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Clips from Clerks.

TV Movies 1995 22 min ★ 4.5/10 (543 ratings) 1,595 clips
Comedy

Credits

I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag.
"I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag."
Clerks.
You're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you,
"You're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you,"
Clerks.
- Yeah. - Forty. - Fifty-three.
"- Yeah. - Forty. - Fifty-three."
Clerks.
That's what you're doing now by paying for this so-called privilege to smoke !
"That's what you're doing now by paying for this so-called privilege to smoke !"
Clerks.
Of course we're all gonna die someday ! Do we have to pay for it ?
"Of course we're all gonna die someday ! Do we have to pay for it ?"
Clerks.
and say, ""Please, Mr. Merchant of Death, sir, please,
"and say, ""Please, Mr. Merchant of Death, sir, please,"
Clerks.
Let me tell you about another group of hate-mongers that were just following orders.
"Let me tell you about another group of hate-mongers that were just following orders."
Clerks.
- Who's that ? - They were called Nazis !
"- Who's that ? - They were called Nazis !"
Clerks.
- Yeah. - No, you're loitering and causing a disturbance.
"- Yeah. - No, you're loitering and causing a disturbance."
Clerks.
- That's right. - Smoke my big fat cock !
"- That's right. - Smoke my big fat cock !"
Clerks.
Let's see some credentials. Slowly !
"Let's see some credentials. Slowly !"
Clerks.
- You're a Chewlies gum representative ? - [ Man ] Chewlies ?
"- You're a Chewlies gum representative ? - [ Man ] Chewlies ?"
Clerks.
I have enough indignities in my life and people start throwing cigarettes at me.
"I have enough indignities in my life and people start throwing cigarettes at me."
Clerks.
Then quit. You should be going to school anyway.
"Then quit. You should be going to school anyway."
Clerks.
- You tell Veronica ? - One fight a day with Veronica is all l can stomach, thanks.
"- You tell Veronica ? - One fight a day with Veronica is all l can stomach, thanks."
Clerks.
- l bet the most frequent topic of arguments is Caitlin Bree. - You win.
"- l bet the most frequent topic of arguments is Caitlin Bree. - You win."
Clerks.
- l think this is leading our relationship to a new level. - What about Veronica ?
"- l think this is leading our relationship to a new level. - What about Veronica ?"
Clerks.
You, Veronica, Caitlin and Caitlin's fiancé.
"You, Veronica, Caitlin and Caitlin's fiancé."
Clerks.
- Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. - Uh, one second.
"- Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. - Uh, one second."
Clerks.
- [ Child ] Happy Scrappy-- - She loves it. - Obviously.
"- [ Child ] Happy Scrappy-- - She loves it. - Obviously."
Clerks.
Put it Where it Doesn't Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning,
"Put it Where it Doesn't Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning,"
Clerks.
All Tit Fucking, Volume Eight, I Need Your Cock,
"All Tit Fucking, Volume Eight, I Need Your Cock,"
Clerks.
Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls Who Crave Cunt,
"Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls Who Crave Cunt,"
Clerks.
Men Alone II: The KY Connection, Pink Pussy Lips,
"Men Alone II: The KY Connection, Pink Pussy Lips,"
Clerks.
<MUSIC> Know the crowd is gonna sell their soul <MUSIC>
"<MUSIC> Know the crowd is gonna sell their soul <MUSIC>"
Clerks.
<MUSIC> Take it anywhere l know Well, l promise you <MUSIC>
"<MUSIC> Take it anywhere l know Well, l promise you <MUSIC>"
Clerks.
- There aren't ! - How can you lie like that ?
"- There aren't ! - How can you lie like that ?"
Clerks.
It's like in order to join they have to have an I.Q. less than their shoe size.
"It's like in order to join they have to have an I.Q. less than their shoe size."
Clerks.
What do you mean there's no ice ? I've got to drink this coffee hot ?
"What do you mean there's no ice ? I've got to drink this coffee hot ?"
Clerks.
- So l stopped home and l brought you some lunch. - What is it ?
"- So l stopped home and l brought you some lunch. - What is it ?"
Clerks.
- it's lasagna. - Really ?
"- it's lasagna. - Really ?"
Clerks.
I'm glad you calmed down a bit. Hi, Randal.
"I'm glad you calmed down a bit. Hi, Randal."
Clerks.
- Thirty-seven ? - Shut up !
"- Thirty-seven ? - Shut up !"
Clerks.
- [ Sucking Sound ] - Why don't you go back to the video store ?
"- [ Sucking Sound ] - Why don't you go back to the video store ?"
Clerks.
And he said most of them were college guys l never even seen or met before.
"And he said most of them were college guys l never even seen or met before."
Clerks.
- Couldn't get the shutters open ? - No.
"- Couldn't get the shutters open ? - No."
Clerks.
- What time you get finished ? - 8:00, but l have a sorority meeting 'til 9:00.
"- What time you get finished ? - 8:00, but l have a sorority meeting 'til 9:00."
Clerks.
I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault.
"I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault."
Clerks.
- it was an accident. - Like someone knocks a casket over on purpose !
"- it was an accident. - Like someone knocks a casket over on purpose !"
Clerks.
- So the casket fell over. Big deal. - Her fucking body fell out !
"- So the casket fell over. Big deal. - Her fucking body fell out !"
Clerks.
-Would you just go open the video store? -Yeah, you cock-smokin' clerk.
"-Would you just go open the video store? -Yeah, you cock-smokin' clerk."
Clerks.
- Let me borrow your car. - May l be blunt with you ?
"- Let me borrow your car. - May l be blunt with you ?"
Clerks.
- does mean manning the store until closing. - l see.
"- does mean manning the store until closing. - l see."
Clerks.
There's a difference. Those are obligations that couldn't have been met at any other date.
"There's a difference. Those are obligations that couldn't have been met at any other date."
Clerks.
They print any kind of shit in this paper.
"They print any kind of shit in this paper."
Clerks.
- and I'm supposed to follow it, right ? - Exactly.
"- and I'm supposed to follow it, right ? - Exactly."
Clerks.
In the next week's paper, they said,
"In the next week's paper, they said,"
Clerks.
by a koala-fish mutant bird.""
"by a koala-fish mutant bird."""
Clerks.
[ Laughing ] Crazy shit.
"[ Laughing ] Crazy shit."
Clerks.
- I'm already in the job market. - You work in a market, all right.
"- I'm already in the job market. - You work in a market, all right."
Clerks.
I don't know. Maybe we should just see what happens.
"I don't know. Maybe we should just see what happens."
Clerks.
Walk On The Boardwalk, Then Get Naked Somewhere"" kind of private date ?
"Walk On The Boardwalk, Then Get Naked Somewhere"" kind of private date ?"
Clerks.
- l hear that's kind of a popular date. - Jerk !
"- l hear that's kind of a popular date. - Jerk !"
Clerks.
- So, what are you saying ? - You are such an asshole.
"- So, what are you saying ? - You are such an asshole."
Clerks.
I thought he'd be at your side Like an obedient lapdog.
"I thought he'd be at your side Like an obedient lapdog."
Clerks.
And l should break the disengagement news to my mother,
"And l should break the disengagement news to my mother,"
Clerks.
- Who doesn't ? - Well, me, l guess.
"- Who doesn't ? - Well, me, l guess."
Clerks.
at which time, yes, l would love to go for dinner and a movie with you.
"at which time, yes, l would love to go for dinner and a movie with you."
Clerks.
Yes !
"Yes !"
Clerks.
- And you rented this ? - Hey, l like to expand my horizons.
"- And you rented this ? - Hey, l like to expand my horizons."
Clerks.
- l got fined for selling cigarettes to a minor. - No way.
"- l got fined for selling cigarettes to a minor. - No way."
Clerks.
- Holy shit ! That girl ? - Yeah, as opposed to hundreds of other children...
"- Holy shit ! That girl ? - Yeah, as opposed to hundreds of other children..."
Clerks.
No, l don't work today.
"No, l don't work today."
Clerks.
What time do you think you're gonna come in, 12:00 ?
"What time do you think you're gonna come in, 12:00 ?"
Clerks.
<MUSIC> Just in case you feel led astray, hell, yeah <MUSIC>
"<MUSIC> Just in case you feel led astray, hell, yeah <MUSIC>"
Clerks.
<MUSIC> I'll be glad to just feast on that pie crust <MUSIC>
"<MUSIC> I'll be glad to just feast on that pie crust <MUSIC>"
Clerks.
- <MUSIC> Ooh-hoo <MUSIC><MUSIC> - Thanks. Have a good one.
"- <MUSIC> Ooh-hoo <MUSIC><MUSIC> - Thanks. Have a good one."
Clerks.
- You open ? - Yeah.
"- You open ? - Yeah."
Clerks.
- Am l sure about what ? - Are you sure ?
"- Am l sure about what ? - Are you sure ?"
Clerks.
-This one came out of a 60-year-old man. -Oh, God !
"-This one came out of a 60-year-old man. -Oh, God !"
Clerks.
Cruddy lung, smoking through a hole in your throat.
"Cruddy lung, smoking through a hole in your throat."
Clerks.
- Here. Chewlies gum. Try this. - it's not the same.
"- Here. Chewlies gum. Try this. - it's not the same."
Clerks.
It's cheaper than cigarettes, and it certainly beats this.
"It's cheaper than cigarettes, and it certainly beats this."
Clerks.
-Oh, Jesus ! -it's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung.
"-Oh, Jesus ! -it's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung."
Clerks.
How long you been smoking ?
"How long you been smoking ?"
Clerks.
<MUSIC> Kill the bass player Kill both bass players <MUSIC>
"<MUSIC> Kill the bass player Kill both bass players <MUSIC>"
Clerks.
And you know what we're gonna do ? We're gonna go to that party and get some pussy.
"And you know what we're gonna do ? We're gonna go to that party and get some pussy."
Clerks.
- Thanks. - How much money did you leave up there?
"- Thanks. - How much money did you leave up there?"
Clerks.
- You're trusting. - Why do you say that ?
"- You're trusting. - Why do you say that ?"
Clerks.
How do you know they're taking the right amount of change or even paying for what they take ?
"How do you know they're taking the right amount of change or even paying for what they take ?"
Clerks.
- Smell won't come off. - [ Door Opens ]
"- Smell won't come off. - [ Door Opens ]"
Clerks.
Why, you wanna have sex or something ?
"Why, you wanna have sex or something ?"
Clerks.
- Can we ? - Really ?
"- Can we ? - Really ?"
Clerks.
- l was kidding. - Like you can't get enough of me.
"- l was kidding. - Like you can't get enough of me."
Clerks.
Show some bedroom proficiency, you think you're gods.
"Show some bedroom proficiency, you think you're gods."
Clerks.
- And l actually date you ? - Something wrong ?
"- And l actually date you ? - Something wrong ?"
Clerks.
I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off.
"I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off."
Clerks.
Those are my opinions based on the few women...
"Those are my opinions based on the few women..."
Clerks.
- l don't remember. How many ? - including you ?
"- l don't remember. How many ? - including you ?"
Clerks.
- Ow ! What'd you do that for ? - You're a pig !
"- Ow ! What'd you do that for ? - You're a pig !"
Clerks.
- Three, including you. - You only slept with three different people ?
"- Three, including you. - You only slept with three different people ?"
Clerks.
Name it.
"Name it."
Clerks.
There's a seminar about getting back into a scholastic program...
"There's a seminar about getting back into a scholastic program..."
Clerks.
Can't we ever have a discussion without that coming up ?
"Can't we ever have a discussion without that coming up ?"
Clerks.
It's important to me, Dante.
"It's important to me, Dante."
Clerks.
You have so much potential that's going to waste in this pit.
"You have so much potential that's going to waste in this pit."
Clerks.
Willam ?
"Willam ?"
Clerks.
Bye. Take it easy.
"Bye. Take it easy."
Clerks.
It's called snowballing.
"It's called snowballing."
Clerks.
- it doesn't mean I didn't just go with people. - Oh, my God, l feel so nauseous !
"- it doesn't mean I didn't just go with people. - Oh, my God, l feel so nauseous !"
Clerks.
I understood that you had sex with three guys and that's all you said !
"I understood that you had sex with three guys and that's all you said !"
Clerks.
Well ?
"Well ?"
Clerks.
Does that include me ?
"Does that include me ?"
Clerks.
- I'm going to class. - Oh, my God.
"- I'm going to class. - Oh, my God."
Clerks.
All the other guys I went with before l met you. If you want to have a complex, go ahead.
"All the other guys I went with before l met you. If you want to have a complex, go ahead."
Clerks.
Because going down isn't a big deal.
"Because going down isn't a big deal."
Clerks.
I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him.
"I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him."
Clerks.
- But l only had sex with the guys l loved. - l feel sick.
"- But l only had sex with the guys l loved. - l feel sick."
Clerks.
I love you ! Don't feel sick.
"I love you ! Don't feel sick."
Clerks.
- I'm going to school. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational. - I'm 37 ! l just can't--
"- I'm going to school. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational. - I'm 37 ! l just can't--"
Clerks.
- Like he's some air traffic controller? - Actually, that's his night job.
"- Like he's some air traffic controller? - Actually, that's his night job."
Clerks.
- I've been here since 11:00. - l hate it when l can't rent videos !
"- I've been here since 11:00. - l hate it when l can't rent videos !"
Clerks.
I would've went to Big Choice, but the tape l want is right there on that wall.
"I would've went to Big Choice, but the tape l want is right there on that wall."
Clerks.
- l have first dibs. - Says who ?
"- l have first dibs. - Says who ?"
Clerks.
I'll bet you 20 bucks you don't get to rent that tape.
"I'll bet you 20 bucks you don't get to rent that tape."
Clerks.
You're late.
"You're late."
Clerks.
-Hey, you see a set of keys around here? -No time for love, Dr. Jones.
"-Hey, you see a set of keys around here? -No time for love, Dr. Jones."
Clerks.
I was just wondering if the article was a misprint.
"I was just wondering if the article was a misprint."
Clerks.
and this is his revenge by putting this bogus article in the paper when it went to press.
"and this is his revenge by putting this bogus article in the paper when it went to press."
Clerks.
- [ Sniffing ] - [ Cat Meows ]
"- [ Sniffing ] - [ Cat Meows ]"
Clerks.