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Clips from South Park - Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina (S09E09)

"Now, you're absolutely sure you want a vaginoplasty?"
South Park
"So long, balls."
South Park
"How can I not be nervous? Trying out for the All-State team has been my dream for years."
South Park
"This is ridiculous. Jews can't play basketball."
South Park
"I know that you've all worked really hard to make it this far, so let's get out there and SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT!"
South Park
"Excuse me, Brof-Broflovski, is it?"
South Park
"Yeah?"
South Park
"Yep! I love basketball. I wanna play for the Denver Nuggets one day."
South Park
"Dude, you were awesome, Kyle."
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"Look, y-you gave it your best shot, right?"
South Park
"Nyanyanyanyanyaaanyaaa! You-hoo-hoo-hoo loh-ost! Hahahahahaaahaaa!"
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"Kyle, I'm totally ripping on you at a totally inappropriate time."
South Park
"Jesus, that was fun..."
South Park
"Well, I'm about to pee out my vagina for the first time."
South Park
"You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties."
South Park
"I had a sex-chamge operation."
South Park
"My penis is now a vagina and I'm experiencing womanhood for the first time in my life!"
South Park
"What? Th'um, nuh-nothing. I- I'll explain it to you when you're a little older."
South Park
"But our teacher, Mr. Garrison? He just had his penis made into a vagina. How come?"
South Park
"That does it! I'm taking you boys OUT OF THAT SCHOOL!"
South Park
"He's a teacher! How are we supposed to explain this to our children?!"
South Park
"You see, Kyle, sometimes a person' outside doesn't reflect who they are on the inside."
South Park
"And so, they can have a surgery that makes them more into the person they see themselves as."
South Park
"Let's take a look here."
South Park
"What we do is slice your face and peel it back so we can insert now pig-ment producing cells inside."
South Park
"Dr. Biber said he can give me a negroplasty so I can finally look the way I've always wanted."
South Park
"He even took my picture and then did computer imaging to show what I would look like after the surgery."
South Park
"- Absolutely not, Kyle! - But why not?"
South Park
"My body doesn't reflect who I am inside."
South Park
"What is that on your shirt?"
South Park
"Yes, a full dolphinoplasty could be achieved relatively simply..."
South Park
"Make me a... dolphin?"
South Park
"No, no, it's crazy."
South Park
"Men are all the same. My boyfriend walked out on me! Turns out he was a fag."
South Park
"Well, normally, if a woman misses her period, it means she's pregnant."
South Park
"All I did is change my appearance to look the way I felt... here."
South Park
"Fellas! Hey fellas, you gotta come see!"
South Park
"- Can't believe it. - Did it hurt?"
South Park
"My dad is even gonna take me back down to the all-star game to see if I can try out for the team again!"
South Park
"- Dude, is Kyle's- dad a- dolphin? - He's a Jewish dolphin. A Jewphin."
South Park
"- ...an abortion? - Yeah, I've got one growing inside me."
South Park
"Now, are you gonna scramble its brains or just vacuum it out?"
South Park
"- Mmister Garrison - Mrs. Garrison."
South Park
"You mean, I'll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?"
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"Coach! Coach, I'm all better. I'm ready to play."
South Park
"Excuse me, where do you have special seating for dolphins?"
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"Those testicles in his knees are ticking time balls!"
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"Damnit you people have to make special arrangements for transpecies people like me!"
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"- Tickets please. - We don't have tickets!"
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"- Gerald, where's Kyle?! - What? Why??"
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"Mrs. Garrison, grab Kyle!"
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"Which one is he??"
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"So let me get this straight."
South Park
"So, does this mean I'm not really a dolphin?"
South Park
"Hello, Mr. Garrison, I'm Dr. Biber. I'll be performing your surgery today."
South Park
"God bless you, Doctor. I know you'll make me well again."
South Park
"My whole life I've been a woman trapped in a man's body. A sex-change operation is my last chance at happiness."
South Park
"All right, then let's begin."
South Park
"Just relax, Mr. Garrison."
South Park
"I think if more people could just see a sex-change operation, they would know how perfectly natural it is."
South Park
"The first thing I'm going to do is slice your balls."
South Park
"With the scrotum open, I can now discard of your testicles."
South Park
"Now, I'll just continue the incision up the shaft of the penis."
South Park
"Oh, that stings."
South Park
"Now I'll just... turn your... penis inside out."
South Park
"OH! Oh jeez."
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"All we need to do now is ...stuff the ...unskinned penis inside your... pelvis..."
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"And now I'll use the skin from your penis to make vaginal lips."
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"Do I look like a woman?"
South Park
"Pretty much."
South Park
"I beat out YOUR fat ass, Cartman!"
South Park
"All students trying out for the All-State team to center court!"
South Park
"Good luck."
South Park
"All right boys, now you're all here because you're the best of the best."
South Park
"Can we talk to you for a minute?"
South Park
"You uh... You're the best player in your school, are ya?"
South Park
"Yeah. Uh, look, kid, you've got great skills and a great attitude. But you're just not physically ...built for the game."
South Park
"Oo whataya mean?"
South Park
"Well, it's just that... Jew's can't play basketball."
South Park
"Awwright, kids, we've gotta work on that shooting! Come on!"
South Park
"That's all you could do."
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"I know. I deserve it."
South Park
"Yeah, you know why? Because Jews can't play basketball!"
South Park
"You're right."
South Park
"Hey everybody, you're not gonna believe it!"
South Park
"Believe what?"
South Park
"It's Mr. Garrison! Only it ISN'T Mr. Garrison! He- He's a woman now!"
South Park
"Can you believe it ladies? I'm one of YOU now!"
South Park
"Wow, just look at all these tampons!"
South Park
"Regular, heave flow- Oh boy, I can't wait till I get my first period!"
South Park
"Hi gals! Oh boy, can you believe the sales they're havin' out there?"
South Park
"Give us a hug. Girls' Club!"
South Park
"Oh wow! This is great."
South Park
"Look at that, I'm peeing sittin' down like a dainty dignified little woman."
South Park
"Sany, any of you ladies wanna go see a sad movie together?"
South Park
"You guys try those new wings tampons? Do those work well?"
South Park
"Kyle, you have to cheer up, dude. So you aren't built right for basketball."
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"But I feel like a basketball player. That's all I wanna do."
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"Hello, boys! It's me, your teacher! Mrs. Garrison!"
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"See ya in class!"
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"Mom? Dad? What's a sex-change operation?"
South Park
"Penis!"
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"Your teacher had a sex change?? Oh my God!"
South Park
"Vagina!"
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"Gerald, that is very closed-minded of you! You shouldn't judge people who want to change."
South Park
"It's very simple."
South Park
"Yeah. That's right."
South Park
"They feel like they're somebody trapped in another person's body."
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"- Do you understand??? - Totally! I totally understand!"
South Park
"There. You see, Gerald? He totally understands."
South Park
"So, I hear you're interested in reconstructive surgery."
South Park
"Oh yes, Mr. Garrison. Uh yes, he had a vaginoplasty. Mhm."
South Park
"Well, do you also do other surgeries like that?"
South Park
"Sure. You see sometimes a woman wants to be a man. That procedure is called a peniplasty."
South Park
"...You what?"
South Park
"I hate being small and Jewish. I feel like a tall black man."
South Park
"Ohhhhh! You want a negroplasty!"
South Park
"It's a fairly common procedure, really, just the reverse of a caucasioplasty just like Michael Jackson had."
South Park
"We break the arm bones in several places and put braces to make them longer."
South Park
"Now, the knees we need to snap off and fill with small round objects that can cause better movement."
South Park
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