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Clips from Scrubs - Our True Lies (S09E09)

"You didn't have time to study. You were out in a meadow,"
Scrubs
"pressing wildflowers and writing love sonnets."
Scrubs
"Yes. Me telling you I love you makes me a 19th-century dandy."
Scrubs
"Hey, Maya, you and Trang both left during the test. Where were you?"
Scrubs
"Guys, we all left at some point."
Scrubs
"She's right. We have to stop turning on each other,"
Scrubs
"I'm sure Cole has some great explanation."
Scrubs
"Cole, what were you doing in the bathroom?"
Scrubs
"Doing my test prep, okay?"
Scrubs
"Part one. Dropping a D."
Scrubs
"Part two. Using the mnemonics skills I picked up at ADD camp."
Scrubs
"Okay, I remember the circulatory system by singing Nickelback."
Scrubs
"Wow, that makes a kind of horrible sense."
Scrubs
"- Neither. Super awkward. - Oh!"
Scrubs
"due to her diabetes and thrombocytopenia."
Scrubs
"We'll just treat her with steroids, then."
Scrubs
"She must be in a lot of pain. I wonder why she didn't tell me."
Scrubs
"Maybe she did, but you didn't hear her because you were fantasizing"
Scrubs
"about being stranded on Lesbian Island."
Scrubs
"- What? - We're just hard-staring you away."
Scrubs
"Oh."
Scrubs
"There's only one way to prove your innocence."
Scrubs
"It's a human lie detector test."
Scrubs
"You can't tell if I'm lying. I play online poker."
Scrubs
"- You ever kissed a dude? - No."
Scrubs
"I hope it was Drew and I hope he gets his butt thrown out of here."
Scrubs
"What did he do to you? Did he smack you around?"
Scrubs
"Worse. He told me he loved me. Who does that?"
Scrubs
"Don't you see? He's trying to get me to trust him"
Scrubs
"so then he can just let me down."
Scrubs
"Crazy idea. You could just say "I love you" back."
Scrubs
"Yeah, but then if it doesn't work out, I'll have to kill him,"
Scrubs
"go to jail, escape, come back and kill you for giving me that advice."
Scrubs
"I love how our friendship is based predominantly on threats,"
Scrubs
"but as much as they do terrify me,"
Scrubs
"I'm gonna go ahead and say it. You and Drew are awesome together."
Scrubs
"Quit being such a chicken and just go for it."
Scrubs
"Hey, you never told us why you were in the bathroom."
Scrubs
"Didn't you stop using public toilets"
Scrubs
"after you lived in a gas station bathroom for a month?"
Scrubs
"That's right. It was your fun fact at orientation."
Scrubs
"Maya's fact was she's color-blind,"
Scrubs
"and Trang absorbed his twin sister in the womb."
Scrubs
"That's why he's so smart. My boy's got two brains."
Scrubs
"- That's not how it works, genius. - Why are you lying, Drew?"
Scrubs
"- What are you covering up? - I was on the phone, all right?"
Scrubs
"You made a phone call in the middle of a test?"
Scrubs
"- To who? - It doesn't matter."
Scrubs
"Um..."
Scrubs
"I can still feel you staring at me like a cheetah stares at a gazelle."
Scrubs
"Fine. What the hell, I'll tell the jackass I love him."
Scrubs
"It was a personal call and it's nobody's business."
Scrubs
"It is our business, 'cause you weren't on the phone."
Scrubs
"- You were cheating. - I wasn't cheating."
Scrubs
"I can prove it. I was on the phone with my divorce lawyer."
Scrubs
"LUCY: You always put yourself at risk"
Scrubs
"Listen, I can explain."
Scrubs
"The good news is that we can manage your colitis with steroids."
Scrubs
"There are some side effects, however,"
Scrubs
"including fatigue, insomnia and weight gain."
Scrubs
"Isn't there an operation I can have?"
Scrubs
"I don't care, I want the surgery."
Scrubs
"...or counting on your peers to let an awkward moment go by."
Scrubs
"Hey. How come you never introduced us to your wife?"
Scrubs
"Oh! I get it. Her face is busted, right?"
Scrubs
"I'm sick of this crap."
Scrubs
"Now, we all know I didn't cheat, so it's gotta be one of you."
Scrubs
"Maya? Trang? Lucy?"
Scrubs
"It wasn't me."
Scrubs
"But the hardest thing is when people put their trust in you"
Scrubs
"and you're the one who's been lying all along."
Scrubs
"- How'd that hair taste? - Like regret,"
Scrubs
"and coconut because of my new conditioner."
Scrubs
"But mostly like regret."
Scrubs
"I never should have cheated. What am I gonna do?"
Scrubs
"Here's what I'm going to do. If someone doesn't tell me who did it,"
Scrubs
"I'm gonna make you all retake the test."
Scrubs
"It's gonna be a new test, gonna be 10 times as hard."
Scrubs
"It's not just gonna be on medicine. It's going to be on everything."
Scrubs
"Baseball statistics, North Dakota high schools,"
Scrubs
"That's a magic land where the rivers run of scotch"
Scrubs
"and hordes of pigs feed on the bones of cheating med students."
Scrubs
"Where's Mahoney and Drew?"
Scrubs
"It was a drunken mistake."
Scrubs
"I've been trying to get out of it ever since."
Scrubs
"What else haven't you told me? I mean, have any kids?"
Scrubs
"Have you robbed a bank? Were you in a cult?"
Scrubs
"No! No, and I wouldn't call it a cult."
Scrubs
"It was more like a marketing opportunity"
Scrubs
"that ended with us all living on a compound."
Scrubs
"What the hell? Both of you get your asses back in that room."
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna go ahead and give you a pass"
Scrubs
"because you have murder eyes. But, you, (WHISTLING) go."
Scrubs
"(MUTTERING)"
Scrubs
"I just think choosing surgery could kill you."
Scrubs
"I don't want Beth knowing anything about this."
Scrubs
"I want the surgery and there's nothing you can say that'll change my mind."
Scrubs
"Please, tell me you've got some good news for me on this godforsaken day."
Scrubs
"She's still refusing steroids. I don't get it. What are we missing?"
Scrubs
"As usual, you are missing the point."
Scrubs
"and you didn't take the time to find out anything about her."
Scrubs
"She could be anybody. A princess or a terrorist or a hot lesbian."
Scrubs
"Bob, she is a hot lesbian."
Scrubs
"I knew one day that example would make sense."
Scrubs
"And we did talk to her."
Scrubs
"About her condition, but not about what makes her tick."
Scrubs
"You see, in the old days, when we knew everything about a patient,"
Scrubs
"their decisions never surprised you."
Scrubs
"If only there was a way to learn more about her."
Scrubs
"I'm not like your girlfriend, Dorian."
Scrubs
"As you please."
Scrubs
"(ON PHONE) This is Denise. Leave a message after the stupid beep."
Scrubs
"Denise, it's Drew. Look, if you're not into me anymore, that's fine,"
Scrubs
"because there are a lot of women who get hot for married guys."
Scrubs
"Ha, ha, ha."
Scrubs
"And please call me back."
Scrubs
"I do. It's not right."
Scrubs
"Hey, guys."
Scrubs
"I'm really sorry I didn't say this hours ago, but the truth is..."
Scrubs
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