos."
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"- Not for you. - Aw."
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"For the only student who's shown dramatic improvement"
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"in the history of this school: Bart Simpson!"
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"I'll take names if I don't hear cheers."
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"STUDENTS (chanting): Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart!"
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"I just want to say thank you, Mrs. K."
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"And now, his sister, Lisa Simpson,"
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"will lead us in a round of "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow.""
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"♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪"
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"♪ For he's a jolly good fellow... ♪"
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"To the laser tag water park!"
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"(students cheering)"
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"Take the freeway! It's quicker!"
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"♪ All of it's based on a lie ♪"
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"♪ All of it's based on a lie ♪"
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"♪ For he's a jolly big phony ♪"
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"(clears throat) Assembly item number two:"
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"- don't take drugs. - I don't!"
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"Our most successful assembly ever."
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"Hmm."
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"What if there's a remainder?"
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"Still a little scary."
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"You wanted to do well, but you're not even studying."
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"You don't have to study when you're on a roll."
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"You heard them cheering me."
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"STUDENTS (chanting): Bart! Bart! Bart! Not Lisa!"
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"I wish you hadn't had them do that."
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"You know what I'm gonna do now?"
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"I'm gonna enter the spelling bee."
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"Um, really? Just like that?"
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"No problem."
The Simpsons (1989)
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